Getting You To Love Me More

I could have slept with fewer people before I met you. I could’ve been an untouched virgin — the Madonna, not the Whore — which would’ve made me more special. You look at me and you see a present that’s already been unwrapped. You accuse me of cheating on you all the time, of going behind your back, and it’s all because of my past. It has nothing to do with the present. Why, in bad relationships, do we always end up focusing more on the past than the present? Why is it relevant? Maybe I should stop asking so many questions. I should just shut up and pray that you love me more in the morning.

I could stop having so many friends. I could abandon every facet of my life that doesn’t involve you. I could say good-bye to the people who take me away from our time together. You’re right. I’m so selfish. I put everyone else’s needs before yours. If I ditched my social life, I could have all the time in the world to dedicate to this relationship. You’ll love me more when you’re with me all the time. I’m sure of it. It will solve all of our problems when there’s no else all around.

I could start wearing more conservative clothes and lose some weight. These ten pounds I’ve gained while dating you are what’s coming between us. It’s totally fair. It was like false advertising. You got into a relationship with someone who’s thin and now I’m not so thin. How rude of me! You’re still fit and tan and sexy. I mean, I would love you still even if you weren’t, but I understand why you wouldn’t feel the same way. I’ll lose the weight and you’ll love me more. That’s final.

I could have a different personality. You’d like that, huh? Right now my personality is kind of “meh” so I’ll start changing it. Sometimes when we’re fighting I really start to wonder if you hate me. Like you actually despise who I am. And that no matter what I do to fix myself more to your liking, there will always be a flaw. You will always nitpick me and I’ll never be good enough. Can you confirm whether or not this is true? Can you tell me if you just don’t like me? Sometimes I think this is more about you than it is about me. Sometimes I think that you’re just a miserable jerk who will find flaws in every person he dates. Strip away every insult and all of that stern posturing and you’re just an insecure dick who’s terrified of life. Sometimes I really do believe this and think that all of my self-improvement is pointless. But then I push it out of my brain because I’m determined to make you love me more. I won’t fail at this. You’ll be mine. And I’ll be yours. Forever and ever.

I’m going to change myself for you. That’s normal, right? To date someone you don’t like and want to alter completely? I’m a fixer-upper. I get it. One day I’m going to be the person you wanted from the beginning. You saw that potential in me and that’s why you started dating me. Makes sense. Thanks for seeing the potential in me. I won’t let you down. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

image – coolcal2111

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

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