5 Pieces Of Dating Advice You Should Never Take

1. “You should wait a few hours to text him back…”

When you have a crush on someone, most of the major action happens via text message. You agonize every word and punctuation choice, thinking that the wrong decision can ultimately make or break your chances for a relationship, but you know what? It’s total BS. Stop consulting your friends about it because whenever you receive a text from The One, they’re going to give you bad advice like, “Wait a few hours to text him back. You don’t want to appear desperate.” But then you know what happens if you sit on a text and take four hours to respond? Your crush, in turn, picks up on your little game and waits even longer to respond to your text. It becomes a vicious cycle and before you know it, it’s been two days and you’ve accomplished nothing besides “Hey. What’s up?” Just text them back when you receive the text, for the love of God. You won’t seem desperate! And even if you do, who cares? This person is obviously not the one for you if they can’t handle a punctual text. COULD YOU REALLY HAVE A BABY WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN’T DEAL WITH SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS AN ON-TIME TEXT?

2. “Put yourself out there more!”

Do not tell someone to put themselves out there more because chances are they’re already out and it’s just that no one’s biting. The only person it’s acceptable to say this to is your friend who unknowingly has a permanent frown on their face and is scaring away a lot of potential partners on accident. In all of other cases though, you should avoid this advice like the plague. It’s condescending, rude and I’m #NotClearOn what it actually means. Like “put yourself out there more” where? On someone’s dick? At a funeral? No.

3. “Look them up on Facebook!”

Do not lurk someone’s Facebok before you agree to go out with them. You run the high risk of being turned off by what you find, which isn’t a fair judgment! Some people are just bad at the Internet, okay? It reveals nothing about their true character. In my experience, it’s the people who don’t give a f–k about their Internet presence that are actually the coolest IRL. Because truly awesome people are too busy being amazing to put up a good default pic on Facebook. (I realize that, by using this logic, I would be very lame IRL but I swear I’m not!) So just stay offline and stay in love!

4.”Remember, if they do *insert supposedly terrible thing here*, it’s a dealbreaker!”

When you’re deciding whether or not you should date someone, you’re allowed to have a few non-negotiables. Mine are the following: must not be a murderer of puppies and small children, enjoy making me feel bad about myself, or like the TV show, Everybody Loves Raymond. Everything else, I’m kind of like, “whatevs.” But not everyone else is so open-minded. I feel like whenever I’m out with friends and someone’s discussing a potential love interest, they’ll say something like “He was really, sweet, amazing and funny, BUT OMG, he wore open-toed sandals!” And someone will scream “DEALBREAKER!” and everyone will laugh, acknowledging that there is no way this relationship could ever happen because of his footwear choice, and then the subject will be abandoned. While I agree that open-toed sandals don’t make me jizz all over myself, I don’t really see a problem with them. Think of it this way: would you rather have potentially mind-blowing sex with someone who has a crappy taste in shoes, or would you rather be alone… forever? If we keep on creating these arbitrary dealbreakers, we’re going to miss out on a lot of sex, experiences, and potential love. Stop listening to your judgmental friends. They’re probably just pissed that their vibrator ran out of batteries last night.

5. “Wait for them to make the first move!”

I have female friends, who are otherwise liberal feminist thinkers, that still subscribe to the idea that a man should always make the first move. When I ask them why the relationship hasn’t progressed, they’ll offer up the excuse of “I’m sorry but I’m a girl and he should be the one who takes the initiative!” Excuse me but Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan did not work their asses off just so you could sit by the phone. It doesn’t matter if you have a P or V, anyone can text and/ or make out. Don’t take that crappy antiquated advice. We’re not getting any younger! (FIRST) MOVE IT! TC mark

image – Joi

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

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  • http://luzeng.wordpress.com/ fs

    first move! (but really, I do first move a lot and it works fabulously)

  • Anonymous

    There’s a “Facebok” in there, instead of Facebook. ;)

  • Anonymous

    “Like “put yourself out there more” where? On someone’s dick? At a funeral? No.”   

    Ryan, you are fantastic.

  • Anon girl

    Haha this made me laugh! Ryan, you are amazing!

