1. Our looks
The occasional self-loathing comment about your appearance is totally fine and normal but I can’t stand those people who are always putting themselves down by acting like they’re fat and ugly. The irony is that people who actually do this are rarely ugly or fat (true ugly and fat people keep their mouths shut because they don’t want to make things awk for everyone) so, really, why are they doing it? To say it’s because they’re fishing for compliments may be too simplistic, although I do find it interesting that self-loathers usually don’t mind having their picture taken. Could it be that they truly hate the way they look? Gasp! I don’t know. Whether it’s because they need constant validation or actually think they’re channeling Lyle Lovett, talking about how gross you think you are is annoying so stop.
2. Being broke
You can’t just G-chat me “OMG, I have no $$$” when I know you’re doing it on a MacBook Pro, which is like a $1200 computer. Plus, I just went shopping with you and you spent like sixty bucks at Whole Foods on shampoo and conditioner. The only people who are allowed to complain about being broke are the people who live in cardboard RV’s in front of my building.
3. Being single
I’m the biggest offender of this one. “OMG, I hate being single. Wait, you mean there’s a cute, nice, single guy who wants to date me? GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!” *runs away screaming* But seriously, why am I still single? I don’t get it…
4. The weather
Oh, it’s cold? Let’s write a book about it! Now it’s too hot? Dear god, is it ever just right with you people?!
5. Kim Kardashian’s marriage
So I guess people are feeling punked by The Kardashians because of Kim’s recent divorce, which is something I don’t get at all. Hello, Kris Jenner has been punking since those K divas came out of her vagina! We don’t look to The Kardashians for authenticity. If you do, may I suggest retreating to your own version of a Walden Pond and burning lots of incense for awhile?
6. Your best friends
Um, stop telling me how much you can’t stand this person and then, boom, there’s an Instagram posted on Facebook of the two of you hanging out. It makes me feel stupid for caring about the drama to begin with and it’s also just not very nice. It’s normal to vent from time to time but if you find yourself constantly talking crap about a friend, maybe it’s time to end things.
7. Your job
I get it that your job sucks sometimes but put things in perspective. There are so many qualified people out there who would kill to have your job or any job period. Complain about this stuff only to your co-workers and extend some courtesy to your unemployed friends.
I mean, if we stopped complaining about these things, people would probably have nothing to talk about, but it’s important to realize the absurdity of some of the things we gripe about. Maybe next time we’ll just keep our mouths shut.