Everything I didn’t want became everything I am. As the age old adage goes, you eventually become what you desperately try so hard not to be, and that for me is a person full of “what ifs.” From relationships both romantic and non-romantic, to career, to general life choices, at the prime age of 30, I find myself constantly asking myself this question: What if?
For me, these “what ifs” aren’t a matter of regret but more so a bit of wonderment. What if I had tried that out? What if I had had more confidence? If only I would have taken that chance? It’s natural to have these questions or lingering feelings, but be careful not to dwell on them.
Something I’ve learned over time is that the more you continue down this road of questioning past actions, the more the feelings of regret, doubt, despair and overall pessimism will eventually pile up and send you into a dark place. In that dark place you’ll find comfort and contentment. Eventually, this becomes an ongoing cycle, and suddenly you’re stuck. And that’s the worst part of it all—no one wants to feel stuck by the choices they did or didn’t make.
There’s no defining moment that will get you out of a slump. It’s a process, just like most things, it’s something you work at, especially when riddled with fear, worry, and all these other mental blocks you put on yourself. Much like working out and lifting weights to become stronger, faster, healthier, you have to constantly work on your mental wellbeing to make your mind equally as strong, fast, and healthy.
Many questions will plague you by the end of your 20s, but when you get to this point of self-reflection and realize where some of your faults may lie, you will have reached a new point of growth, and that in itself is an amazing feat you should be excited for. In the end, use those wandering thoughts as learning moments, as growth, as building blocks to become a better version of yourself. There’s no use wondering about what could have been when so much can be done in this moment. Turn those “what ifs” into “what’s next?” and “what now?”