Thought Catalog

We’re All Going To Die In 2012 (YAY!)

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If those insane divas the Mayans are right, the world is totes gonna end in 2012, which is really… annoying. I don’t know about you guys but I was looking forward to getting a dog and a boyfriend and buying an expensive leather jacket or something. But now I can’t because the Mayans said so. Cool!

Believe it or not though, there is a silver lining to dying in less than a year. You know that super cheesy saying “LiVe EvEryDay LIKE It’s YoUr LaSt”? Well, we can actually apply that to this upcoming year without coming off like a freak who reads The Secret in their closet. That’s right. 2012 is the year to let your freak flag fly. 2012 is the year to throw caution to the wind and just do you (and anyone else you would like along the way.)

2012 is the year we don’t hold back. 2012 is the year we text people “TEXT ME BACK MOTHERF@#$ER. I know you’re there. You just tweeted something!” If the person texts back accusing you of being an insane person, just say “ Whatever hoe. We’re all gonna die in 32 daze anyway. I’m just being real!” Because, hello, we are going to die, so we might as well stop living in fear.

2012 is the year we destroy our bodies with burritos, fast food, and whatever else our tummy desires. Every time we take a calorie-filled bite of something, we’ll be able to hear our body scream, “Can you just not right now? I’m still recovering from that red velvet cupcake situation.” In this case, we need to just show our body who’s the boss and respond with something like, “Deal with it. You’re going to be vapor soon anyway.” When your body becomes startled and asks, “Um, what?!”, just stuff your mouth to dull the noise of its complaints.

2012 is the year we become super creepy to our crushes. Go up to someone you find attractive in the bar and just be like, “Hi babe! So it’s 2012, which means you and I will be dead soon. So… your place or mine? LOL. No, but seriously. I NEED TO FEEL ALIVE TONIGHT.”

2012 is the year we buy everything we want. “Just charge it! Oh, I’m in debt. Have fun trying to get me to pay it back when we’re all dead!” On second thought, if you go to hell, you might just be haunted by credit card bill collector phone calls forever.

2012 is the year we all try every drug imaginable. Even heroin! JK, you guys. Bad joke? No, the only way I would try it is if I saw the Armageddon coming right at me. Aerosmith would have to be playing “Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” in the background and Liv Tyler would be required to cry somewhere looking at a screenshot of Bruce Willis’ face. Only then! TC mark

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    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1288651570 Adam Ruhl

      i’d probably try heroin before that. this could have been better. or whatever.

      • Katie Bennett

        lighten up adam.  or whatever.  

    • Damack46

      Weak Sauce.

    • Reid

      “Whatever hoe.” #classic

    • Anonymous

      Totes insane.

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      If anyone does text me on New Year’s, I swear this will be  your last year alive.  T-Mobile raised the price of text messages, and I’m not paying for your drunk foolery.

      • http://www.facebook.com/Andlikethecatihaveninetimestodie Heather Mckown

        you can get texting blocked on t-moble so nobody can text you…i had to do that because people would not stop texting me no matter how many times i asked them not to.

    • Katie

      This was really dumb.

    • Catt

      Oh man, good thing that’s not what the Mayans predicted at all. Otherwise I might actually be worried.

      • Asdf

        Thank you for this bit of sanity. It gave my Christmas Eve a very merry beginning to know that there are others out there not falling victim to bastardized Mayan history.

    • http://twitter.com/tannnyaya Tanya Salyers

      fuck yea, apocalypse!!

    • https://twitter.com/iamthepuddles Jordana Bevan

      omg no, the Mayans didn’t predict the end of the world, they predicted the 5th coming of life, aka aliens. ugh, duh.

      • https://twitter.com/iamthepuddles Jordana Bevan

        keppler 22b??? anyone??

    • Asian

      Americans…

      • samanthaphoebe

        …Mayans?

    • Meera Shah

      i really hope the world ends, cause i’m sooo doing this

    • http://scribblesandtostitos.wordpress.com Yaa Yaa

      LMBO!!

    • Anonymous

      If 2012 were a social networking site, we all should make an account and then click on ‘stream’. an ocean of retardation will flow.

    • Munchimaid

      Mayans + American box office hit = derp 

    • http://itsrainin9.com Geraldine

      2012 is the year we become super creepy to our crushes. Go up to someone you find attractive in the bar and just be like, “Hi babe! So it’s 2012, which means you and I will be dead soon. So… your place or mine? LOL. No, but seriously. I NEED TO FEEL ALIVE TONIGHT.”

      HAHAHA

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