Half of me wants to leap out of bed at 5 a.m., take a run as the sun rises, get home and shower before heading out to the local cafe to pick up a radioactive-looking super smoothie, and then, as I make my way to work (where my desk has a panoramic view of the city skyline), I high five everyone in the building wearing a giant grin on my face.
But then I wake up.
This is a dream. That other half of me I mentioned, she’s in my head. She’s the girl I am inside but haven’t got the capacity to be right now, and that’s because the real half is too busy doing this…
Waking up to the smell of cat turd at 5 a.m. Cleaning up a random hairball from under the bed at 6. Slumping into the bathroom by 7 because lying wide awake in bed is pointless. Looking at the 72-year-old woman staring back at me in the mirror, only to remember she’s actually 27. There is no run to watch the morning sunrise, only a trip up and down the stairs to do the morning chores. About an hour or so later, a cup of green tea is made — the highlight of my morning. There is no smile on my face as it’s carried upstairs to my lonely office room where I begin my daily tasks, ogling an obscured view of the nearby supermarket through the window while I wait for my ancient laptop to load. Honest to God, sometimes it just feels like my life is going nowhere.
And I’m actually awake right now. This isn’t a dream. It’s my reality. A stone-cold sober nightmare reality.
And it doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to change.
But then, unexpectedly, there are some days that catch me by surprise.
I wake up and have a purpose. Despite sometimes feeling like I have “nothing to do,” I find myself something to live for. Whether it earns me money or costs it, I know that if I want a good life, then I have to invest in making it better. So I get up, get clean, put on something pretty, do my hair nicely, eat a healthy breakfast and make my way to a place that makes my heart beat with excitement. Come rain or shine, if it’s different, it makes a welcome change.
Seldom as it may be, it feels good to wake up and smile.
I just wish I knew it would stay.
I guess that’s what life is for us all though — taking the rough with the smooth. Nothing worth achieving ever comes easy, as they say. It takes time. Not every day is going to be awesome, and that’s okay. (Well, it’s not. It’s damn frustrating. But as far as the process goes, it’s part and parcel.) Nevertheless, as long as we remain passionate about things and stay focused on what we want to do and can do with our time, we’ll always find something new to pique our interest. Which also means there will always be new opportunities that await us. With no two days ever the same, we can’t discard the fact that tomorrow might just be the one day that changes everything.
Because if the universe has a plan for us all, then somewhere along the timeline, it will fall into place.
So as much as I can appreciate that believing in the dream isn’t always easy (trust me, I really do), holding onto hope will keep it possible. Even if we don’t know how or when things will change, having this belief will make us stronger. Through all of our emotional grievances, we will continue to seek out ways to get where we want to be. However much we may need to duck and dive in order to achieve that, there are ways around the obstacles we face.
But it’s up to us to find them.