Just when you thought Fox News couldn’t get any better, they go and publish an insane op-ed called “The War On Men” (Really babe? A war? Like with real guns and stuff? Or just with angry women yielding tampons?) that makes you smack your forehead in delightful frustration. After publishing this piece, I’m sure everyone at Fox News did a happy jig and yelled, “YEAH, BITCH. WE STILL GOT IT!!! Who wants to go to Guy Fieri’s new restaurant in Times Square to celebrate the imminent page views?”
Writer Al Bundy, oops I mean Suzanne Venker, posits that modern women are having trouble finding a dude to marry them these days because, um, they’re not women anymore! What do you mean, Suzanne? Are you inferring that women have somehow lost their vaginas during the commute to their high-powered jobs? According to Venker, women are now being raised with a certain level of hostility towards men and that needs to stop ASAPular! She also says that men don’t want to compete with women. They just want to go to work and provide for them in exchange for some home cooked meals and late night back tickles. WHY, OH WHY, CAN’T WOMEN JUST LET THEM DO THAT? STOP WORKING AND WANTING TO DO THINGS WITH YOUR LIVES. Don’t they realize that they’re just making it that much harder for themselves? After all, who’s going to want to marry a chick with a 401k? Dealbreaker!
Venker’s advice to all ‘dem single career ladies is to essentially get back in the kitchen and start movin’ the chicken! Take five steps back by flipping off Gloria Steinem and become more docile, invest in a Valium prescription, and perhaps consider getting a lobotomy.
You know, it’s really easy to sit here and laugh at this pre-Feminine Mystique garbage but perhaps what’s most frightening about an op-ed like this is that I’m sure some men and women agree with it. Somewhere out there a woman is reading it and being like, “I KNOW, GURL, I KNOW!” and a man is like, “Finally, a girl who understands my predicament. Thank you, Jesus!” This idea of there being a war on a dude’s masculinity just because women are doing things other than homemaking is ludicrous but apparently not that far-fetched to not be written about on a major news outlet. My takeaway message from reading this drivel? People and their opinions are scary. I’m just imaging a bunch of women right now dressed in business suits a la Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion, carrying torches, and screaming at a group of cowering men. “And after I get my masters, I’m going to work for a major corporation,” one woman in a power suit hisses. “And I’m going to wear a Nuva Ring while doing it!” In the end, the only thing “The War On Men” demonstrates is that there’s still very much a war on women. People are still wagging their fingers at ladies who choose having a career over a ring and a baby— or, god forbid, dare to have it all!—and that’s something to legitimately be scared of–not this bogus war on penis that Fox News seems to have pulled out of their ass.