Things I Care About More Than The Super Bowl

I care more about the weird dream you had last night than I do about the Super Bowl. No, seriously. Tell me about your weird dream. I’m dying to know! So you were being chased by an octopus at a carnival and I was there with your ex-boyfriend? Riveting stuff. I don’t know what it all means. Maybe it was a sign for you to get back together with your ex. I mean, he was there, so that’s saying a lot. God, I love it when you tell me about your weird dreams though. Never stop. They’re just so interesting and unlike any other weird dream I’ve ever heard about or experienced for myself. I would rather listen to an audio tape of all your dream descriptions than hear about or watch the Super Bowl.

I care more about the well-being of an acquaintance’s mother than I do about the Super Bowl. Which reminds me, how IS your mom? I haven’t seen her since high school graduation, which was about eight years ago, but I saw you write on your Facebook about how she developed a bad case of shingles. That’s terrible! Did they go away? I just want you to know that I was praying for her recovery. I got all of my friends to pray for her as well. How about this? Why don’t we just skip the Super Bowl and talk about your mom and her shingles? I would love nothing more than just to do that right now. Let’s have a shingles moment.

I care more about how your weekend went than I do about the Super Bowl. TELL ME EVERYTHING, GIRLFRIEND! So Saturday you ran errands all day and the lady at the post office was being a total bitch to you? Ugh, such salacious gossip! Tell me more. I simply can’t get enough. Saturday night you went to a party with Shauna, Evan, and Stephanie, and played board games? And Shauna was acting like a diva? Wow. You know I have no idea who Shauna is, right? I’ve never heard you mention this person’s name before but I LOVE how you’re pretending that I know who she is. Please provide me with no context. I’m obsessed. Actually, can we just sit here and talk about your weekend that was spent with people I don’t know? The Super Bowl is on and I don’t think I can deal with it.

I care more about the movie you’re telling me about that I’ve never seen before than I do about the Super Bowl. Oh, and this book that I HAVE TO READ. Okay, wow, yeah, that’s awesome. I’ll pick it up right now. While you’re at it, can you continue talking to me about all the things in pop culture I’m not familiar with? I can’t go on the Internet right now because the only thing people are talking about is Madonna’s vagina.

Let’s talk about how you think you’re ugly. No, wait, tell me about how you feel fat right now. It’s seriously music to my ears! My fave conversation topics! Or, better yet, let’s just discuss your weird dream last night that involved your mom, The Secret, your friend Samantha whom I’ve never met, and a crazy three-day weekend? The Super Bowl is really long and I have time to kill. TC mark

image – nightthree

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.


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  • Jamie ❤ 。◕

    lol wow 

  • Cynthia Cortina

    Thanks for posting. I feel exactly the same about the Super Bowl. 

  • Guestropod

    yes yes yes

  • Oliver Miller

    But the halftime show was wondrous.  Roman soldiers marching Madonna onto the field on a barge, ba ha, kill me.

  • Bailey

    Oh man… WHY do people talk about their dreams? Unless it is something legitimately funny people should keep them to themselves, or write them down if they simply have to get it out. No one likes hearing about dreams, so stop telling people yours. LOL :D

    • Guestropod

      dream stories are the woooooooorst

    • Anna

      Oh no, this is me.

  • Asdf

    Mine would be: “Everything.”

  • Stevemlepore

    Just because you don’t like something most people like doesn’t make you special, precious, or rebellious. Sometimes it just makes you a dick.

  • Jesus

    Madonna and her lip syncing can suk ma diq.

    • Asdf

      Makes me wonder what a synchronised blowjob would actually look like. Perhaps that’s the dirty little secret of the porn industry. It ain’t real; it’s just lip-synched.

  • guest

    You’re an asshole.

  • João Nuno Álvares

    Something I care more, the UEFA Champions League final.

  • Kristen

    I can’t tell if he is being sarcastic… or he really would rather discuss the worst topics instead of watching the superbowl …?

  • Jenna

    I usually like Thought Catalog because it is uplifting. This article is just mean and not fun.

  • Mike

    If there’s something that’s definitely “super”, the super Bowl ain’t it.

    Good one, Mark.

  • God

    God does not care about the Super Bowl either. Also, Madonna sucks. 

  • macgyver51

    Oh wow, an article about how someone doesn’t like the Super Bowl and and that there are 6724234 things more important. Never seen one of these before…

  • anti-guest

    what is the “super bowl” thing that everyone’s been talking about, anyway? super bowl of what? super bowl of curry,  chocolate or marijuana? because if it’s any of these things, you have my attention ;-)

  • Tony Jiang

    I actually came here just to see all the negative comments Ryan O’Connell, without fail, receives. Take a hint you witless bastard. 

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