The 7 Best (And Worst) Celebrity Twitter Accounts

1. Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus’ Twitter reads like a fifteen year old’s diary. There are a lot of hearts, inspirational quotes, and pictures of her dogs. She also uses it as an opportunity to address haters, slam paparazzi, and give updates about her hair. Overall, she seems to be a happy girl but one thing she’s very honest about is her brave battle with insomnia. She often tweets things like “can’t sleep dang it!” and when she does that, it feels like we’re getting to know THE REAL HER, you know? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I would love to see her be more honest and tweet about getting wasted and taking bong rips (the most salacious gossip we get is when she accidentally eats gluten) but it doesn’t seem very likely. Maybe as she gets older, she’ll be more comfortable showing us more than her sideboob.

Grade: C+

2. Rihanna

Rihanna is crazy. Rihanna is high. Rihanna LOVES astrology! Those are the most obvious things I can glean from her Twitter feed. It’s one of my favorite celebrity Twitter accounts because there is no censor. Homegirl will post pictures of herself where she looks like a straight-up junkie and does not care. It’s Rihanna’s world, we just tweet in it. Other highlights of the feed: whenever Rihanna talks about getting high or writes saccharine crap like this: “If I just spread my wings I can fly.” LOL, okay honey. How high are you flying when you’re on that purple haze tip?

Grade: A-

3. Cher

Cher tweets like a toddler with brain damage which is why I LOVE her Twitter so much. You think with all that money and power, Cher would have an assistant draft her tweets but no sirrie. Cher’s in control all the way which means that there’s a ton of grammar and punctuation errors. Sample tweet: “I need2 talk 2 ppl Who DONT LOVE ME 2 ! Im a Fighter!” Um, okay, I get that old people don’t understand computers but if you’ve mastered Twitter, you should know how to use a spacebar. Maybe Cher’s just screwing with us and she’s secretly a great writer?

Grade: A

4. Britney Spears

If Rihanna and Cher are uncensored divas, Britney’s Twitter is a sad case of a celebrity who’s been neutered by her team of handlers. Much like the real Britney herself, her feed is devoid of any real personality. She tweets smiley faces over bland non-committal statements and occasionally will tweet a picture of her lounging by the pool. The whole thing is a snoozefest. Xanax and mood stabilizers do the tweeting, not Britney.

Grade: F

5. Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber holds the honorable distinction of having the second most Twitter followers EVER. So what do 26 million people get the pleasure of reading? Um, nothing. His Twitter feed is mostly RT’s of compliments from fans which is the absolute worst. Why do people RT compliments? You don’t go up to people and talk about how everyone thinks you’re great, right? Then why would you do that to millions of strangers?!

Grade: F

6. Heidi Montag

Seriously, are all celebrities secretly five-year-old girls? Do they have that condition as seen in the Robin Williams movie Jack where they look grown up but have actually only been alive for a few years? Because some of these Twitter accounts are shockingly dumb. I’m talking middle school thoughts here. Heidi Montag’s Twitter is my favorite example of this. It’s soooo insipid. Like, I can just see Heidi hunched over at her computer, wincing real hard and typing tweets with one finger. Examples: “Wow I’m up late! It’s must be Saturday!” or” Listening to Christmas music… Never too early to get that Christmas spirit!” WHAT? Honey, you had 10 cosmetic procedures done in one day. You hate yourself. You are the darkest of the #dark and you’re tweeting about CHRISTMAS MUSIC? Let’s get real.

Grade: B+

7. Lindsay Lohan

One of my favorite pastimes is to tweet mean things at Lindsay Lohan. I know it’s not very evolved of me but I can’t resist. She’s just so insane! Once she tweeted at LA County telling them that she’s a taxpayer and they need to fix a broken stoplight on Sunset Boulevard. I tweeted at her, “Um, your BS has wasted so many tax dollars lol!” Because seriously. How much of our taxpayer dollars have gone to keeping her locked up? Like no. You don’t get to be a brat about a broken stoplight when we’ve been funding your shenanigans! Besides that, Lindsay tries to project an “Every girl” vibe on her Twitter feed. She tweets about missing her family and talks about spending a day at the beach. It’s all very PG and not very accurate of what’s really going on in her life. LiLo is falling asleep in bathtubs at the Chateau Marmont, not surfing.

Grade: B- TC Mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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More From Thought Catalog

  • http://www.facebook.com/brianmay Brian Gregory May

    Ricky Gervais could be on this list. Funny guy. Terrible tweeter.

  • Not a douche

    Who are any of these people?

    • stef

      oh please.

