Things To Think About Before You Start Hating Someone

Everyone has an Achilles heel. Everyone has that one thing that can cut them off at the knees, that wipes away the smug tweets and the happy Facebook photos that they’ve so carefully cultivated throughout the years. It reduces you to a puddle of vulnerability, a feeling of being completely exposed. The rug is out from under you and you’ve landed on your face. No matter how far you’ve come or how much has changed, this is the one thing that can bring you right back. For most people, they usually come in the form of ex-lovers or family. You can move away from your crappy hometown and make a successful life for yourself somewhere else but the second you run into that one ex or go home for the holidays, you’re back to being the person you’ve tried so hard to wash away.

Everyone has been rejected. Whether it was from a crush, a job, a school, or a friend, everyone has been denied something that they wanted at some point. It’s easy to believe that there are people who live a charmed life. Especially now with the Internet, you have the power to tell your own story, which conveniently can leave out the downer parts. Things are not what they always seem to be. This is something you’ve known for a long time but apparently keep on forgetting. Whenever you start to hate someone because you’re envious, imagine them getting rejected by their crush over and over again. Seriously, have it play on an endless loop until the hate finally washes out of your system, and you’re like “Okay, this person has gone through some stuff too. I should slow my hate roll.”

Everyone poops. How could I ever feel inferior to anyone knowing that someone like Beyonce poops. How humanizing! What a nice little add-on to our species! “Oh, BTW, you guys. Don’t get too ahead of yourselves because I made it so brown stuff has to come out of your butt like every day. LOL!” YES. THANK YOU! It’s seriously what we needed. Everyone becomes less full of poop when you realize that they…poop.

Everyone needs to be held and have their lips kissed and privates rubbed and someone to tell them that everything’s going to be okay. That jerk who says mean things to you on the Internet probably feels lonely and sad and is eating ramen right now in his studio apartment. Sad for him! So sad! I wonder if people realize that when they treat people badly, it makes THEM look psycho and miserable. An X-ray is up of their brain and it just has “WHY WON’T SOMEONE HOLD ME?” scribbled all over it.

People go through the same stuff. Again, this is not a revolutionary concept but it’s something that people often toss aside when experiencing jealousy and insecurity. When you see the feelings taking a hold of you, you must remember these important things: people poop and are lonely and need a big hug.

(Of course, in some cases, a person deserves your hatred. I’m not 100% anti-hate, okay?) TC mark

image – Shutterstock

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • HEYGURL

    Exactly what I needed after a week of feeling like the shittiest human on the planet.

    I know these things, but it’s always nice to be reminded.

    • future gopher

      how can you be the shittiest person on the planet?  I can name at least 2 – Obama, John Paulson and bulge bracket C-level executives.  Cheer up.

  • Anonymous

    Amen, Ryan O’Connell. A. Men. Misguided hatred needs to disappear. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carlos-Ortiz/1279921705 Carlos Ortiz

    couldn’t stop unwillingly picturing beyonce pooping 

  • The Hankerer

    Fantastic post. I learnt this this week. Scratch the surface of Facebook/Twitter & there’s often a whole heap of pain underneath…

  • http://iwanttheseshoes.blogspot.com Olivia Moore

    such a good article- people really need to understand that seeing is not always believing. we do way too much to block our emotional receptors to other people when they do something ever so slightly to piss us off.

  • http://twitter.com/scruzz Shawn

    Though it’s dealing with a different topic, this article runs pretty parallel as to how I deal with haters/disrespectful people: instead of being angry at them, feel bad for them. People who have so much hatred, jealousy, and/or disregard for other people’s emotions are probably wildly damaged. Sucks for them.

  • Anonymous

    Everyone DOES go through the same shit, which I think means “a bad life” is not an excuse to be shitty to people. Oh, your girlfriend cheated on you and now you have trust issues? Well I got sexually assaulted by my best friend and I’M okay. Kind of. Better than you anyways.

    • Melyssa

      But people are different.  You can’t compare scars.  Everyone reacts, heals, and experiences life in a unique way. 

      • Liah

        only unique in the ways they react, I think. Otherwise, situations are often similar, no?

    • yeah

      but you’re missing the point, that no one is “better” because we all have different issues and pasts. 

      • Guestropod

        Except that some people are better.  I mean, I don’t rape people.  That makes me better than some people.  

    • MISSVISCERAL

      Yeah, it sounds like you’re ok, since you wear it as a badge of honour and all, people who think their problems make them special because you can have the WORST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPEND TO YOU ™ happen and think “wow, everything up till now was a cakewalk, what was I thinking?” but if you don’t understand that to someone else that would look like child’s play, too, then you will never understand that it is not everyone else’s job to admire you just cuz you are over wanting them to pity you. You don’t hate yourself for not anticipating the exact manner in which things were going to get so, so much worse before it even happened, so don’t hate other people for being absorbed by their pain while still thinking it’s ok to yank yours out and wave it around in people’s faces.

      You are using a “bad life” to be TOTALLY annoying and in an anonymous forum to boot?

  • It_if_it_is

    “That jerk who says mean things to you on the Internet probably feels
    lonely and sad and is eating ramen right now in his studio apartment.
    Sad for him! So sad! I wonder if people realize that when they treat
    people badly, it makes THEM look psycho and miserable. An X-ray is up of
    their brain and it just has “WHY WON’T SOMEONE HOLD ME?” scribbled all
    over it.”

    SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE’S MAD

  • Sophia

    this was SO GOOD. my favorite of your articles, i think. “just play them getting rejected by their crush over and over again until the hate finally washes out of your system.” i’m going to do this.

  • http://twitter.com/heatherkopanski Heather Kopanski

    This article can be summed up in one of my all-time favorite quotes, “Everyone is fighting their own battle.”

  • yesman!

    always be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle 
    -Plato

  • Mick

    Everyone’s got skeletons in their closet and they have problems, some just can’t cope and take it out on the people that surround them.

  • Jenesuispasmorrissey

    I needed this today  – thank you!

  • Guest

    Marry me, Ryan.

  • http://sentdownfromheaven.wordpress.com Sent Down From Heaven

    Reblogged this on Sent Down From Heaven.

  • http://www.pearltrees.com/samuelmengistu/item237897342 Samuelmengistu | Pearltrees

    […] See also[edit] Notes[edit] References[edit] Things To Think About Before You Start Hating Someone. Everyone has an Achilles heel. Everyone has that one thing that can cut them off at the knees, […]

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