Dating In College Vs. Dating As A Post-Grad

On how you meet

College You: He’s in one of my classes and I’ve always had a crush on him. One night, we ran into each other at a mutual friend’s house party and just started making out. It was really organic and afterwards we realized that we actually have tons of friends in common. It’s really easy to blend our two groups!

Post-Grad You: I met him online or a friend set us up on a blind date. We have two mutual friends on Facebook. I don’t know. He, like, went to Tulane for his undergrad and is from Michigan. He might be a serial killer but that’s the risk you take dating after college. Boys don’t come with references.

On defining the relationship

College You: He’s my college boyfriend. He’s definitely the boyfriend I’m having in college, if not forever. It’s on Facebook and everything. We hooked up for like two months before making it official. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND, Y’ALL!

Post-Grad You: So this is weird. I’ve been hooking up with this guy on the regular for like six months but we have no title. I feel like we’ll be getting one soon? You can only do this vague stuff for so long, right? There’s going to come a point when you have to either shit or get off the pot. The thing is though that I’m not even sure if I want to be in a relationship with this dude. What we have going is sweet and easy. We have such a good time together but, I don’t know, labels are scary. And if we do actually decide to date for real, I am NOT putting it on Facebook. If anything, I’ll just remove the “Single.”

On co-habitating

College You: We have our own apartments obvi but ALL my stuff is at his place. I’m never home anymore. I basically live at his house and I love it!!! (My roommates hate me for not being around though.)

Post-Grad You: I guess we’ll live together eventually. It would be cheaper. We’d both save a ton of money actually but, like, if we move in together, that’s so final. Like, we’re basically saying that the next step is marriage. You can’t take a step back from that. You can’t just live together for a year and all of a sudden be like, “JK! I still love you but let’s go back to living separately!” I’m in no rush to move in together, to be honest. I can’t even poop at my boyfriend’s house, so I would be screwed if we lived together.

The biggest issue in the relationship

College You: He doesn’t text me back ASAP and sometimes he passes out drunk before we can have sex. Oh, and his friends are dumb.

Post-Grad You: We have very different career paths and he’s had trouble supporting himself financially. Money is a “thing” in relationships now and it sucks. In college, you’d be like, “Oh, you can only afford a 3$ falafel for dinner? Sweet. Me too. Let’s stay in!” but now it’s like, “You have no money AGAIN? When will you ever have money? I don’t want to be supporting you for forever. You have to pull your own weight! How can I have babies with someone who can’t afford a 10 dollar hamburger?”

On online dating

College You: Are you kidding me? I’m not 27.

Post Grad You: Damn, I’m turning 27…TC Mark

image – Camerakarrie

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • jBird

    Maybe I happen run with a relatively mature and intelligent circle, but “College You” sounds more like “High-School You.”

    • http://twitter.com/copper0928 Alyssa Reget (@copper0928)

      Give yourself a few years. You’ll be imitating college you in the same fashion when you hit 27.

      I still can’t believe how many Audios Motherfuckers I drank back then…

      • some dude

        Those drinks make for great “I-can’t-remember-what-happened-last-night” nights (I have the most beautiful, and most cherished, video recorded memories thanks to my other drunk friends, by the way.), but then, when I think about it, I’m only 23 transitioning into everything I just nodded my head to in this piece.

      • http://twitter.com/dianasalier diana salier (@dianasalier)

        oh my god, the adios motherfucker! and the tokyo iced tea… and the long island iced tea … those were the days.

      • onyae

        lol. Same here

    • jessesummer

      Not trying to be dick-ish or anything, but I can’t believe people still don’t quite “get” Ryan’s writing style.

  • jBird

    to*, dammit.

  • max

    the worst is dating a 3rd year university student while you’re a first year post-grad. then you get to see how goddamn confusing/petty they really are/you really were.

    • Tom

      TRUTH. meanwhile your post-grad friends think you are “living the dream.”

  • Lee

    EVERYTHING IVE BEEN SAYING. especially the serial killer part

  • Abel

    I…turned 27 today. :(

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/06/dating-in-college-vs-dating-as-a-post-grad/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog » Love & Sex Add a comment […]

  • http://www.facebook.com/youknowiwasheretoo Richa

    That’s me, through and through. The petty, college part, i.e.
    Hate to think of what I’ll be turning into as a post-grad. >.<

  • http://www.facebook.com/brandonwhumphries Brandon Humphries

    Whats really sad is when your 27 and realize that just about everyone under 25 is probably not wanting ANY kind of serious commitment (at least not the ones who haven’t already paired off) so for the first time you start looking at GASP, people OVER 30. It’s kind of liberating dating people who know where they are going to be in 4 years. The college/high school relationship death clock sucks.

    • minicardi

      THIS!

  • A lil too ma-choo-ure

    maybe i’m dating wrong, but i feel like i connected more with the post-grad way of dating than the college one. i’m only 20…

    • Rachel

      I’m 20, and I also connected with the post-grad descriptions more.

      • jam

        me too.

  • B

    oh dear god, WORD.

  • Mari

    You just described my college life, word for word. I’m scared for post-grad now haha.

  • http://arielinwunderland.wordpress.com arielinwunderland

    “College You: He doesn’t text me back ASAP and sometimes he passes out drunk before we can have sex. Oh, and his friends are dumb.”

    This made me laugh so hard. This is totally what college was like.

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  • http://setoshino.wordpress.com Setoshino

    Reblogged this on The World Without Us.

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