  • http://www.completelyfictional.com Zack S.

    No Kreayshawn? Terrible list.

  • http://www.facebook.com/breanna.robles.3 Breanna Robles

    Dude. Ryan Lochte’s tweets. They’re beautiful.

    • anon

      #JEAH

  • Mercedes

    Why is this not on the list?: http://twitter.com/OprahTheDog

  • A.

    this is by far my favorite rihanna tweet: https://twitter.com/rihanna/status/234502920580780034

    • http://baileypowell.com Bailey Powell

      So good.

  • http://www.facebook.com/andeenero Andrea Nero

    RIP AMANDA BYNES’ TWITTER.

  • http://twitter.com/ayecaleb Caleb Ray (@ayecaleb)

    TC articles that can make me LOL are the best.

  • http://www.facebook.com/damian.k Damian Kennedy

    Jose Canseco! The most amazing twitter stream ever! He has crazy mood swings. One tweet is all “Stand up for TRUTH. TRUTH in ALL THINGS!” Then the next one is “God I miss u leila so much i love you let’s get married” Then “I CAN DESTROY ANYONE IN A HOME RUN CONSTEST” Then “FUK U LEILA U BITCH”

    Amazing.

    • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans (@mung_beans)

      Jose Canseco’s twitter is incredible.

      “clowns if you dont stop your mass consumption we will have no polar bears soon need to recycle or else no more bears”

  • mrgreenjeans

    “Seriously, are all celebrities secretly five-year-old girls?” No but intraweb pseudowriters who stalk them are

    • http://baileypowell.com Bailey Powell

      SLAM

      I like it

  • http://gravatar.com/wardwilliams exitplan

    I’d hardly call her a “celebrity,” but Courtney Stodden’s alliterative tweets often make my day: “Courtney Stodden ‏@CourtneyStodden
    Sweetly stimulating this succulent sucker by slowly stroking it with my surreptitious tongue … yum! xxx”

  • http://twitter.com/iamnzane Marissa Zane (@iamnzane)

    Sigh, I really love this article (it’s so useful!) but the way you talk about Cher does frustrate me. She has severe dyslexia, which I never knew but I quickly discovered when I looked at her Wikipedia page after laughing and reading some of her tweets.

    You probably didn’t know that (and if you did, it sucks that you’re making fun of her that much) but she isn’t just an old person or a “toddler with brain damage”.

    But seriously, I LOVE reading ridiculous celebrities’ Twitter accounts. I just thought you should know about the Cher thing, because things you’re saying about her do sting a little.

  • guest

    I love Rihanna’s Twitter.
    One time, MTV tweeted this: “Yikes. @Rihanna’s marijuana photos from Coachella spark controversy.”
    And Rihanna Tweeted this: “@MTV Yikes… @rihanna ran out of f***s to give.”

  • Fred

    You clearly forgot about Mr Tom Fletcher. His Twitter is A+

  • estelle

    will ferrell. nuff said

  • bdb

    Paris Hilton!

  • http://gravatar.com/nataliespracticeblog natalieasaurus

    …but why did you call Heidi Montag a celebrity?

  • d0ubleconfessi0n

    Kanye’s Twitter is palpably absent. And not in a good way!

  • Robin

    No, the best, best, BEST twitter is Yoko Ono’s. She seems to have deviated from her normal pattern lately, but here’s a classic Yoko tweet from June 11: “If you take the energy from hate & make something beautiful out of it, you will be proud of your wisdom and creativity and happy.”

    • Robin

      May 31: “Imagine painting all the buildings in the city the color of light.”

  • Alex

    Lil B @lilbthebasedgod

  • http://www.kristenelle.com Kristenelle

    Emma Watson!

  • http://lovelikeangels.wordpress.com/2012/08/14/throwbacks/ Throwbacks « The Paranoid Delusions of A Narcissist

    […] I read this article on Thought Catalog today, and the Rihanna portion stood out to me. I follow her on Twitter, but […]

  • http://twitter.com/ashley_anita Ashley Anita (@ashley_anita)

    @UnfoRETTAble. The comedic genius Retta tweets tv and it is fabulous.

  • kari

    Amanda Bynes twitter was the greatest

  • http://ddakanay.wordpress.com/2012/08/13/saturday-link-roundup-2/ Saturday link roundup | Sphere

    […] The 7 Best (and Worst) Celebrity Twitter Accounts Lost more respect for Justin Bieber when I found out that his Twitter account is just mostly retweets of obsessive gushing from his loyal cult of Beliebers. Twitter self-indulgence: You’re doing it too correctly, Biebs. […]

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