This Is Why I Crave Success

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1. I need to be able to send it to ‘him’. The article, or passage, or text that I spent months obsessing, and crying over. I need him to see that I didn’t move on right away, and that I was incredibly angry at him for so long. I need him to see that I am worth something, that he made the wrong choice in not choosing me. I need him to see that I can do things, great things without him.

2. My father needs to understand. He needs to understand that sometimes I can’t take his unexpected visits. That I either need a full time parent or not one at all. He needs to know that I can live without his approval. He needs to know that I can go on with my life if he doesn’t want me in his. He needs to understand that while his actions impacted me, they do not define me.

3. My peers from high school need to accept that I was more than the quiet girl that sat in the back. They need to accept that they missed their chance by not letting me sit with them. They need to accept that they do not define me. They need to accept that the world is different than the small town we all grew up in; that I am different from that small town. They need to accept, and know that I was not all those terrible names they called me when I did the abnormal.

4. My idols need to know that I am more than some fangirl. They need to know that I am a person too. That I can do great things just like them. My idols need to know how much they inspired me, but they do not own me. They need to know how their words helped me in time of need, but my words saved me.

5. I need to know that I am good. I need to be able to see that I am more than a broken heart with pen and paper. I need to understand that I can love myself when others choose not to. I need to accept that I am more than the names they called me in high school. I need to accept that I am not the failure I was constantly told I was. I need to know that I am my own person and I can make my own words. I need to succeed to show everyone, including myself, that I deserve love, happiness, respect, originality, and most importantly, to live.