5 Great Names For An Indie Rock Band

1. Gluten Allergy

Gluten Allergy wasn’t always allergic to gluten. “Oh god, I used to eat so much pasta and drink a lot of beer,” The lead singer, Savannah, confessed to me over a plate of air. “But I would usually either poop my pants after or vomit, so I went to the doctor and he diagnosed me with celiac disease.” Adjusting to life without food, Savannah had a lot of time on her hands which eventually led to her forming Gluten Allergy. Besides being inspired by her battle with celiac disease, their music is clearly sparked by Savannah’s obsession with serial killers, astrology, and the ocean floor. Their EP, No Wheat In This Land, will be released in April on No Summer Bummer Records.

2. The Bisexuals

The Bisexuals are a group of attractive young men who met during their undergrad at Sarah Lawrence College. Luca, the lead singer, even does the occasional modeling gig for Uniqlo and is also the son of the famous painter, Julius Shmarten. They all live in Bushwick where they craft their infectious pop songs about love lost and making out in wheelbarrows.

3. Summer Forever

Summer Forever is a band based out of Ann Arbor, Michigan. Their first LP, I Miss Summer So Much Seriously, was inspired by a particularly brutal Michigan winter. Their lead singer, Skye, would just hole up in her bedroom and daydream about palm trees and parasailing while writing haikus in her notebook. A short time later, her and a few friends made a Myspace music page and had a photoshoot before they had even recorded a single song. No matter though! An A & R exec was so impressed by their Polaroids that he signed them immediately.  “I just like to be warm,” Skye told me over bites of a watermelon salad. “Because my heart is usually cold.”

4. Dykes On Bikes

“I was living in Olympia at the time working at an organic co-op,” Dykes on Bikes lead guitarist Zoe told me while we went thrifting. “And I met Moonshadow. She came in to buy poppy seeds so she could make opium tea and I just was like struck by her creative energy. So we went back to my apartment and had sex for 36 hours. Occasionally we would take a break to drink some opium tea and record songs on GarageBand, not thinking anything of it. Before we knew it, we were being flown out to SXSW and doing a photo shoot next to a giant vagina for Bust!” They describe their music as “Two lesbians having lots of feelings with a hint of Slayer thrown in for good measure.”

5. Triplet Drama

Triplet Drama was born from a case of mistaken identity. “Our mother was a crack whore who gave birth to all three of us in some dingy hospital in Kentucky,” Tony told me. “The doctor made a mistake and we all got switched around. I was the only one who actually ended up going home with our mom! The others landed in the hands of strangers. Mom was so disoriented that she didn’t question it when she was only given one baby to take home instead of three.” The triplets, who were named Tony, Toni, Tone after their mother’s favorite R & B group, all reunited as teenagers where they met in a high school cafeteria. “It was so weird!” Toni exclaims. “Here were two people who looked exactly like me!” Remarkably, it took the triplets a few weeks to realize they were actually related. (“I mean, we looked alike, but I dunno. I was really stoned in high school…”) Shortly after realizing they were indeed triplets, the trio started working on a batch of alt-country tunes which caught the immediate attention of Pitchfork. “Our songs are mostly about being separated at birth and feeling alone as a triplet. I think that’s why our music has resonated with people so much. We just make songs that are very relatable.” TC mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • Melissaa

    hahahaha 

  • Stephanie

    LOL love the shout out to Ann Arbor! This is wonderful.

  • Nishant

    Triplet Drama is so funny! Hahaha!

  • Candacemat

    stop writing about gluten allergies, you’re being a lazy/repetitive writer. lammme

    • Guest

      You’re lame for not finding humour in anything

  • Gary

    Thank you for these useless thoughts yet again Ryan.

    • Guest

      He could deal without your useless comments, honey

  • Yea?

    what y’all think about ‘Bernard’s Cheese’?

  • guest

    the picture oh lawd

  • Guest

    6. The Ryan O’Connell’s: A band based out of somewhere other than NYC who moved to the fair isle of Manhatten to brunch and shop and live out obnoxiousness to its fullest hilt until either an evaporating trust fund or the grasping of what it means to be adult calls them to migrate back to whichever of the other 49 states they initially originated from.  Notable for their uncanny ability to be a walking, talking stereotype and renowned for their self obsession, The Ryan O’Connell’s have maintained a philosophy of quantity over quality while exhibiting the emotional depth of a Full House rerun.

    • Benjy

      Mean.

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