Why He Will Never Love You

You’re kissing this boy right now. You’re kissing him and he’s kissing you. Actually, he’s not really kissing you. He might be moving his mouth in the correct ways and moaning but he’s gone. He’s not here right now. Leave a message at the beep. You’re kissing his mouth and soon you’ll be kissing his neck and finally you’ll be kissing his cock but you mustn’t forget something: you are never kissing his heart. Not even close.

Remember that this boy is an asshole and he has been sent here on Earth to destroy open-hearted people like you. He’s here to tarnish your self-esteem and leave you in pieces. He’s here to be a chapter in your book, and you a pithy footnote in his. You will have two wildly different interpretations of the relationship and when the stories don’t match up, it will make you feel like you’re losing your mind, that you really are the delusional psycho he’s painted you out to be. Don’t worry. You’re not. You’ve just met the boy who’s supposed to destroy people like you.

He doesn’t love you like you love him. Your love is this big, beaming light and his love is that dead gnat on the ground. But for right now, I guess he’s yours. He’s renting out his body to you for the night as a courtesy. At first, you’ll feel so glad that he did. “Oh thank you,” you’ll cry out at his feet. “Thank you for letting me having you for this brief moment of ecstasy.” When it’s all over though, you’ll hate him. Just like that. You’ll have arrived at his house with such promise and vigor to change him but he sucked you dry yet again. He wanted you to know that it will never be the way you want it to be, that he will never be the way you want him to be. And now you know. Again. Hold on to this knowledge until you develop the amnesia that’ll keep you coming back for more.

Rule number one: Never believe anything anyone tells you in bed. Beds are safe spaces where lies take root and grow, grow, grow all the way to the ceiling until, suddenly, you’ll find yourself surrounded by nothing but lies. Overgrown weeds you have to whack your way through just to get out of bed. Some people never leave though. Some people are comforted by the lies so they sleep with them every night.

This can’t be you. You have to get out of bed. As fast as you can.

He will say sweet things to you in bed, things you can’t believe are coming out of his mouth. It’s easy to say those sweet things when you’re lying next to a naked body. Try telling them again when you’re in a turtleneck and have a cold and ice is sticking to your face. It’s a lot harder then.

He leaves your bed and the second he does, the spell is broken. Even the way he dresses — casually, lazily, dismissive — will be enough to make your heart sink again. “Come back to bed,” you’ll say, patting the sheets.

“I can’t. Sorry. Got stuff to do today.”

He fills you up just to deplete you later.

You can only have him in bed. Outside of it, you can’t have anything. You’re stripped of your rights.

Don’t act surprised. You know better than to act surprised.

Just get out. He’s a dead-end. He won’t let you love him. Never will. You’re loving brick and mortar. Not a human body. You can love more than a wall. Hell, you need to love more than a wall.

He leaves. You lay in bed just a little longer so you can linger with his smells. You decide that you hate him.

He hates you.

No, wait. That’s still not right.

You hate yourself. TC Mark

image – Shutterstock

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://gabydunnthoughtcatalog.wordpress.com Gaby Dunn

    Fucking nailed it.

  • http://twitter.com/kaimcn I'm the infamous Kai (@kaimcn)

    UGH Ryan, did you have to post this in summer, the season of empty encounters?!

  • http://twitter.com/MissHezah Heather Sundell (@MissHezah)

    Ryan never disappoints, but this…this was truly exceptional.

    • Kenai

      indeed. this guy is a writer to be inspired.

      • http://www.facebook.com/emily.mancer Emily Mancer

        he really is. ryan, please write a book – and if you’ve already got a book deal, when’s the release date?

  • Yup

    Bravo

  • EGL

    i second Gaby.

  • http://twitter.com/sh_megan Megan Cunningham (@sh_megan)

    shit.

  • Jessica

    So good. So so good.

  • erin

    all of this, but especially the weeds/bed part. my god.

  • http://www.facebook.com/angelissa.untalan Angelissa Untalan

    I will only kiss the heart (and everything else) of my husband who, for who he simply is and what he has vowed to me in front of God and the world, will always love me.

  • Maddie

    It’s weird how whenever I come on this site there’s always something relevant to my current situation. I have this exact guy in my life and I was just about to text him but I’m not going to now, or ever again for that matter. Thanks, Ryan.

  • julez

    way harsh tai~*

    • Elle

      This comment is even better than the post itself.

  • Jordyn

    well, fuck

  • Brian Time

    Where are the rose pedals on my virginity bed?
    YAWN
    So glad I’m over this crap….oh wisdom

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/07/why-he-will-never-love-you-2/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog » Love & Sex Add a comment […]

  • http://twitter.com/julesgooles Julia G. (@julesgooles)

    If only I had the courage to email this to Mr. Asshole.

    • http://www.facebook.com/tekniklr Teri Solow

      Unfortunately, that would probably just confuse the asshole, or make him think you are crazy, or both.

    • http://twitter.com/jesshett jesshett (@jesshett)

      girl, resort to Twitter. I totally did. AND IT FEELS GREAT.

      he already thinks I’m a psycho. The jig is up. And since Ryan stated this so eloquently & Mr. Asshole can read, I assure you he got it. feels so good, feels so great.

  • who

    wish I have read this article 3 weeks ago.

  • Rebecca

    in tears because this is spot-on

  • http://loveandchunkybits.tumblr.com MB

    Maybe you should be happy to be with someone. Why are u trying to control this guy? If he has stuff to do better than lay with u in bed all day, is that a crime? The problem is ur searching for TV version of love, and being sick to ur stomach realizing TV love is a privilege, not a right! And it doesnt mean u hate urself bc u feel empty after getting it in. Ur love is still legit even if they dont “love” u back. Know when else u will feel this way again? When u have kids… and ull give them everything and more and theyll be jerks. Ahhh, everyone get over themselves!

    I’m sure we have all been the “offending” party in this situation. SUre their have been friends u screwed over, parents, confidantes, associates. Get off the high horse, ur normal! If u dont like it, get out. If u do like it, stay in! Take the good with the bad.

    • Jack

      “Maybe you should be happy to be with someone.”

      Well, if that’s not the saddest thing I’ve ever heard I don’t know what is.

    • nikki

      That sounds a hell of a lot like settling.

  • Deanna

    like a punch in the stomach. perfectly articulated.

  • polkadotpink11@gmail.com

    This is not only amazing, but my life.

  • Bhavika

    I have no words, really.
    My emotions, my experiences, better expressed than I would be able to myself.

  • Tiffany

    Jesus. Y’all have been spot. fucking. on. and I’m kind of convinced that Thought Catalog is collectively spying on my life.

  • MerPond

    If it wasn’t for Ryan O’Connell, I’d never read Thought Catalog. Sorry, everyone else who writes for Thought Catalog!

  • Allie

    There are so many psychopaths out there who don’t know how to love anyone, will say anything to get what they want, and have no empathy for the broken hearts they leave behind them. Look up a list of psychopathic traits; you have described one spot on.

  • http://twitter.com/Katchin05 Pepper Potts (@Katchin05)

    Ryan, you don’t know my life, okay?!
    *sobs hysterically*

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