Spend an obscene amount of money on bath products. A major indicator of class is not in the cars you drive or the house you own. It’s in the $60 bottle of organic cruelty-free lavender shampoo you keep lined on your bathtub.
Being cool on Facebook is an art form that I’ve mastered through years of trial and error. Here’s what I’ve learned.
That reminds me: sex. I like to pretend that I’m a secret freak-on-a-leash in bed, but I don’t think I actually am. I’m too into being tender and loving and kissing a lot. But if you want to be rough and crazy, I guess I can go that way, too. And don’t worry about not having a big penis. Those actually scare me.
You decide that today is not the day for progress. You run back to your apartment, get stoned and lie in bed listening to sad songs all day. Maybe you’ll order pad thai later.