Being Single On Valentine's Day Still Sucks

Last Valentine’s Day, I woke up with chills running through my entire body and a fever. At first I thought this was just my body playing a prank on me. Am I allergic to Valentine’s Day? Am I allergic to a day that celebrates monogamy and serious relationships? I mean, maybe I was, because after five years of avoiding any real sickness, I came down with a three-day flu on Valentine’s Day that rendered me immobile.

What transpired next seemed straight out of a Sex and the City episode. Remember when Samantha gets super sick and is like “JK, I’m done sleeping around. I just need a boyfriend who can bring me soup and deal with my diarrhea”? She realizes that she has no one to really rely on which, let’s be honest, is a big contributing factor into why we seek out a partner to begin with. When our parents die and our friends start their own families, we need to have someone who can take us to doctor’s appointments and not care if we start pooping our pants.

Being bedridden in my studio apartment on a day that promotes togetherness and security felt like a big “Screw you!” from the universe. Prior to my getting the flu, I didn’t pay any real attention to Valentine’s Day. I was planning on going to work and meeting up with friends after to maybe have a “GAY” moment at my favorite bar, Metropolitan. But since I didn’t have enough energy to lift my arm, let alone potentially stick my tongue in some stranger’s mouth, I had to deal with me, myself and I on Valentine’s Day.

It’s embarrassing to be affected by this holiday. It’s embarrassing to even be writing this blog post and giving it more attention. Throughout the years, celebrating Valentine’s Day has become so lame in the eyes of the masses that even couples don’t celebrate it. It’s a joke, a symbol of consumerism rather than real love. Intellectually, you know all of this but you still can’t help but feel a little bit of a void if you’re single. It’s easy to laugh it off when you have someone to laugh it off with.

This year, I hopefully won’t be getting the flu and I’ll be able to do things like hang out with friends and kiss someone if I want to. I’m approaching Valentine’s Day with only 30% dread and anxiety but I resent that it’s even making me a little bummed out. Nothing annoys me more than the cliche single person eating chocolates and watching rom-coms with their other single friend while guzzling wine. It’s not a cute look for anyone, especially when you’re 25 and your life is no longer an episode of Sweet Valley High. When I was 16, my best friend and I did the whole “Let’s eat chocolate and watch John Hughes movies” thing and it was fine because we were, um, virgins and I was still pretending to have crushes on vagina. (Actually it wasn’t fine because I ended up eating so much chocolate that I vomited during the credits of Sixteen Candles.) But now things are different. I’m not in college anymore and people are shacking up in serious ways. All of a sudden, you look around and everyone is in serious relationships. Being single is a little bit more pronounced. You’re the other.

Anyway, I don’t really know what my point was. I started out this point being like, “This is not going to be a sad Valentine’s Day. You are an adult and, therefore, invincible to Hallmark holidays!” But, oops, I failed. Valentine’s Day bums me out. There. I said it. Bye. TC mark

image – moonlightbulb

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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More From Thought Catalog

  • Khan

    “It’s a joke, a symbol of consumerism rather than real love. ” WORD

  • _db

    “Intellectually, you know all of this but you still can’t help but feel a
    little bit of a void if you’re single. It’s easy to laugh it off when
    you have someone to laugh it off with.”

    thanks for, as usual, adequately describing exactly how I feel.

  • Bridget

    #dark, but in a good way. 

  • foolish113

    I have class with my ex on valentines day. she just started seeing somebody else and I am still in love with her. bleh:/

  • Grrl

    I was hooking up with my TA for a while. Then he told me he doesn’t feel connections to other people / empathy – basically he is a sociopath. I was pretty freaked out. We’re not hooking up anymore. I get to go hang out in a 4 hour class with him on VDay :D!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carlos-Ortiz/1279921705 Carlos Ortiz

    I ‘deal’ with it by thinking that it’s like any other day in which I am alone.

  • Anonymous

    Jesus christ , am I the only person in the world who doesn’t give a shit about being single?

    • Domino

      yes.

      • Anonymous

        You know everyone in the world? Go you!

      • Domino

        yes.

  • sexxy1

    Thank you mid-terms all next week! Don’t have to see couples being cute, don’t have time to watch Bridget Jones’ Diary. WIN.

  • mclyrz

    “It’s a joke, a symbol of consumerism rather than real love”…. I also want to comment on that. Im in a relationship and Valentines day to me is phony. If someone likes/loves you …they will show it all year. Its just another day. 

  • Anna

    earl sweatshirt is home though

    • http://thefirstchurchofmutterhals.blogspot.com/ mutterhals

      Free Earl Sweatshirt!

  • reader

    Your pieces are getting too depressing for me…

  • GIRL

     #dark

  • Agree!

