What Your Favorite Bravo TV Show Says About You

1. Bethenny Ever After

You wake up everyday in your studio apartment and play “Suddenly I See” by KT Turnstall on your bejeweled iPad. Before you leave for work at your PR firm, you make sure to DVR the new episode of Bethenny Ever After and grab your autographed copy of A Place Of A Yes to put in your bag. You’ve read it four times already but you decided that you need an extra pick-me-up this week. At Starbucks, you yell at your barista for using low fat instead of skim milk and wonder if everyone is trying to sabotage your diet. During lunch, a co-worker tells you that they’re going on a vacation with their boyfriend to Bora Bora and it leaves you feeling enraged. Ask them if they were really coming from a place of yes when they agreed to go on the vacation. Your co-worker responds with “What?” and then spends the rest of her lunch eating by the fax machine because she’s scared of you. At night, you run a warm bath but instead of filling it with water, you pour 40 bottles of Skinny Girl margaritas into the tub. You soak in the alcohol, occasionally taking a sip, and end up passing out in bed with a post-it note dangling from your fingertips that has a quote from The Secret scribbled on it.

2. The Real Housewives franchise

You’re a homosexual and obsessed with Real Housewives. You live for a Sonja Morgan or Kim Richards moment and try to live your life according to their strict moral code. At bars, you and your friends will get into fake fights and channel Camille Grammer, screaming “You’ve got to start being honest because that’s not cool!” You find yourself having trouble conversing with people who don’t watch the show which freaks you out but also makes you feel strangely proud. To be a fan of Real Housewives is like belonging to a cult. But instead of having to wear white robes and drink Kool-Aid, you can wear $25,000 sunglasses and drink pinot grigio.

3. Tabatha Takes Over

You’re a diehard Bravo fan who loves watching lesbians get sh-t done! You aren’t doing much with your life right now, so seeing people who are actually attempting to be successful but still failing miserably brings you perverse joy. “I could open a frozen yogurt shop,” you hiss to yourself on the couch. “but then it would probably crash and burn, and become the subject of a reality show! So I guess you win this round, couch. You win….”

4. Flipping Out

You are one of Jeff Lewis’ lovers who’s locked away in his chic, contemporary modern dungeon. Or you’re my mom.

5. Million Dollar Listing

You’re broke as a joke and watching rich people fight over mansions is your TV equivalent of engaging in hate sex. It hurts you to watch people so privileged, especially when you’re eating ramen and considering acting in foot fetish porn, but you can’t help it! The houses are so massive and pretty…

6. Millionaire Matchmaker

You’re unlucky in love and can’t resist watching fellow singles who are crazier than you fall flat on their faces. You know you’re not perfect but at least you would never show someone a video of you posing in your bra and underwear on a first date… or ever.

6. Pregnant In Heels

You are no one. You don’t exist. TC mark

image – Bravo

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

    What The Fact That You Have A Favorite Bravo TV Show Says About You:

    Nothing good.

  • Guest

    “At bars, you and your friends will get into fake fights and channel
    Camille Grammer, screaming “You’ve got to start being honest because
    that’s not cool!” is too true….love it.  But I wish you elaborated on Jeff Lewis, you must not be a fan.

  • SP

    Top Chef is the only acceptable Bravo show in my book.

  • Alec

    Top Chef? The only Bravo TV show worth watching.

  • YK

    I agree that Top Chef should have been included. But the real problem is that I have too many favorites.

  • http://twitter.com/laurajaynemart laura jayne martin

    My favorite’s a tie between Hey Paula/Work Out/My life on the D list/Inside the Actors Studio. It means I’m a lesbian, TV addict or a lesbian TV addict.  I’ve accepted that.

    • AK

      YESSSS- D List 4evr

  • Anonymous

    I watch Jeff Lewis design to see his cute boyfriend Gage.  Even though Gage seems like a lame person in real life, he’s just so cute!  Also, everyone knows that Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Real Housewives of New York are the only respectable RH franchise to watch.

  • http://pleasewelcomeyourjudges.com/ Brian @ PWYJudges

    Thank you for not including ‘Top Design’ Season 1 on the list. I’m not ready to hear what that says about me.

  • cheeseplatter

    Work of Art:

    You’re a pseudo-“hipster” pretentious douchebag.

    (i.e. myself)

  • Andy Cohen's Biggest Fan

    what if you love ALL OF THEM?!

  • Oliver Miller

    Millionaire Matchmaker all the way.

  • http://www.twitter.com/mexifrida Frida

    I love Bravo and TLC ( Say Yes to The Dress) and I am okay with it.
    But yeah, Millionaire Matchmaker and RH.. and probably Bethenny Ever After if it was On Demand.
    I had to stop watching Million Dollar Listing for my own good.

  • Mdge22

    My two cents…

    Love Bethenny because we had the same childhood. 

    There needs to be a separate article breaking down the various housewife shows and their implications.  What does it mean if I watch OC and NY, but not the others? 

    I’m so glad Tabitha has expanded beyond hair salons.  Her wisdom applies to life, not just business.  I like Matchmaker because Patti is so entertaining, telling it like it is, and having the occasional meltdown. 

    I guess my theme is powerful, outspoken, foul-mouthed women.

    I burned out on all the cooking shows a couple of years ago, and real estate/decorating shows just don’t hold my interest.

    But my favorite is WWHL.

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  • Cfbert

    There are so many other better choices than are being offered here here, I can’t votr fr any. What about, Top Chef, Kitchen Nightmare, Chopped..whoever made the above choices made a horrible selection!

  • http://twitter.com/KC_writes Kimberly

    Ooh, you’re on the Bravo FB page! 
    I only like NJ and BH housewives.
    That’s all. 

  • https://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/i-am-tired-of-competing-with-other-women/ I Am Tired Of Competing With Other Women | Thought Catalog

    […] me the way a woman doing the same thing might. I feel a wave of guilt after watching a show like The Real Housewives or Gallery Girls because so much of their interest is in finding a woman to hate, in putting their […]

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/09/i-am-tired-of-competing-with-other-women-2/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] me the way a woman doing the same thing might. I feel a wave of guilt after watching a show like The Real Housewives or Gallery Girls because so much of their interest is in finding a woman to hate, in putting their […]

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