  • Oliver Miller

    Yeah, it took me until I was thirty to realize that:  “Hey, if the person thinks I’m uncool if I call before, say, three days have passed, I probably won’t like this person/won’t want to marry them ANYWAY.”

  • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

    so so so right on #5. but I think #2 has a place.  

    • http://summerslowrunner.wordpress.com/ Summer

       #2 has a place in that if someone is constantly sitting at home by themselves, complaining about how they’re bored/lonely/whatever, then yes, someone telling them to put themselves out there more would make sense.

      But if someone is actively socializing and open to the possibilities of meeting new people, etc, then it’s a redundant statement.

  • Urodriguez527

    Ryan this was an amazing piece and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. As a person who tends to over text or analyze texts like if it was my major, I agree with you with that point. People display affection through text and if the other person cannot deal with punctual texts, booo them.

  • Supersuper

    but shouldn’t the guy WANT to make the first move?

    • http://summerslowrunner.wordpress.com/ Summer

       The point is that everyone should want to make the first move. If everyone waited on the other person to make a move/call/touch/etc, none of us would ever have dates or drunken makeouts or sex or anything at all, because we’d all be too busy waiting on someone else.

      • Supersuper

        but the point is, a lot of girls would like to make the first move, but figure that if the guy hasn’t done it already he’s probably not interested. don’t most guys just do what they want, if they suspect a girl is interested?

      • http://twitter.com/alainalatona alainalatona

        No. People are people. Men are not some magical force of humanity that have all the confidence in the world to talk to someone they’re interested in. I find it incredibly unfair for women to think they deserve a man to make the first move. Get off your ass and do it if you want it.

      • http://summerslowrunner.wordpress.com/ Summer

         Completely agreed. There are plenty of shy, insecure men out there who have a fear of rejection, just like there are plenty of confident women who have no problems walking up to a guy and saying hello.

        Should not be rocket science on either end. If you like someone, go talk to them. Simple concept.

    • Dang

       Shouldn’t the girl?

      • Sara H

        Not if society ridicules her for being a “slut” for doing so. Guys, on the hand, don’t get such ridicule, so it makes sense that they should have less disincentive.

  • http://nwairah.tumblr.com/ Nwairah

    Yeah, never followed the fifth advice; too impatient ;)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001079660479 Bilqis Ibrahim

    I love it. I agree with all of it. It’s 6am on a Saturday so the house is still asleep, here I am reading this and when I hit “They’re probably just pissed that their vibrator ran out of batteries last night.” I couldn’t help but laugh loudly. Ha great read. Especially agree with the last point. 

  • http://summerslowrunner.wordpress.com/ Summer

     I’m all about making the first move and I don’t like relationship games. If I’m interested in a guy, he’ll know it. If someone texts me and I have my phone in my hand, I will text back immediately. I don’t care.

    I will admit to occasionally over-analyzing the meaning of things, but if the fact that I’m “too available” to someone makes me unattractive…LOL. I’ll find someone who wants my time so byeeeee.

  • http://twitter.com/alainalatona alainalatona

    This is phenomenal. I agree with all of it. 

    When one of my girlfriends pull a #5 it makes me cringe. “He’s not texting ME first, so CLEARLY he doesn’t want to talk to me.” – What? Haha.

  • cyan

    sad but true case for #2! *weeps*

  • RR

    Yet another classic, Ryan!

  • Ford Tennis

    This is great.  It’s refreshing to see other people on here not accepting the typical predator/prey courting method between men and women, too. 

  • Brandon h

    Preach, Sista, Preach!

  • http://www.facebook.com/brendan.s.walters Brendan Walters

    5. “Wait for them to make the first move!”
    Don’t take that crappy antiquated advice. We’re not getting any younger! (FIRST) MOVE IT! 

    It is so, so nice to see this coming from a female.  From a guys perspective, we don’t care if we started the conversation, or you started the conversation – we just care about the content of the conversation.

    It is 2012 and although it can be fun, it is time to drop the cat and mouse.  If you see something you want, go get it.

    • http://www.facebook.com/brendan.s.walters Brendan Walters

      I retract the ‘coming from a female’ bit after realizing that you, the author, are in fact, a guy.

