People won’t tell you that loving someone often feels like a full-time job. It doesn’t always come easy or natural. It’s like a skill that needs to be perfected over time.
Am I loving you, right? Let me know if I need to do better. I want to do better.
There are good lovers and bad lovers. There are people who were born to love and others who need practice. You might be the latter. You might get fired from your job a few times before you land somewhere that makes sense.
People won’t tell you that love is about establishing a rhythm with someone. It feels like a choreographed dance. You have to take the right steps. Otherwise, you’re going to fall flat on your face.
People won’t tell you that love can feel too intense. Like it’s going to break your body in half and cause your heart to bleed out. These moments, while amazing, can leave you scared. They can leave you shaken and feeling extra cautious. Do you want to love someone so much? Is it good for you? Should you retreat?
People won’t tell you how close love exists to hate. They’re kissing cousins. They’re next door neighbors. They’re one eye roll, one undercooked dish, one mess away from each other. Keep the hate at bay and make sure it doesn’t crawl in your bed at night. It has a habit of doing that. It has a habit of not giving you a choice.
People won’t tell you love that can turn you into someone you don’t want to be. An asshole. Needy. Insecure. It takes a flashlight to your wounds and rips at them. Better cover up real good because when it’s over, everything will be out in the open. Every flaw, every mistake, every moment of anger. It’ll all be there.
People won’t tell you that love can be a bastard. It can smack you across the face. It can leave you for dead. You’ll deny that it’s hurting you. You’ll cover up the bruises because you don’t want it to ever be taken away from you.
People won’t tell you that you actually need love. Sure, you can survive without it. You can drown yourself in self-love. You can take cooking classes, distract yourself from the absence of another person’s touch, try knitting, masturbate excessively. But it won’t cure it. It won’t get rid of the fact that you need someone else in your bed, someone that makes sense and treats you with kindness. How can you not need this? How can you not crave it every single day you wake up alone?
Wait. Don’t answer that. It’s not polite. In fact, we can’t talk about this at all anymore. These are the things about love that we just can’t discuss.