9. Confident women don’t desperately seek reassurance.
People with high self-esteem know they are loved and lovable. They don’t need a guy to remind them every day – it’s just something they feel and know. When you are insecure, you need constant validation and become resentful if your partner doesn’t give it to you. You blame him for “making you” feel insecure in the relationship, or unloved. You may work harder to try to please him and earn his love, or you may withhold your love and affection to even the score. This manifests as neediness (the number one relationship killer): you need constant reassurance and if you don’t get it, you lash out and blame your partner for not providing it.
The fact is, if you don’t feel good about yourself, nothing he does will ever be enough. If you don’t truly believe you are worthy of love, you will never believe someone else can love you. What happens is the relationship becomes a battle of wills: you fight for validation, he retreats because he feels pressured and suffocated, you view his retreat as a sign he doesn’t love you and fall into despair, he resents that nothing he does is good enough and the fact that you don’t trust how he feels and stops trying, you see this as further proof he doesn’t care…and either the relationship ends or continues to make you both miserable indefinitely.
10. Confident women choose wisely.
Confident people use their head and heart when choosing a romantic partner. They are able to quickly assess if someone is emotionally healthy and can give them what they need in a relationship. They don’t let their ego get too intertwined with their emotions and they make sure they are fundamentally compatible with someone before they get too involved.
A core concept to understand when it comes to relationships is like attracts like. Meaning, a confident person will attract another confident person. An insecure person will unconsciously seek out relationships with men who will make them feel more insecure. They will want the unavailable guys, the guys who can’t commit, the guys who have walls up. These are the ones they will feel infatuated by, not the ones who show real, genuine interest. Oftentimes, this happens because on an unconscious level, the insecure girl feels that if she can break through his walls, or get him to change his ways, then she’ll really be worthy and valuable. This never, ever works. Instead, she just ends up compromising her integrity even further by chasing the relationship.
If you don’t value yourself, then you will always be attracted to people who don’t value you either. Confident people value and accept themselves for who they are. They embrace the good, and are accepting of the not-so-good. As a result, they attract quality partners and are able to connect on a real, genuine level, one that leads to real intimacy and a healthy relationship.
Sabrina Alexis is a writer and the author of the book Everything You Need To Know If You Want Love That Lasts.
For more about Sabrina and her book, check out howtomakelovelast.com.