How To Get Rejected By Your Crush

Be at a place in your life where you’re desperate for companionship. Your mind is starting to play tricks on you. You’re getting crushes on the person who works at your corner deli, your friends’ significant others, a beautiful elm tree. You’re so starving for love that you allow yourself to fall before there’s anyone even there to catch you.

Meet someone through a friend or at a bar or online and really, really like them. You know you can’t really trust yourself these days (Is this person really great or are you just eager to get into a relationship?) but dive head first anyway. Make jokes and bring your boyfriend or girlfriend game. Behave like an eligible person who deserves to be in a relationship. At a certain age, it’s assumed that if you’re still single it’s because you’re defective. You’re not though. You’ve just been unfairly passed over. So joke, joke, joke. Touch, touch, touch. Follow the script. You think you’re getting somewhere here.

Have the other person be hard to read. They do things like pick an eyelash out of your eye or pour you a glass of water without asking that makes you think that they’re super into you. Who picks an eyelash out of someone’s eye unless they want to marry them?! Right, guys?! You hold on to these flirty actions like they’re Jesus Christ. You subsist on them like a starving child who’s having their first meal in months. They fuel your delusions. They keep you happy.

Think about your crush constantly. Try to ignore the fact that you’ve only hung out like twice and you barely know them. That doesn’t matter. You’re thinking about what COULD be. You COULD be this person’s boyfriend. You COULD make them fall in love with you. It’s like they’re a blank sketch of a human being and you’re filling in the lines.

Analyze every little thing they do to you. Feel distant when they don’t talk to you for ten minutes when you all go out to get drinks with friends. Decide that this means they hate you and will never want to see you naked. Start to feel discouraged and wonder that they might not be into you after all. (Note: This whole crushing process has only been 7 days long.)

Realize that the only way you can return to normal is if you just ask them flat out, “DO YOU LIKE ME?” Do so over text message one day in the middle of the afternoon and feel like you’re going to throw up. Feel pathetic that someone you barely know can have this effect on you. Wait a few hours to hear back and wish you could just take an Ambien at 6pm and wake up in the morning to their text message.

Hear back from them right before bed. They’re not into it. No need to even go into the wording of it. The message is always the same: “I don’t want your penis in my vagina.” Feel a wave of sadness come over you and immediately be embarrassed about it. You don’t know what’s more shameful: Being rejected by a near stranger or being devastated by that rejection. Vow to toughen up. Vow to stop trying so hard. If you stop caring, you won’t be disappointed. But, wait, isn’t that impossible? Does anyone ever truly not care about finding love and sex? They say love happens when you’re not looking for it but that’s a silly joke. We’re always looking. It’s human nature to want to be found. It’s human nature to also get crushed by your crushes, no matter how pointless they seem. It’s always important to remember this though: Crushes are usually almost always about you. They form in your head, you water the crush plants, and then they wither and die in your head. It’s rarely ever about who the other person truly is. How can you truly care so much about someone when you never had them? TC mark

image – Steve Snodgrass

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • http://twitter.com/emilcDC Emil Caillaux

    YES.

  • Anonymous

    I stopped taking this seriously after “beautiful elm tree”…

  • Jasmine Shewakramani

    Ouch. 

  • Fieldzz

    sad but true. 

  • guest

    I admit I was gonna laugh at some points while reading this, then I realised – damn, most of it is kind of true.

  • Anonymous

    “They say love happens when you’re not looking for it but that’s a silly joke. We’re always looking.”
    So true and I hate that people who are in a relationship always give that advice.

  • dd89

    Very true.

  • Anonymous

    So true.  Really enjoying your articles Ryan

  • opkil

    Dammit, Ry O’Connell. Why do your posts ring so damn true?! :/

  • Ana Gupta

    I love you, Ryan!

  • http://twitter.com/faktorii Mike T.

    fuck man. I’ve just been through two cycles of this debacle- until my brain coughed up this really bad analogy equating crushes to stock prices; the more you speculate, the higher/heavier you crash.

    nowadays I’m back to being married with my right hand. Bitch please.

  • Guest

    Ew ew ew ew ew ew please get out of my head.

  • http://twitter.com/dangergirlOOO Jerri

    OMG Ryan get out of my head, I laughed so hard I spit out the shot of southern comfort I just took to numb the pain.  You’ve been researching me for this article and I want royalties!

  • Lyndiedally

    AMEN!

  • http://www.twistedstraps.blogspot.com/ swt

    Ryan O’ Connel, you do this everytime. You write exactly what I am going through. I am surprised it still astonishes me. At times I hate you, because everything you say is so true. But then I love you, because your writing is so honest, so true, it makes everything feel so real. I think I have a crush on you. :) Keep writing, it makes some people happy. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/lauramatsue Laura Matsue

    SO GOOD

  • Rar

    so trueeeee

  • Danielle

    you just described my entire life.

  • Sad Anon

    And the problem is: how to get out of the loop. It’s not easy. It is not. Still looking for the way out.

    • kgb

      Exactly.  I try to do this, then I’m pulled back in again only to fall all over again when he texts/kisses me.  But I’m being held at arms length and I know it’s wrong, but it’s the only thing available right now and I just can’t stop.  I’ve liked this guy for 9 years.

      • Me!!!

        Wait, he kisses you?  But holds you at arm’s length?  Cut the cord, hon.  Cut him out of your life and make space for someone else to get in there.

  • Aria

    “I don’t want your penis in my vagina.”
    This is my new rejection line.
    You know, once I find somebody to reject.

    • Tennisaurus

      That was one of the cleverest comments i’ve read this week.

  • Kelly

    Straight up just described my life this past weekend. Except I’d just like to add…

    “Do so over text message one day in the middle of the afternoon (on St. Partick’s Day after you’ve had 7 beers, two shots, and a questionable stream of green liquid that was shot into your mouth from a super soaker) and feel like you’re going to throw up.”

  • Guest

    You have been stalking my brain again…

  • Pablo

    “They form in your head, you water the crush plants, and then they wither and die in your head. It’s rarely ever about who the other person truly is. How can you truly care so much about someone when you never had them?” Truer words were never written. It’s nice reading this article when I’m in this exact emotional state over a girl who I hardly know, constantly trying to rationalize her words and actions into the most seemingly affectionate thing only to be disappointed when “she’s just not that into [me].” 

  • Charlotte

    “It’s like they’re a blank sketch of a human being and you’re filling in the lines.”
    Blerg, YES. 

  • Heather Inc

    This is my life right now/always. 

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