20 Things I Did In College That I Will Never Do Again

  1. Do math of any kind, unless I’m calculating a tip, and even then I have my friends and a calculator on my phone to help me.
  2. Smoke weed with the resident pothead at three in the afternoon and earnestly discuss 9/11 as being an inside job.
  3. Hook up with “straight” boys who cry after I make them cum.
  4. Feel okay about looking like a garbage can. No more all-nghters during finals week = no more excuses.
  5. Forget the reason why I’m friends with someone.
  6. Justify my drug use.
  7. Have classroom crushes. I might miss this one most of all. A cute boy sometimes made the difference of whether you went to class or not.
  8. Take my parents for granted.
  9. Be forced to sit in a room with psychos and discuss gender issues. Although, let’s be real, that was fun.
  10. Have entire summers off just to have feelings and make out with boys I don’t like.
  11. Believe that my senior thesis is a big deal. I wrote a novella about the Chateau Marmont????!!!!
  12. Stay up all night writing a paper about the feminist aspects of Victorian literature and then promptly forget everything I had learned and written about.
  13. Have a built-in social group from school and know that I was going to see certain friends at certain times each day. After college, you have to actually put effort in to see your friends and it sucks.
  14. Go to a theme party. No more theme parties.
  15. Be forced to watch people play beer pong, although you never really know when that could pop up again.
  16. Have my main job and #1 priority just be to read amazing books and talk about them with smart{ish} people.
  17. Live in a protected bubble for four years and feel like the world doesn’t exist beyond it. I mean, you know it does, but you just pretend life doesn’t exist outside of your college because it stresses you out.
  18. Get away with getting too drunk and skipping class and sleeping in and letting your hangover guide you through the day. You thought there were consequences to your actions but there really wasn’t.
  19. Have your biggest worry be, “Oh no! I have to write a ten page paper on heteronormative behavior in the context of Friends and it’s due in 12 hours!” Come on, how awesome is that? I’d love to write that paper today.
  20. Have my friends go study abroad and then talk about how it changed their life for the next year. Some people are still talking about it. TC Mark
image – Animal House

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.


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  • http://www.facebook.com/robin.grausam Robin Elizabeth Grausam

    Oh how different life is now 15 years later…sigh.

  • FrostBiteMe

    This list is sooo damn TRUE lol!

    Minus the writing papers part, such a waste of time (see your #12). I never want to do that again and I’m glad I don’t have to.

    Huge co-sign on #7, 12, 13, 17, & 20

  • Camila

    I won’t miss writing papers AT ALL. And it does change your life to study abroad. Or at least you think it does and then everything goes back to normal.

  • savvvyj


  • http://www.funnyfollowsform.com Cameron

    Hm, I have MORE theme parties post college, because now I actually have the time and money to make them count.

  • jess

    this is my life

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/06/20-things-i-did-in-college-that-i-will-never-do-again/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog » Life Add a comment […]

  • Eric

    13. Have a built-in social group from school and know that I was going to see certain friends at certain times each day. After college, you have to actually put effort in to see your friends and it sucks.

    truth. holy crap, truth.

  • http://twitter.com/danapecharo dana pecharo. (@danapecharo)

    #15- ugh upstairs @ 3 sheets on w. 3rd.

    #10, 13, 18 though.. spot on.

  • James

    Number 10 – ughhh, anyone else work full time every summer and sometimes part time
    during school? I mean I made out with boys and felt feelings during the summer too (I get the intention) but I didn’t have “all summer off” cause I had to
    Make enough money to pay rent the next year…

    • Tiff

      Full time every summer, all summer and several part time jobs during each and every semester. Ooops almost forgot all the unpaid internships and work experience gigs as well. EFF EMM ELL.

  • James

    that was supposed to say “uhhh” not ughhh

  • Christine

    I still have quite a few friends who throw theme parties (awesome) and those theme parties, and/or regular parties, if during the day ESPECIALLY will also have beer pong along with any other appropriate long-winded-minimal-skill day drinking game. But all in all…pretty dead on.

  • ME


  • Olivia

    Agree with all except themed parties – I’m still all about that, although now they include themed cocktails instead of kegs.

  • Ann

    #7 just changes to a crush in the work place that makes you motivated to look good during your trip to the kitchen…

  • Emily

    I’m pretty sure I actually read a scholarly essay on heteronormative behavior in the show Friends for my “Sexual Identity and Communication” class last semester.

  • http://gravatar.com/hushavi hushavi

    did you go to vassar?

  • chloe

    im in college now ahhh how do i treasure this!? DONT WANT IT TO END IT WILL ALL GO TOO QUICKLY

  • http://gravatar.com/nishantjn nishantjn

    Have you started making stuff up? I distinctly remember you writing an article against drug use and how you only tried weed once and never did it again.

  • Jae

    I thought I’d never have to watch beer pong again, but it popped up a few months ago with a late-20’s, early-30’s crowd and I was like, “…Really?”

  • http://pocketdoppler.com/2012/06/14/daybreak-doppler-brewers-bullpen-implodes-again/ Daybreak Doppler: Brewers’ Bullpen Implodes, Again | PocketDoppler.com

    […] This was written by a woman, so obviously some won’t apply but for the most part a lot of them apply, 20 Things I Did In College That I Will Never Do Again. […]

  • guest


  • Guest

    Re: #6: I’m in my early 30s and know a ton of professionals, grad students, PhD students, etc who smoke a ton of weed and still manage to be very successful. I feel like smoking weed (not harder drugs) is increasingly becoming something that is not just relegated to a ‘college fad,’ but maybe this just happens to be the region I live in and/or particular social circle.

  • Kev

    this is brilliant! love #3!

  • _db

    I relate to all of these, and damn, I wish I could have had the topic in #19. I wrote a similar paper about Glee though. yay for LGBTQ minors!

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