The 6 Types Of People I Hate In New York City

1. The people who “don’t go to Brooklyn”

The fact that there’s still any snobbery towards Brooklyn blows my mind. It’s 2012, people! Get it together! Anyone who says to me, “I don’t DO Brooklyn” deserves to be banished to Staten Island forever. Tell me, if you don’t “do” Brooklyn, what do you do? The Highline? The Whole Foods in Union Square? Because the last time I checked, Brooklyn wasn’t some poor, neglected SCARY place. I can understand when people visit New York for the first time and are like, “Oh, Brooklyn? What’s that like?” But if you live here, you have no excuse to be ignorant. Furthermore, you’re making yourself look like some stuck up diva who wouldn’t know fun if it bit them on their trust fund! Go ahead honey, go to Lit Lounge for the 5,000th time. I’ll be over here hanging out in some terrifying underdeveloped borough. SOS! I’m off the Lorimer stop, y’all!

2. Aggressive networkers

I know a lot of people move to New York City for the career opportunities but can we all just take our ambition down a notch? I don’t like it when, within five minutes of meeting me, you’re telling me that we should “work on something together.” Um, work on what? We should work on learning each other’s names before we take a dip in the professional pool together, don’t you think? This eagerness to make connections is transparent and unattractive. And for the love of God, put your business card away! It’s like you’re waving your dick at me and want me to hold it.

3. Fashion people

While there are exceptions, I find the majority of people who work in fashion to be humorless nightmares. Their egos are the size of Kirstie Alley’s waist on a cheat day and they’re somehow under the impression that they OWN New York City. If you’re not associated with the fashion world, you don’t exist in their eyes. Ugh, and they act as if they’re solving world hunger when really they’re just putting expensive clothes on some starving 14-year-old girl from Norway and making her wobble down a runway. OMG, speaking of which, the models! They’re hilarious! They usually travel in packs because they were all basically kidnapped in the middle of the night from their home country and have such a tenuous grasp on the English language. FYI, if you see a group of malnourished 13-year-old girls with braces, chances are they’re high-fashion models—not middle-schoolers.

4. The girls who pretend to be Carrie Bradshaw

You see them out and about in their impractical footwear, holding their fancy cocktails, walking down the cobblestones in the Meatpacking District or haunting Murray Hill like a gaggle of lipstick-smeared ghosts. Welcome back to 2004, y’all! These are the girls who devoured Sex and the City growing up in places like Idaho and promised themselves that the second they had a chance to leave, they would move to The City to have sexy brunch with their sexy girlfriends. They typically go into fashion PR to be close to the GLAMOUR, but instead of repping Marc Jacobs, they end up working with a luxury yoga clothing brand. Oh well! At least they still get to go on a lot of dates. Carrie Bradshaw would be HORRIFIED if she knew the legacy she left behind.

5. People who won’t stop complaining about New York City

I, of all people, know what it’s like to hate New York. During the first three years of living here, I felt nothing but ambivalence for the city. “OMG, I hate it. OMG, wait, I miss it. OMG, no, I still hate it.” While I still experience rollercoaster emotions, things have mellowed out considerably. I accept the city for what it is and forget what it’s not. There’s no point in disliking New York. Rent is too damn expensive to be perpetually on-the-fence about it. Either love it or get out. Someone will gladly take your apartment, job, and significant other when you leave.

6. Hot people

Seriously everyone, stop being so hot. You’re making my stock plummet. I think I’m cute until I see three people in five minutes who look exactly like me but just a little bit cuter. Not fair. I want to feed you all a cheeseburger and give you a zit, so we can all be on the same level. TC Mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • Claire

    love the clueless reference. “our stock will plummet!”

  • namseer

    On the money! Good stuff.

  • http://www.chrisnorstrom.com ChrisNorstrom

    “I accept the city for what it is and forget what it’s not.”

    OH please, please, please write an article on what you hate and love about New York City. I love hearing reviews about different cities to live.

  • Sherród

    SPOT FUCKING ON. Bravo!

  • Milou

    f you, ryan, you almost always make me actually laugh out loud or force me to try and play off my quiet sobbing at work. you’re a wizard.

  • http://www.facebook.com/michellerows Michelle Garcia

    You know what — I love Brooklyn and I can brush most anyone off. Why haven’t I moved to the city yet?

  • http://twitter.com/EvWasLike Ev Junior (@EvWasLike)

    As a native Bronxite, and critic of NYC transplant culture, I contend that Brooklyn is overrated. That might not be the popular opinion, but most people don’t hang out anywhere but Brooklyn and lower Manhattan. Queens, Harlem, Washington Heights, and the Bronx have just as much to offer, just without the pretension and inflated prices.

