The Real Reason He Disappeared With No Explanation (And How To Get Over It)

Twenty20 / wilhughes
Twenty20 / wilhughes

Here’s a scenario that might sound familiar. You’re seeing a guy for a little while, it could be weeks or maybe months. You text a lot, hang out, have fun, things seems to be moving along swimmingly and a relationship seems like it’s just around the corner.

Then poof….he’s gone. Vanished without a trace.

He might do the slow fade out, meaning he stops initiating contact and when you reach out to him he takes hours or days to reply. This goes on for a while until you take the unfortunate hint. Or he “ghosts” and just disappears. He doesn’t reach out and he doesn’t reply when you contact him.

When this happens, the girl becomes desperate to know why.

Maybe his vanishing act came after a period of him pulling away. Or maybe it came suddenly, out of the blue. It doesn’t matter, it means the same thing: he’s not into you and doesn’t see this relationship going anywhere. Maybe he met someone else or maybe he just had an epiphany. The damage is done, there’s nothing you can do so don’t torture yourself over it.

I’ve been there, so believe me I know how awful it feels. Like the absolute worst.

Like many women, my reaction was a mix of rage and indignation. Why can’t he just be a man and break up with me to my face?? What a coward!

So why doesn’t he just say this to your face? Because it’s an uncomfortable conversation to have and he doesn’t wanna have it. Simple as that. Also, men just aren’t as equipped to handle emotions and emotional situations as women are, so they avoid them.

Girls don’t like having the breakup conversation and guys absolutely despise it. Most men would rather walk over a bed of burning hot coals than tell a girl to her face they’re not into her. So they ghost.

And most of the time, they will reason that the girl is probably on the same page so there is no need to reach out. They tell themselves that she must know this isn’t going to work out and calling and telling her something she already knows would just be silly, so that’s the end of that.

Okay so now that we know why, let’s talk about what to do to help you move on to greener pastures.

1. Don’t reach out to him….under any circumstances!

He may have left you, don’t let him take your dignity with him. Girls will come up with all kinds of deluded reasons why they absolute must initiate contact. I just need closure! I want to know how he’s doing! I HAVE to tell him about this really funny thing that happened!

He stopped initiating contact with you because he is no longer interested in you. The sooner you realize and accept this, the better off you’ll be in the long run. Remember, if he wanted to see/speak to you, he would.

2. Don’t take it personal.

When a guy disappears, it’s almost inevitable to feel a flood of self-doubt. What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I good enough?

You didn’t do anything wrong and you are “good enough” to have the relationship you want with a man you want, this guy just wasn’t it. I know plenty of gorgeous, smart, funny, successful, amazing women who have had the vanishing act pulled on them and it didn’t make them any less gorgeous, smart, amazing, etc.

A guy can lose interest for any number of reasons and oftentimes it has more to do with him than with you. The worst possible thing you can do is take it personally and start beating yourself up over it. This will eat away at your self-esteem and will repel any new potential suitors that might come along. Try to keep your ego out of your relationships as much as possible. Your relationship status should never determine your worth as a person.

3. Stay busy.

As with most painful experiences… only time will heal. As time works its magic, the best thing you can do is stay as busy as possible. Immerse yourself in work, spend time with friends, check out a cool new bar or museum, try out a new exercise class. Keep your schedule jam-packed so there isn’t a crack for him to slip right in. And do NOT check up on him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any other social media portal.

If you feel the need to check up on him, go look at funny YouTube videos or call a friend. Staying busy and keeping your life fun and fulfilling will also have positive long-term results and will put you in a better position to attract an even better guy.

Now let’s all breath a sigh of relief that those Houdinis did us the courtesy of finding something better! TC mark

This post originally appeared at A New Mode.

Want more writing like this? Read “10 Things Every Woman Needs To Know About Men” on iBooks here.

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10 Things Every Woman Needs To Know About Men is an honest, non-sugarcoated guide to understanding men and cracking their code so you can finally have the love you’ve always wanted.

Sabrina Alexis

Extroverted introvert

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