An Open Letter To The Mother Of My ‘Bonus Babies’

Hey Mama,

I know this season of motherhood can’t be easy on you. I know it must be hard to have to share your babies, the ones you grew in your tummy, with a girl who (until recently) was a stranger to you. I know it must be hard because it’s hard on me, too. And since we will undoubtedly be in each other’s lives for the long haul, there are a couple of things I really want you to know.

I love your babies and I love being their “bonus mom.” But I am exactly that — a bonus. YOU are the real deal. They have you on a pedestal, as all young children should. I want you to know that as much as I love your babies, and as much as they love me, I never will nor could I ever take your place in their hearts. After all, you are arguably the most important person in their worlds. You knew them long before anyone else, even their father. You felt them move and wiggle and grow inside of you. Because of that, you have a connection to them that is simply unmatched by anyone else — and I know how deep your love must be for them, as I see on a daily basis how deep their love is for you.

I want you to know that as much as you love them, I love them too. I love them like they are my own, even though they are not. I missed their first birthdays, their first words, the first time they crawled. I’ll never know what it was like to hold them when they were little and to see them reach all of those important baby milestones. But I was there for her first day of kindergarten. I was there when he was learning how to use the potty. I’ll be there for many of the firsts to come, and I don’t take that fact for granted. I can’t tell you how much joy it brings me to know I’ll be sharing these new experiences with all of you — the kids, their father, and you.

I want you to know that as much as you love them, I love them too. They are almost always on my mind. I can’t go to the store without seeing an outfit I think would look perfect on her. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t hear his laugh ringing in my head, inevitably causing me to smile. As I’ve gotten to know them, I’ve learned all of their likes and dislikes. They would eat noodles every day, if only I allowed it. Paw Patrol is the best show on the planet, with Peppa Pig coming in as a close second. She loves anything with unicorns on it and he is mesmerized by tractors. She loves when I do her hair in the morning, and he hates when I make him wear certain clothes. Apple juice is a must in the morning with breakfast. Since I’ve known them, I’ve learned their personalities, and I love them so much for it. I can’t help but thank YOU for that, because if it wasn’t for you, these amazing little personalities wouldn’t exist.

I want you to know that as much as you love them, I love them too. And so do a whole bunch of other people! While they already have an amazing family through you and their father, they gained even more family through me. My grandparents are tickled pink to be great-grandparents; they’re constantly wanting to show your babies off to their friends. My mom shows up to my house every day just to hug them because she misses them when they’re away. My dad and stepmom FaceTime us often so the kids can see them, making sure the kids know who they are even though they live far away — and know them, they do! Your babies have names for every single one of them, and they love them because they feel how much they are loved by them. While none of us are blood, we all love your babies with a passion. We promise to never take the place of their family in you, only to be extra people on their team — people to love them unconditionally (and occasionally spoil them senseless).

I want you to know that as much as you love them, I love them too. And because you are their mom, I will always have respect for you. I will always smile every time they mention you. I will always speak highly of you, especially in their presence. I will tell them you love them on the days you can’t tell them yourself. I will always be supportive of you and the kids and the relationship you guys share. Every baby needs their mama, and while they have a bonus mom in me, I acknowledge that it’s nothing like what they have in you.

I want you to know that as much as you love them, I love them too. As hard as it can be to share your babies with someone else, I hope you know they are loved beyond measure and they always will be — by me. Thank you for bringing them into the world, because I love, love, love having them be a part of mine. Thank you for being their mama. Thank you for letting me love them too.

Sincerely,

Your babies’ bonus mom