    • meep

      So agree with this. Can I add to the list of people I hate in New York:

      Transplants who think Brooklyn is the be-all, end-all of life and pat themselves on the back for living in an “outer borough.”

      Let me know when you make it to the Bronx, bro. And not just when you’re passing through to go upstate.

      • http://www.ariestrash.com ariestrash

        I concur! I literally said to myself when reading that first bullet point…”people don’t go to Brooklyn, not because it’s dangerous and whatnot, but because it’s infested with hipsters. Completely overrated.” And this is coming from a native to the city, who grew up in the Heights and now lives in Harlem. Brooklyn is really lovely, it is, I’m not afraid to admit that, but it’s completely unbearable.

  • http://twitter.com/mbp817 Marc Phillips (@mbp817)

    Haha, I will have you know I do love The Highline and the Whole Foods in Union Square. Thanks for making me laugh out loud. Truth be told I’m not against BKLYN, I just haven’t gone out there yet.

  • Angela

    You’ve been here for some years now so now you can get mad at people who don’t love it here and complain about high rent? Rent is only high because people like you keep moving in–and then moving out. Native New Yorkers, particularly those in your beloved Brooklyn, are getting priced out of their neighborhoods my people willing to pay absurd rent prices just to be here, while they are not even able to save $50 from their paycheck.

    And although Staten Island might not be the most loved borough, we should all be so luck to be banished there since it is the borough with the highest average income and most green space. It might take you a little longer to get home, however.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8v6cZ21vlc PileOfShirt69

    At first I was a little surprised you didn’t include Subway musicians (who I think are worse than all 6 types you mentioned) but then I remembered that Subway musicians aren’t classified as people so much as either subhuman scum or an unpleasant gas you can see and hear. I’m glad I’ve never encountered #1, but I agree for sure on all the rest.

  • Esther

    You forgot ignorant tourists

  • Golden Boy

    Ryan, this actually sounds different than your other stuff. This feels honed and controlled.
    P.s. can you write a TC on what cum tastes like? Thanks!

    • Eddie

      I completely agree. While I like a lot of Ryan’s stuff, this surpasses most of it. I didn’t even realize he wrote it until I got down to this comment and saw his name, scrolled back up and realized it was his work. Ryan, this was a really nice piece!

  • DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

    BK 718 ALL DAY EVERYDAY!!!

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/07/the-6-types-of-people-i-hate-in-new-york-city/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog » Life Add a comment […]

  • lou

    the author has RIPPED OFF the ‘Ten types of models you will meet, greet and delete’ post on amodelanonymous.tumblr.com its the same kimnd of thing

  • http://bethaniethewookie.wordpress.com Bethanie the Wookie

    This made me giggle as well as have a renewed sense of wishing I could live there.

  • FUCKOUTTAHERE

    You complain about Manhattan snobbery and then diss Staten Island?

    • Ryan O'Connell

      i was making a point that the people who say “i dont do brooklyn” definitely dont do staten island

      • John

        Haha yeah, sure you were..

  • duncansomerside

    I’m completely obsessed with you. This is soo good.

  • James

    For every one person who says they don’t do Brooklyn, there are 10 people who live in Brooklyn who think its the center of the universe and look down on people who live in Queens. Just sayin!

  • Steve

    “The 6 Types Of People I Hate In New York City”? …. Find some content worth writing about and stop b*tching about other people’s lives. Didn’t even finish reading your piece because it was pointless. The more negativity you perceive in others then the same will ring true of their perceptions of yourself. Take people for who they are and gravitate towards the positive things in life. Happiness is not found in criticizing others…. unless, of course, you’re a douche.

  • GETMEOUTOFTHISCLOSET.

    Wowwwww as a recent NYC transplant sitting in a fashion closet at my unpaid magazine internship, you are SO SPOT ON. My boss treats shoes with the same intensity that should be reserved for nuclear warfare. I hate fashion people. I love Brooklyn. I hate aggressive networkers. I love New York. Good job on this piece, dude.

  • MM

    every time I think of Queens I think of Tiana, the show on Nickelodeon back in the day….

  • Marie

    I wish someone would write this about people in DC. Definitely a lot of very hate-able characters around here. Hill-terns who lester shocked that you are less than impressed, people who call themselves townies but probably grew up in the suburbs of VA/MD, excellent and courteous drivers who are the paragon of safety, pushy Lululemon consumers who mention to you their kale consumption with every passing breath…

    Nope, not bitter at all.

  • guest

    how does it feel to get your dick sucked by countless people every time you post?

  • alice

    New York is overrated… yet I haven’t found anywhere else that compares (where I can speak fluent English anyway)

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