    Thanks for this! I’ve been feeling the exact same way this week, including the embarrassment that I was allowing this holiday to affect me. Last year, when I had a boyfriend, it was fun to do the whole anti-v day thing because there was still someone to celebrate/not celebrate with… This year, thankfully I’ll be on a plane and/or maybe imbibing at the airport TGI Fridays…

  • Hangryhippo

    i have found myself thinking about this too…”When our parents die and our friends start their own families, we need
    to have someone who can take us to doctor’s appointments and not care if
    we start pooping our pants.” I’m technically not totally single right now, but I still feel like this is all that I’m looking for. Someone to take me to doctors appointments and not care if I poop my pants.

  • Vianca Pandit

    Am I the only one who likes Valentine’s Day? I think it’s cute. If you don’t let yourself feel pressured to spend it obsessing about being single, then it’s just this sweet day to celebrate love. And while you’re celebrating love why not celebrate yourself and maybe buy something you want? Hey, any holiday that turns into an excuse to shop is fine in my book.

  • Mickey

    hmmm… let me turn it around. I see a lot of people here saying, “I’m in a relationship, and this holiday is some butt-ugly bull-s***” and some others saying, “I’m single and this holiday is a stabbing reminder of this”

    That’s because you’re thinking of it one-dimensionally. Yeah, we’re single. Yeah, we find ourselves lonely. A lot. WHAT OF IT?

    I have a family I love to death. you know why? because my sister moved out of the house and reminded me that no matter what she’s said or done, I’ll miss the crud out of her when she’s gone. before, I’d actually doubted that I would, but it took her moving to realize it’s true.
    I have a group of friends that are close enough that I call them family also. we’re a band of brothers (and a sister) and nothing can tear us apart. I can honestly say I love them too. 
    I DO love them every day. Today is just a friendly nudge. like Father’s Day, and…. for some people Halloween… (I love Halloween)would it be nice to find some guy? yes.Would it be great to go on dates with him? Sure.would it be absolutely amazing to sleep next to him, rest my head on his chest, and hear him breathe as I wake up in his arms? of COURSE. but Valentine’s Day to me, and to a lot of people, means more than romantic, I-want-you-under-my-bedsheets-now-love. it’s about all the love you can give. be it for a brother, a mother, a friend who you call family, or an un-requited love. it’s about all of that, and I think people are missing that. do I care about Valentine’s Day? yeah.Do I care that I’m single on Valentine’s Day? A little. (I’d be lying if I said no)am I going to let it affect me? no. because there’s so much more I can give. have the world be a little bit better, because one more person actually LOVED on that day, instead of being depressed.if you read this, Ryan… just know that this faceless wall of text loves you, and so does the person behind it.and all of you guys that got to this point… I freekin’ love you too. because you read my whole rant. <3

    • Guest

      they watch too many movies.

  • Annie

    I just found out my ex cheated on me while we were together and he was studying abroad last fall. He broke up with me when he came back in December but tried to hide the fact that he got together with that girl right away until my friend saw them making out at a party last week. I’ve never been in a relationship on Valentine’s Day… I waited for him to come home for seven months, and now he’s going to be waking up to another girl and taking her out for dinner on Valentine’s Day. Meanwhile, I’ll be miserable and single, as usual.

    It sucks that the people who commit wrongs are somehow always the happiest.

  • ariel

    Duuuude, don’t be so sad, that’s what the love of good friends is for. You celebrate friend Valentine’s day, maybe go dancing, and get yo mack on with a hot stranger. Totally looking forward to it! And then when you see your friends that are in pairs get in petty fights and go out to a dull dinner you’ll remember it’s okay to be single when you’ve got friends that love you and you’ll stay single til you find a lover who loves you just as much and you have just as much fun with as your buddies. Optimism. And macking on hot strangers. :D!

  • CK

    yawn

  • http://stepandfall.blogspot.com/ Lu Han

    I woke up with the flu this morning. 

    • guestie

      it’s karma for hating on chelsea fagan….

  • Kaitlin Fitzgerald

  • AB

     Nah. The other year I dressed up as a banana (a friend happened to have a banana outfit) and went out to bars with my friends, who left their boyfriends at home. Then a few of my couple friends came out. THAT was the best valentines day ever. And all without a “real” date.

  • http://www.nicholeexplainsitall.com EarthToNichole

    I am not single, but I plan on working (waiting tables) on V-day in hopes that customers will think I’m working because I am single and give me outrageous pity tips. Might as well cash in on this bullshit “holiday”.

    • Guest

      no 1 cares

  • Guest

    i tis embarrassing that you write about love so much

  • Guest

     are there actually people that can’t stand to be alone? that basically means you hate yourself. sad.

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