Thought Catalog

How You Behave When You're In Bed With Someone

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When you’re in bed with someone, it feels like you’re trying on different parts of yourself. Even if you’ve been having sex for a long time, there is still something about every experience that feels like The First Time. You slip into a different mode, a different kind of being. Sometimes it feels like the most natural thing on the planet and sometimes it feels completely wrong. You’ll never know until you’re in bed with someone. Then you either try to get out as fast as you can or stay forever.

When you’re in bed with someone, it feels like you’re on an airplane or underground in a subway or taking a really long shower and letting your fingers start to prune. You’re cut off from technology — the supposed heartbeat of your young modern life and you don’t want to ever go back to reality. Want an excuse for not texting someone back or checking your email? Just tell them you were in bed with someone. Everyone will immediately understand and be like, “Oh, okay. Got ya. Go do you!” Sex is an excellent way to go off the grid. Who’s going to challenge you besides an evil celibate monster?

When you’re in bed with someone, the best part is usually the morning after post-coital talk. Now that the cum has been drained from your respective bodies, you can actually be normal and, you know… hang out. These talks are always amazing. Words are uttered with this hushed playfulness that you could only conjure with someone you just hooked up with. Your bodies are naked and desexualized, although that could change with a single touch. Your guard is completely let down. You can talk about whatever you want and it won’t be met with any judgement. I swear, there is no other interaction quite like this one. The kind of conversations you have in bed with someone cannot be recreated when you’re fully-clothed and hanging out at a sushi restaurant, which is what makes them so special.

When you’re in bed with someone, you feel like your life is real and things are happening. I know that sounds ridiculous but look, we spend so much of our time these days behind a computer screen that we often confuse it with a human connection. If we don’t get hugged today, that’s okay because someone liked our Facebook status and that’s practically the same thing, right? Uh, no. Nothing confirms this more than when you’re in bed with someone. A Facebook “like” ain’t got sh-t on a backrub or two people spooning at 5 a.m.

When you’re in bed with someone, you don’t necessarily have to love them in order to achieve intimacy. In fact, it’s amazing how tender you can be with someone without having strong feelings attached. It’s surprising how delicate and sweet you actually can be. Inherently, I would like to believe that we’re all loving and nothing lends more credence to this belief than how you behave in bed.

When you’re in bed with someone, you don’t want to open the blinds and get dressed and leave the room where everything started. When you both leave that bed, it undoes the spell. You immediately snap back to reality and walk with a sense of purpose and flinch when someone tries to touch you. We never try to take the things we learn in bed and apply them to our dealings in real life. They’re kept underneath the covers, ready for us when we return. I guess that’s what makes it so unique and ultimately beautiful. TC mark

image – MAZZALIARMADI.IT
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  • brideshead

    This is so beautiful.

  • CHUMP

    You should have been a carpenter as you always seem to hit the nail right on the head. BA-DA-BING! You know what I’m saying?!

    • Hawkes

      I’m shocked that so many intelligent and thoughtful people (well they must be if they’re here) like this comment. I even wrote it under a pseudonym to dis-associate myself from it.

  • boherubi

    Beaut-i-ful.

  • Kayla_Kixx

    This is one of the most insightful things I’ve ever read

  • plinz

    Grins of tenderness :D I am very glad that this is utterly true.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Hannah-Moire/100002582319456 Hannah Moire

    Love it.

  • Seriously?

    Tragic that Gen Whatever-the-Hell-the-Media-Calls-You has no clue what true intimacy is.

  • Anonymous

    Beautiful.

  • Suz

    Loved this article. The only cons is when i’m in bed with a man who forgot that I also was a human being and not only a woman body. The morning conversation is suddently less pleasant. Otherwise, all of this is so true.

  • sparkplugger

    not had sex yet.. cant wait for the night..!!

  • spreetster

    Ryan O’Connell: I love you.

    But seriously though, you always seem to capture how I feel about these things in the most perfect way. I actually check Thought Catalog multiple times a day to see if you’ve posted anything, is that creepy? Oh well.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VYDVROKY4PUBOKUHB3QF42FH2Y Paul S

    All true, and it’s amazing how we can forget the amazingness of being in bed with someone. Thanks for the reminder, Ryan! Now to find my BFWB, or is that FWB, or BFF… ah fuck it, where the bitches at!

  • http://twitter.com/yvonne1503 yvonne

    “When you’re in bed with someone, the best part is usually the morning after post-coital talk.” Amen to that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1427250002 Scott Bunner

    you really touch my heart ryan, im a new reader and have read all of your archived posts. Pleas continue to organize my lifes experiences… you are the best. 

    keep smiling.

    scott

  • becky

    I know exactly what you mean, nothing quite like that… thanks for putting it into words for me.

  • Anonymous

    Ryan was high when he wrote this. 

    • Ryan O'Connelll

      haha no i really wasn’t!

  • Carsiegrist

    i wish you could just text me something insightful everyday. i love your writing

  • http://stepandfall.blogspot.com/ Lu Han

    oh. my. god. 

  • guest

    beautiful. Thank you

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/KKR62KHWLOFDEREIKCYX2R3XJ4 Pedro

    You forgot to mention holding the farts in and avoiding breathing on one-another due to the vomit-inducing morning breath we all suffer from. Apart from that though, spot on.

  • Hazelwhispers

    I’m really high right now and I’m listening to Massive Attack and this article really touched my heart.

  • monickee

     “When you both leave that bed, it undoes the spell. You immediately snap back to reality and walk with a sense of purpose and flinch when someone tries to touch you. “-sad but true

  • jordan

    can read this over and over again. somehow makes me feel better. 

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