Miss Advised: Crazy Women Are Crazy

Miss Advised is one of the most terrifying reality shows on television. The premise follows three women, who are so-called relationship experts, as they try to navigate their own lackluster love lives and attempt to “have it all.” You see, they make their living off of giving people love and sex advice, but they can’t seem to apply any of it to their own lives. Oh, the delicious irony! By golly, I think there might be a show in here. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ratings, bitch!

Meet Amy. She’s a matchmaker living in New York City who reeks of desperation and Chanel No. 5. Amy’s “matchmaking service” appears to be operated out of a broom closet and I’m 99% positive all her clients are just her mom’s friends from yoga. I honestly don’t believe anyone would actually pay her to do anything other than to go away. Amy is… a little bit unhinged. She twitches with nervous energy and likes to wear ugly berets out in public. She also has a full-blown eating disorder, which comes to the surface when she goes out to dinner. On one episode, Amy is on a date with this dude who appears to have no interest in her, other than being on television, and nearly has a heart attack when he suggests they order the chicken pot pie. Her eyes bulge, she struggles with her words and can’t seem to catch her breath.

“The chicken pot pie?!!!!”

“Um, yeah,” the dude responds, looking both confused and bored.

“I don’t think that’s going to be possible for me. I don’t even eat that on my cheat days!”

Her hands trembling on the menu, Amy decides to be very brave and order the hot chocolate.

“I can’t believe I’m drinking a hot chocolate. This is insane. I’m going to have to do serious lunges tomorrow.”

Her hot chocolate arrives and, to Amy’s horror, it’s been doused with whipped cream. Again, Amy nearly has a heart attack and beckons the waiter.

“EXCUSE ME, SIR! I know this is strange to ask but can I not have whipped cream? I just… I can’t. Thanks so much…”

The prospect of having to consume actual food has clearly almost triggered a psychotic episode in Amy. When her hot chocolate arrives sans whipped cream, she sips it with blind terror. In her eyes though, this is her making progress. This is her being “normal.”

Can you tell Amy is my favorite? Her storylines are always thinner than the other two girls and I’m guessing that’s because most of her footage is her lying around in a bathrobe and pretending to make calls on her cell phone to people who don’t actually exist. “Hello?” she whispers to a dialtone. “Jeff, is that you? It’s Amy. We met at Whole Foods in front of the kale aisle. I need you, Jeff. Please call me.”

In other words, she’s a reality TV dream who might not be ready for her close-up.

Meet Julia Allison, one of the most hated girls on the internet, who naturally has landed herself a reality show. I have to admit that I only knew of her vaguely before the show aired, so I was going into the show with an open heart, mind, and blog. After having to endure her annoying behavioral tics for five minutes, however, I can understand why the internet has been taking a dump on her face for the past five years because SHE’S ANNOYING AS HELL. There’s this insufferable infantile quality to her. Like, she’s 30, but her personality became frozen in junior high, along with her fashion sense. I just imagine her running around her bedroom in a tutu, scribbling hearts on her notebook, and blasting “This is the story of a girl…” by Nine Days. She has Peter Pan syndrome, so much so that she’s already resorted to using fillers on her face, which make her look freakish and always in a state of manic euphoria.

Julia approaches men with fervor and they seem to be completely terrified of her. On all of her dates, she basically mauls them and begs for a kiss. It’s very unsettling to watch — this grown woman throwing herself on these boys who are clearly made uncomfortable by her antics — but Julia seems completely oblivious to how she’s being perceived. To find out what she’s doing wrong, Julia seeks out the help of a witch doctor and happiness coach, both of whom tell her that she needs to dial it down and act like a sane person. But Julia can’t do it. Julia needs to behave extreme at all times, which means laughing maniacally and screaming things at her dates, as they start running for the exit. She seems to display some manic tendencies. She’s either laughing, screaming, or crying. There’s no in-between for her, which I guess makes for good TV, but I feel bad for her friends and loved ones who have to deal with her IRL.

Meet Emily. She hosts a radio show in San Francisco and doles out sex advice to strangers. She’s the most sane out of the bunch. Like, I can just imagine her meeting Julia and Amy, and being like, “Um, I’m going to sit over… here.” I like her. She’s smart and funny and gets it. You always need a Greek chorus on a reality show, someone who is thinking and feeling the same things as the viewers, and Emily would be that. She’s great.

Miss Advised presents women in a very “Kate Hudson romantic comedy” light — which is to say that it makes them look psychotic and desperate. It’s a shame really because that narrative has been explored so many times, to the detriment of our society. Here’s three CRAZY women who, of course, can’t land a man because they’re NUTS. GIRLS ARE INSANE, CAN’T YOU SEE? For all of its progressive quirks and charms, Bravo has done a real disservice to women with this show. Julia and Amy might make for good TV but their antics reinforce the same, sad stereotypes about single women, and for that, this show seems sorely misadvised. TC Mark

image – Miss Advised

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

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  • sara

    i love misadvised!

