1. High-waisted skirts
Not sure what it is about high-waisted ballerina skirts — also unsure if I’m a year or two behind — but they really project a kind of sophisticated sex appeal that puts a typical A-line to shame. These are actually some of the coolest/ most colorful/ shiniest (chic) I’ve seen. There’s somthing confident and feminine about high-waisted skirts, how they highlight our figures (specifically those legs, call me maybe?). At the risk of sounding stupid and confused (which I may very well be; I’m sure many of you are already decided one way or another), I think the high-waisted skirt infuses feminine style with a specific order of class, respect, and sex appeal that’s like, irresistable, and in my humble opinion, boner-inducing (metaphorically, in my case).
2. Patterned tights that are not leopard print
Seems like anything leopard print is an instant turn off for me, whether on a dude or a chick. Can’t really even comprehend how leopard print ever became a legit ‘thing,’ and I really hope I never see a dude walking around in a leopard print pair of pants, but that’s besides the point. The point: patterned tights. Ladies, these are hot. Simple, elegant, and clean-looking, a clever pair of patterned tights clarify the beauty of your legs and, like, make them more interesting to look at? So yeah, please: more patterned tights!
3. Sheer, (preferably) collared blouse + slightly visible bra combo
This is so hot. I don’t care about the size of your breasts or your body type, if I can just barely see through your buttoned-up-to-the-neck-collared-blouse and catch a glimpse of that black bra you’re wearing underneath, could I get your number? We could even just be friends; the only caveat would be that you’d have to wear the sheer blouse + black bra combo all the time. Like, you’d have to sleep in it too. Preferably in my bed.
4. Clothes traditionally concieved of as masculine
WASPy button-downs, skinny ties, suspenders, bowties = boners. It has been noted by at least one Hemingway biographer that the hyper-masculine author was especially intrigued by, err, maybe had a hard-on for sort-of androgenous women. Not that his preferences legitimize my own, but I’m right there with Hem, ‘saluting’ this androgeny trend. The sun is not the only thing that rises.
5. Metallica t-shirts
Not just Metallica ones. But you know — vintage Iron Maiden, Megadeth, etc. The t-shirt has to be black and she has to look like she just woke up with her eyes a little puffy and her hair (black with a few sea-green streaks) just a little mussed. I know it’s hipster, and here I am apologizing for my preferences again ‘cos I’m sure y’all are gonna give me some shit for liking how a female looks in an old t-shirt, but damn. Ladies who rock these shirts — you have my standing ovation.