15 Things That Are Way Scarier Than Gay Marriage

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Thought Catalog Flickr

Hey guys! Did you hear? The Pope gave us his annual “Screw you!” Christmas present early. At his end-of-the-year speech, he said charming things about gay marriage like, “In the fight for the family, the very notion of being — of what being human really means — is being called into question,” and “it becomes clear that when God is denied, human dignity also disappears.”

Um, no, Pope-y. You got it wrong. People loving each other does not threaten the future of mankind or redefine what it means to be a human or a man. If anything, it’s a glorious reminder as to why we’re all here, which is to love one another! Get warm and fuzzes! Have sex! Feel less alone! I’m so tired of people talking about this “fight” to preserve the sanctity of families. Didn’t the Menendez brothers destroy that in the 80s when they blew their parents heads off in the comfort of their Beverly Hills home?

Since the Pope is so afraid of the Gay Marriage Monster, I’ve decided to quell his anxiety by presenting him with 15 things that are way scarier than two men joining hands in marriage.

1. Spiders

2. Your bank account the day before you get paid

3. Melissa Joan Hart’s acting career

4. Going to the post office to mail something

5. Calling someone up on the phone

6. Lint

7. Rude weight gain

8. 8-year-olds who have iPhones

9. Heroin

10. Your neck becoming old and wrinkly

11. Birthday dinners in which it’s suggested that you all just split the bill

12. Asking your boss for a raise

13. Sweat stains that ruin your white shirts FOREVER

14. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The original one, not the remake starring Jessica Biel, although both are terrifying in their own unique ways

15. People being like “No, you can’t marry this person because it makes me totes uncomffff. SORRY NOT SORRY! TC Mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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