I haven’t been myself lately.
Mentally, I’ve probably had the hardest few months of my life and it’s no fault to a certain situation. If you ask me, it’s a culmination of multiple things going on in my life but it all boils down to me not being happy with myself. Seemingly, I am healthy, my family is healthy, I’m not struggling but still, something was off. That’s when I realized I was depressed and depression is a real thing.
All of sudden I fell into this deep depression; a feeling I’ve felt like no other. I’ve been down before, I’ve had my moments, but this felt different. This felt like I caught the flu, caught a fever and was bedridden. I isolated myself from friends and family, only going to work and back home again. When I did manage to get out and be around people, I felt empty inside. I remember one instance where I was having lunch with some friends and just feeling so…so sad inside. If crying without any tears is a thing, that was me. Faking every facet of me to seem like I am present.
At times it’s unexplainable, it just is. You can’t ask for help because you don’t know what it is and not that you want to either. And so how did I get out of it? I didn’t. But I am managing it better, I am working on it. After so many failed attempts, attempts to even write this, I’m actually finally doing it and that’s progress.
With everything going on in the world, and everything in the news about mental health, the timing of this couldn’t be more relevant. Luckily, even though I have this “cloud” over me, I know deep in the back of my mind that I am stronger than this, and that I will/would overcome it. But I know not everyone has that thought and they reach far darker places than I hope to never go. Depression is like quicksand, the further down you go, the harder it is to get out of it.
If you know someone dealing with depression, my advice is to be present to them. They won’t want your attention or you to feel sorry for them; pity is the last thing someone wants. But the best thing, in my opinion, is to continue to outreach on a normal basis. Keep conversation normal and don’t look for a reason and ask why they are sad, the why will eventually come out. No matter how hard they push you away, just be there. Everybody needs a person.
And if you’re going through something similar, realize that you’re definitely not alone, as cliché as it is to say, it’s true. Expressing and being vulnerable is one of the hardest things to do and everyone’s mental strength varies. You’ll get past it; it will get better. Life is beautiful, it just takes some work. Now put in that work. You’re beautiful and you are strong.