19 Things You Shouldn’t Do If You Want People To Think That You’re Straight

1. Go to a hair salon carrying a picture of Lil’ Kim with bleached blonde hair and tell your hairstylist, “I want to look like that.”

2. Dye your hair parakeet orange with hints of “crimson glow” like Angela Chase.

3. Date a girl with scoliosis and excruciating amounts of leg hair in middle school. (You might as well have just came out and dated a dude.)

4. Tell people that your favorite movie is The Virgin Suicides and that you’re in “love” with Lux Lisbon.

5. Explain to your friends that your type of girl is “quirky indie” like Parker Posey and Chloe Sevigny.

6. Listen to Billie Holiday… on vinyl.

7. Join your high school’s gay club and identify yourself as being a straight ally.

8. Have a gay uncle.

9. Develop a close friendship with a straight guy in middle school and start screaming at him if he forgets to call you back one night.

10. Buy issues of Nylon.

11. Tell your friends that you aren’t ready to kiss a girl yet because it’s a lot to handle emotionally and you don’t want to rush into anything.

12. Have Blockbuster call your house and inform your mom that Queer As Folk: Season 1 is overdue.

13. When your name is taken at role call, respond, “Present… thank youuuuuuu.”

14. Look at gay porn on the shared family computer.

15. Own all of Britney Spears’ CD’s but tell your friends it’s because she’s so hot and that’s why you know all the lyrics/dance moves.

16. Take all of your straight guy friends to go see Great Expectations in the theaters. You tell them it’s for the Gwyneth Paltrow nude scenes but it’s really because YOU’RE GAY.

17. Have your girlfriends’ color your nails in with highlighter during class.

18. Have people describe you as “bitchy” at the tender age of 12.

19. Tell people you’re going to be a writer. TC Mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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