10 Things Women Who Value Their Self-Worth Do Differently In Relationships

9. Confident women don’t desperately seek reassurance.

People with high self-esteem know they are loved and lovable. They don’t need a guy to remind them every day – it’s just something they feel and know. When you are insecure, you need constant validation and become resentful if your partner doesn’t give it to you. You blame him for “making you” feel insecure in the relationship, or unloved. You may work harder to try to please him and earn his love, or you may withhold your love and affection to even the score. This manifests as neediness (the number one relationship killer): you need constant reassurance and if you don’t get it, you lash out and blame your partner for not providing it.

The fact is, if you don’t feel good about yourself, nothing he does will ever be enough. If you don’t truly believe you are worthy of love, you will never believe someone else can love you. What happens is the relationship becomes a battle of wills: you fight for validation, he retreats because he feels pressured and suffocated, you view his retreat as a sign he doesn’t love you and fall into despair, he resents that nothing he does is good enough and the fact that you don’t trust how he feels and stops trying, you see this as further proof he doesn’t care…and either the relationship ends or continues to make you both miserable indefinitely.

10. Confident women choose wisely.

Confident people use their head and heart when choosing a romantic partner. They are able to quickly assess if someone is emotionally healthy and can give them what they need in a relationship. They don’t let their ego get too intertwined with their emotions and they make sure they are fundamentally compatible with someone before they get too involved.

A core concept to understand when it comes to relationships is like attracts like. Meaning, a confident person will attract another confident person. An insecure person will unconsciously seek out relationships with men who will make them feel more insecure. They will want the unavailable guys, the guys who can’t commit, the guys who have walls up. These are the ones they will feel infatuated by, not the ones who show real, genuine interest. Oftentimes, this happens because on an unconscious level, the insecure girl feels that if she can break through his walls, or get him to change his ways, then she’ll really be worthy and valuable. This never, ever works. Instead, she just ends up compromising her integrity even further by chasing the relationship.

If you don’t value yourself, then you will always be attracted to people who don’t value you either. Confident people value and accept themselves for who they are. They embrace the good, and are accepting of the not-so-good. As a result, they attract quality partners and are able to connect on a real, genuine level, one that leads to real intimacy and a healthy relationship. TC mark

Sabrina Alexis is a writer and the author of the book Everything You Need To Know If You Want Love That Lasts.

Everything You Need To Know If You Want Love That Lasts_book-mockup_FBFor more about Sabrina and her book, check out howtomakelovelast.com.

This post originally appeared at A New Mode

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This Is The Only Relationship Advice You’ll Ever Need…

The fact is, if you don’t feel good about yourself, nothing he does will ever be enough. If you don’t truly believe you’re worthy of love, you will never believe someone can love you.

“I’m currently on a huge self-help kick and I could identify with a lot of the situations mentioned within the book! I would definitely recommend this book to any women who may be having issues within a relationship or with the men in their life in general. I’m going to pass this book on to one of my best friends now!” — Aubrey

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  • http://savioni.wordpress.com Mario Savioni

    Although I am not a woman, I can relate to setting healthy boundaries. I have been hounded by people, who wanted my time, but it wasn’t what I wanted to do, so despite that they were visiting me from far away or that our mutual friend had died, I just had to stay away no matter how f-ed up that was. I just wanted my life back. In both cases, it was tantamount to female stalking. I told them “no” a thousand times.

    This issue applies to both sexes. More than this, as people we have to start paying more attention to ourselves. We have a responsibility to get and do exactly what we want and I only mean this as it concerns our true passions. If our passions are a bit out of sink with what society values, as with doctors, engineers, lawyers and the like and say was are poets, for example, we have to own up and get jobs that support our true loves and fulfill our dreams: William Carlos Williams was a doctor while writing when he wasn’t working. If we still don’t know what we want, there are hints in everything we do. Do each one as it makes itself known.

    It took me 56 years to finally narrow my loves down to two things, writing and philosophy, and maybe law. I was stumbling in the background for too long trying to decide. I have to do both and you have to do everything that burns inside of you because that is who you are and why you are here.

    For women and men, stop thinking that you have to have children before your clock stops ticking or maybe that’s what you are here for, but imagine taking a couple generations off. Our world doesn’t need another child. We’ve got plenty. We need to stop passing our ambitions off to our children. They’ve got their own purpose. We are supposed to fulfill ours. Until you have arrived and you are certain and financially secure in that arrival, keep living for you. When you are happy, it it contagious. It sets the tone for the rest of us.

    My sister and I were raised by a single mother, who inevitably had to give up her career. She could never go back because the field had changed. She was lucky and made it through the morass of having no marketable skills and my father, who died having left her enough to live on until she got married again. My sister and I got money until we were 21. How many of you have that? Life is tough. Secure your life before you can help others. Draw lots of lines.

    Women stop thinking a man is going to help you. The rich-poor gap is so wide almost everyone is falling through the crack. No one is safe. My mother, as I said, came up empty as time went on. She never built her social security because it is based on taxes from wages. You have to work to get it and you have to work your entire life. We still have social security. Imagine how fragile it is? It is only one Republican president away from potential dismantling. They want to take that money and play the stock market and guess who is going to benefit?! Not you.

    For gosh sake start to value yourself. It is your life. Stop letting other people live it for you, otherwise you are going to die with profound regret and you are going to be bitter. We don’t need anymore bitterness. Take responsibility!

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    Oh my, this touches my soul. I’m trying so hard to strengthen my self worth and re-frame my existence. Life’s choices are forever agonizing and always worth the fight.

    Happily
    Q

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