  • http://twitter.com/MissHezah Heather Sundell (@MissHezah)

    BRAVO! Not the network, YOU. This is spot on. It’s my new favorite trainwreck to watch through finger slits held over my eyes. Also, you’re absolutely right about this being two steps back for women kind…unfortunately, a lot of women really are the crazy. Stay gay.

    • Natalia

      Gay are crazy women locked in man’s body. At least, You’d expect women to be psychotic like this in some cases. When there are men with same brain/attitude – that is even more ridiculous.. I didn’t mean to be cruel, just raw fact.
      A lot of these type of TV shows – trash, but easy to sell.. Good business, poor ethics. Addicting though, you get irritated, just wanna slap half of the characters.. but get into this mess, like you have nothing better to do.. and continue to watch. Like I said, good business. Sad fact. Shame on TV, shame on us.

  • http://www.facebook.com/brandonwhumphries Brandon Humphries

    Ugh, Sex and the City has done so much harm to women’s image of themselves. This show is case in point. Ladies, YOU ARE NOT A CARRIE, and that’s OK.

    • FrostBiteMe

      Sex and the City, harmful? No.

      Gossip Girl, the Hills, the Bachelor and just about every scripted reality show out, YES!!

    • http://yahoo Sherry

      Sex in the city is about fantasy, thats all. Its all about the F word, FUN, as in fun to watch, and great stress reliever.

  • FrostBiteMe

    I just watched this on MUTE while at the Gym. Thanks for confirming that I didn’t miss anything, lol!

  • Al

    I find this show extremely entertaining, solely for the fact that, no one in their right mind would ever take advice from these women… any show produced by Ashley Tisdale has train wreck written all over it. Anyone that goes to either of these women looking for advice on love, relationships or even a good burger joint deserves the outcome…

  • Brett

    I’m so glad someone found the hot chocolate scene as uncomfortable as I did!

  • Eva

    I have been waiting for this article! I love to hate this show. I cannot stop watching. As a way to help Amy realize her craziness, sometimes I just want to tell her (by tweeting, because yes I follow her on twitter) that her high maintenance and desperate demeanor is getting in her way of finding love. I laughed the whole way through this… thank you Ryan!

  • meg

    SPOT. ON. omg the hot cocoa scene…Amy needs to chill.

  • suzette

    I am totally flabbergasted! Amy has a bad attitude, knows nothing about customer service, was rude to a potential client, is totally unprofessional and classless, does not know what is an aperitif or venison etc etc. Is her business even successful and how did she become an expert on dating when she is doing so poorly is amazing. Is this supposed to be a show about sophisticated women????????????????????????

  • Lissa

    First time to watch this show–happened upon it. What is that fake accent Amy has? So not attractive or even real!! I would NEVER take any type of advice from these neurotic women. Really shouldn’t complain, because I will never watch again, maybe even so I’ll never have to hear Amy’s fake New York pseudo-sophisticate Valley Girl bad imitation….geez.

  • Cw

    I’ve been watching this and Julia is a nut!! Im embarrassed to see that she’s from the Chicago area. Please understand that not all women are that way.

  • Natalia

    Thanks for the post, and thanks for the show! Makes me feel very good about myself! I am sane and happy! I will celebrate this fact with a cup of hot cocoa now, and have some burgers with my hubby later!

  • Lance

    “Emily is smart and funny and gets it?” You mean every male on the planet gets her, as in f’s her. The description that comes to mind is WHORE and SKANK.

  • Christine Ackerman

    I just want to say that after your commentary of this show, I find myself asking who the *&^% are you?! Do you have a PhD? Real women can be crazy, as can men! These observations may prove the human condition. You seemed to have never mentioned the fact that these females had cameras in their faces incessantly. How might you react to having a camera in your face in every romantic pursuit, as opposed to writing to readers that may never see you? Love is messy, love is a leap. Love will always be a risk and never being scared of laughing at yourself in the process. These women have all been us…at one time or another…You all want reality tv…well, here it is…

  • http://yahoo Sherry

    Love this show as it demonstrates how not to act with men! I do love Emily. I agree with her advice that there is no such thing as “the one”. I do think there are better matches made if there is time spent with someone and a willingness to be open to them. Fun show to watch!

  • m. doulton

    funny how not one of you mentioned the obvious thing about what utter dickheads most of the men were. i did not see anything especially psycho about these women, but certainly justifiably sad about thier attempts to find even one guy who wasnt so jaded and self-adoring to have an ounce of respect or kindness for women. do they qualify as dating eperts? dating guinea pigs, really, and why wouldnt they be paranoid about thier wieght and looks when men have become so apathetic that they have to be pleaded with for a crummy kiss, jeez. women should try a little fucking sisterhood with each other for a change.

  • http://www.emotionallybrokenpsychos.com/?p=1543 34: A Reality Television Cornucopia | Emotionally Broken Psychos

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