You know, everyone thinks it’s the first person you love that’s the hardest, it’s not. It’s the first person you sleep with at night. It’s the person who makes you realize what you’re worth. The one person who makes all the others and how they treated you irrelevant. It’s the person who understands you by the look you give them. It’s the one that doesn’t make your heart race, but instead makes you feel safe and at home.
Then one day all of that is gone and it’s like your entire world has fallen on top of you all at once. It’s a feeling of something physically crushing your body. You scream and you cry because you don’t understand. How can someone who loves you so much, wake up one day and stop loving you?
You still sleep on the side of bed you slept on when you shared it with them, still laugh at your inside jokes, and still talk to their friends from time to time. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done.
But, I promise you one day you’ll wake up in the middle of the bed and it’ll be a little better. You’ll get a little half grin on your face because you know you’re moving on.
I won’t lie to you, you’re never going to be able to completely erase what is about to come, it’ll hit you like a storm. The waves are killer, like a hurricane slamming onto the shore, you’re the shore.
Don’t feel guilty for having fun, or for smiling, you deserve it. A smile doesn’t mean your heart isn’t broken, it means you’re fighting through the hardest battle you have had to endure this far into your 17 years of life. It feels like you’re breaking now, like you can’t breathe. You feel like the only thing that could make this better is death itself. But remember one thing.
I promise you that you will get through this. The love you have may not be right at the moment, maybe one day, and maybe never again. You’re going through this for a reason. You’re going to come out stronger and more confident. You WILL love again, whether you believe that now or not.
I’ll never love someone the way I loved my one, but that’s okay. Some love is just a once in a lifetime love.