Let’s talk about the art of flirting. Now some people have the upper hand because they are naturally charismatic which easily crosses over to being a skilled flirter (these people are usually Libras, just saying!). For others, it doesn’t come as naturally, but flirting is a skill you can learn.
Being a good flirt doesn’t just make men more attracted to you, it also gives you the skills to be more charming and likable overall which can help in all areas of your life.
This is how to be a masterful flirt:
1. Have fun!
First and foremost, remember that flirting is supposed to be fun. Don’t be all in your head about it, overthinking never brings any good to a situation.
Don’t analyze whether he’s being receptive to your flirting… if he’s going to ask you out… if he’s feeling it too… if you’re doing too much or not enough… make an effort to quiet all that inner chatter and just be in the moment and enjoy it!
2. Compliment him
Most men are starved for compliments… because who really gives them any? It’s not like a guy posts pictures of himself on social media and his friends are all leaving fire emojis.
Notice things about him and compliment him, it goes a long way. Obviously, you should be mindful not to lay it on too thick, that just comes across as disingenuous and borders on desperate because it seems like you’re just complimenting him to get him to like you.
Being a good flirt is about giving just enough to leave someone wanting more. So you pay him a compliment, and it makes him want to impress you even more so he can hear more compliments. And a good compliment is really in the delivery, say it with confidence! Look him in the eye, don’t be shifty and mumbly and awkward about it.
An important thing to understand about men, in general, is that they universally crave appreciation. He wants to be seen and appreciated for who he is. If you can do that, then he will immediately feel connected to you and want to take things further.
You do not need to be some cold, aloof ice queen to rouse a guy’s interest. Quite the opposite! There is nothing more disarming than a warm, genuine smile. I said genuine.
A genuine smile illuminates and radiates an infectious, positive vibe. Being able to smile freely will come if you’re able to be at ease and just enjoy the moment, as mentioned in the first point. It’s also important to always work on finding happiness and confidence within yourself. When you do, you will effortlessly draw people in.
4. Use his name in conversation
I went on a first date with an incredibly charming man many moons ago. I was captivated by him from the start but throughout the date, he kept using my name- “So what do you like to do for fun, Sabrina?” And every time he did I felt like I was being shocked with electricity. It was just so disarming and sexy!
Dale Carnegie, legendary author of the famous bestselling book How to Win Friends and Influence People said, “A person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” So if you want to make an impression on someone, and this doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships, use their name!
5. Subtle touches
Again, this goes back to the concept of leaving him wanting more. Nothing drives a man wild like a subtle, “accidental” touch. Maybe you’re sitting next to each other and your legs touch and you leave yours there instead of reflexively pulling away. Maybe it’s a high five that lingers a little too long, bordering on hand-holding.
Maybe you give his shoulder a gentle squeeze after he tells a funny story. Whatever you do, just keep it subtle and sparse, no draping yourself all over him. If he’s interested, he will take it to the next level.
6. Eye contact
As they say… eyes are the windows of the soul. Making eye contact creates a feeling of intimacy and closeness. But again, flirting is about being subtle. So don’t keep your eyes fixed and focused on him, that’s just too intense. Just be engaged when he’s talking to you, and then take breaks and let your gaze wander.
It can be nerve-racking talking to a guy you like and some women get a little fidgety and their eyes may dart all over the place so just have an awareness of that and try to get a handle on that nervous energy, otherwise, he may think you’re not interested or bored.
7. Show genuine interest in him
Being interesting and seductive isn’t about showing off how great you are… it comes from showing genuine interest in the other person.
Ask questions, really listen for the answers instead of waiting for your turn to speak, take a genuine interest in him and his life and what he’s about. This is the real art of seduction!
Here is another classic line from Dale Carnegie: “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
8. Open body language
So much of communication is nonverbal. Pay attention to your stance and your posture. If you’re stiff and rigid, you come across as insecure or he may think you’re not interested.
Keep you’re chin up, and stand tall with an open posture, this conveys confidence and confidence is sexy.
9. Leave him wanting more
We touched on this a little throughout this article but it deserves its own category. Leave him wanting more.
That’s what makes flirting fun. That’s what gets him thinking about you and wanting you more.
Don’t tell him you’re whole life story, this goes for in-person and over text. Think of yourself like an onion, let him peel back the layers one at a time.
It’s also important to leave him wondering whether you’re flirting or not so he could interpret your actions either way. This is what will really drive him wild and get his wheels turning into gear. There is nothing that sends the human mind into a tizzy like not knowing where we stand with someone.
10. Most important of all…
You can play everything right, but if you don’t feel comfortable and confident within yourself, it won’t have the right impact. So that’s always where to focus.
You have to let go of the fears of rejection and you’re insecurities. Trust that you are hot and sexy and likable and that the right guy will see it and if this guy isn’t receptive to your flirting, he’s just not right for you.
It’s not what you say or do, it’s the intention behind what you say or do that makes a difference, so focus on being comfortable with yourself and everything else will just fall into place effortlessly.