      But hey, agreed.

      • Sarah Fusaro

        Sarah says: “Wait for them to make the first move! Don’t take that crappy antiquated advice. We’re not getting any younger! (FIRST) MOVE IT!” There. Now it came from a female. :) (That’s how I got the love of my life. I didn’t care. I came. I saw. I conquered.) 

  • Anonymous

    #1… omg. I can’t stand when someone takes forever to text me back. I get it, sometimes you have a real life and you’re not by your phone but if it constantly takes 3 hours to get a text back… now that’s a real dealbreaker. 

  • franneh

    This is fantastic. You did it again, Ryan :)

  • Lindsay

    Excuse me but Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan did not work their asses off just so you could sit by the phone. — best advice i’ve gotten all day

  • Anonymous

    I ignored every single one of these rules the last time I was single and ended up in an amazing relationship with a guy I never would have gone after if I was following these rules. Two years later, we’re living together. So yes, please ignore all of these ridiculous rules!!

    [great piece, Ry!]

  • Annie

    While I agree with most of the stuff here, the sad truth is that sometimes some of these pieces of advice actually apply. My last ex stopped texting me when I started responding within 15 minutes of receiving a text from him (he even told me that it scared him how quickly I texted him back, and this was six months into our relationship), and it was only when I started waiting hours that he started responding again. And my guys have said many times that they prefer the chase, and when a girl shows too much interest they back off. Also, putting yourself out there really does make a difference for a lot of people (it did for me).

    And yes, the guys to which I’m referring are probably immature brats and not a representative sample, but they still represent a portion of the dateable male population.

    • http://twitter.com/alainalatona alainalatona

      Personally, I’m looking for a man, not an “immature brat.”

      • Annie

        Maybe you are, but I’m sure there’s a sizeable portion of TC readers who are still at the age where guys are too emotionally stunted to be mature about dating…

      • http://twitter.com/alainalatona alainalatona

        What age range is that? I’m barely into my 20’s…

      • Sara H

         High school. All those hormones and peer pressure, you know… Don’t think it’s possible for them to be very mature.

      • http://twitter.com/alainalatona alainalatona

        I’d like to think this article is probably not targeted at high school-aged people. The references and language suggest otherwise. Either way, I don’t think games are conducive to a healthy relationship at any age.

      • wow

        You literally just said that you play games to get men.

      • Hannah Kayser

        You literally need to pick up a dictionary and learn what the word “literally” means.

      • Sara H

         LOL, I’d like to see a “healthy” high school relationship. That’d be a new one.

    • Carli

      “My last ex…”
      HOLD UP! Ummm….did you not just say that these people are your EXES, (or that at least the one you discussed the most in your comment is your EX)?  
      So clearly, it didn’t work out. Clearly this person was not The One for you, because, as Ryan said, “This person is obviously not the one for you if they can’t handle a punctual text. COULD YOU REALLY HAVE A BABY WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN’T DEAL WITH SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS AN ON-TIME TEXT?”

  • Sara H

    “Think of it this way: would you rather have potentially mind-blowing sex
    with someone who has a crappy taste in shoes, or would you rather be
    alone… forever?”

    Wow, are those really the only two options? Because I thought NOT settling for someone you’re not interested in and instead spending your life with someone with whom you have things in common was also an option. No? Huh.

    • wow

      another one…

      ->the point
      .
      .
      .
      .
      ->your head

      also
      calm down

      • Sara H

         I could say the same to you about me comment. XDDD

    • Suz

      I’d never have sex with someone who has crappy taste in shoes. I’d rather be alone with my fabulous, well-shod self any day of the week, thanks all the same.

  • Jordan

    This is all good.  Bottom line: quit it with the games!

    Though, I see a new hashtag has made it’s way into the next 50 Ryan articles…darn.

    • Guest

      I miss #dark.

  • guest

    I like how your Non-negotiables include “must not be a murderer of small puppies and children”, because being a muderer of full grown dogs and maybe old people is acceptable.

    • wow

      the point

      your head

      • Forest Fledgel

        The joke

        Your head

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