Love is supposed to change. I always understood that. Love is supporting change and growing alongside of it. But what if that change is one-sided? What if one person expects understanding, but does not want to understand?
When I left for college, you stayed at home. I was busy and overwhelmed familiarizing myself with a new town that I would call home. I both cried and laughed, because I knew at the end you would be there. Amidst my crazy schedule, I took time for you. I would be in the library and a text would show on my phone: “Can I call you?” I’d rush to my dorm and we would talk for hours. It didn’t matter that I would have to stay up late that night, completing assignments. What mattered was that I put effort into our relationship, even if it wasn’t always conventional. I understood what it meant to put time into the relationship.
When you left home, I was still at college. You were travelling and meeting a multitude of interesting people. You would text me snippets here and there whenever you had internet. You were so immersed in awe that I didn’t want to intervene. This was your time to figure out the world on your terms. I was happy for you. I understood.
But how long should love understand before it becomes to much? When does talking for 10 minutes a day become okay? When does FaceTiming without privacy become okay? When do the unfinished conversations become okay?
Where is the line between love and understanding?
I took time for you, but why won’t you take time for me?
Why did I all of a sudden become an idiot, because the person I loved changed? Am I an idiot for being angry? Am I an idiot for not understanding the line between love and understanding?
You’re supposed to develop, but when that development diminishes our communication.
It’s development going on a single journey.
Which is okay, if you would have told me.
I guess I never understood the line between love and understanding.