Why We Should All Stop Searching For ‘The One’

Romance is everywhere.

Every time you leave the house, you stumble across a couple who have been together for 50 years; they’re perfect in every way. Your friend has been with the same person since high school, and it was clear they were made for each other since the day they met. Another couple appears on your Instagram feed, who seemingly broke up eighty times and got back together eighty-one. It seems like their relationships are just like the movies.

You believe it’s magic, but I accept that it’s not magical at all – it’s science. You think that love is written in the stars, but I think it’s based solely on biological attraction. Love isn’t an enchanting twist of fate – it’s dependency caused by acquaintanceship built with another person. There’s nothing phenomenal about love, and there’s no such thing as the one – here’s why. 

As we age, nearly every opinion we have changes. Our environment, age, behavior, passions, hobbies, and beliefs are constantly transforming. We rarely keep the same perspectives throughout our lives – hence why children are often deemed “bright-eyed,” and teenagers are labeled “carefree.” The only thing that doesn’t seem to shift is our ideals and expectations in love. While what we want in a person may shift as we grow through experience, it seems that people everywhere search for “The One” their entire lives.

We hold onto ideas taught to us in our early lives, whether through conditioning or influences from outside sources because it’s our safety blanket. We are taught that somewhere out there, our “other half” exists; we are made to believe that we have one soulmate destined to be ours from the beginning of time. It’s the only thing that feels safe and gives us a sense of belonging. It’s the one thing that we seem to search for endlessly.

Interpersonal relationships define our sense of self-worth. They validate us internally and feel the sense of loneliness that comes with the false idea that you just haven’t met the “right” person yet. This belief blinds us from the truth – biological attraction, attachment, and companionship get mixed up with the belief that those feelings stem from an otherworldly force at work. We mistake platonic soulmates and the love we feel for another person with the idea that we found a missing piece to a puzzle that never existed. 

We yearn to be loved so much that we allow the desperate desire to find our perfect person corrupt our judgment and perceptions. We romanticize the wrong people and convince ourselves they’re meant for us, only to be shocked when reality sets in and red flags appear everywhere.

We should stop searching for our “only one” and be the one for ourselves.

Statistically speaking, you are compatible with 1 in 7 people; please save yourself the heartache and stop expecting to meet a knight in shining armor. Stop wishing on the stars in the sky and searching for your perfect person in everyone you meet. Get out there and start smelling the pheromones; it’s time to find someone who complements you, not completes you. 

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Writer. Idealist. Humanitarian. Ally. Lover.

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