Is it just me or is going on a “friend date” more nerve-wracking than going on a date with someone you want to sleep with? First of all, the stakes for rejection are so much higher on a friend date. If I go on a “date” date and the dude’s not into it, I know it’s not entirely personal. He just doesn’t want to see me naked and that’s fine, I can totally respect that. THIS BODY IS NOT FOR EVERYONE, OKAY? But when you go out for drinks with someone you feel like you have a friend connection with and they don’t text you ever again to hang out, the rejection stings like a mother. Because it’s clear that they just didn’t vibe with your personality. THEY JUST DIDN’T LIKE WHO YOU WERE AS A PERSON. THEY HATED YOUR BRAIN.
I’m turning 26 next month, which means that it’s rare that I ever go on a friend date. At this point, my friend group is pretty solid and the likelihood of me meeting a new BFF seems slim. How would I ever, like, actually meet them? At a party? Sometimes I’ll meet someone who I think I really like but I’ll be too shy to make a move on them. I want to give them my card and be like, “Call me and let’s go on a friend date. I feel like we have a special connection and I would love to have an opportunity to explore that more, if you’re interested.” But, um, no. I can’t do that! Can I?!
I guess I actually can. Since I don’t like or care about most of the people I’m introduced to, if I find myself getting along with someone, I usually try not to let them get away without a phone number exchange. Two years ago, I met two of my best friends, Carey and Colette, while they were visiting New York from Paris. The three of us got along so well that after the weekend was over, I booked a trip to Paris so we could continue our platonic love affair in the spring. Everyone thought I was crazy for doing this. When I told my friends that I was flying to Paris to hang out with two girls I just met, they were just like, “Um, you’re weird.” But I knew! I knew I would end up having an amazing time and thankfully I was right. Our fling in New York translated perfectly across the pond.
That’s just the kind of lesbian stuff I do for my best friends. Like I said, it’s so rare that I actually connect with someone that when I do, it’s like “YES, I WILL FLY ACROSS THE OCEAN 4 U ON OUR SECOND FRIEND DATE. WHY NOT?” Courting friends can be just as thrilling and crazy as courting a new lover. You want to spend all your time with them and know their histories, their families, and their friends. You’re getting to know and love a whole new person, which is so exciting! I get butterflies just thinking about the possibility of finding a new close friend! As much as I think I’ve closed up shop on my social life, I also know that one can never have enough friends in this world. I hope to never be too old to go on a friend date.