1. “1999” by Prince
Let’s just get this obligatory pick out of the way. But first, can we please talk about how 1999 was almost thirteen years ago?! I swear to god, there’s a new opportunity for me to feel like an ancient fossil every single day.
Play this song as you’re getting ready to go out. Maybe you’re chain smoking Parliaments out your window and watching the already wasted people walk by. You’re nursing a mixed drink you made yourself and your BFF (or just one of your friends who’s actually single) is getting ready in the bathroom. During the pre-gaming, you ask each other three questions over and over again: “Where’d I put my drink?,” “Do you think tonight will be fun?” and my personal favorite, “Did the dealer text you back yet?”
2. “Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster The People
Foster The People was the 2011 version of MGMT. Which is to say that people loved them for 2.5 seconds before they got overplayed on CW teen dramas and decided to hate them forever. That being said, you’re pretty much obligated to hear one of the most played out songs of the year on New Year’s Eve. It’s the official funeral for the song you began to loathe the most.
This song will play the second you enter your New Year’s Eve party, and you and your friends will turn to each other, roll your eyes, and say in unison “I AM SO SICK OF THIS F&%^ING SONG!” Then, as if hypnotized, you’ll start dancing.
3. “Wait (The Whisper Song)” by Ying Yang Twins
Is a New Year’s Eve ever complete without “The Whisper Song”? I think not! This song will come on relatively early in the night and you’ll initially be caught off-guard by it. “Oh, I didn’t realize it was that time of the night yet…” But then you realize what New Year’s Eve is all about, which is getting someone to make out with you. “The Whisper Song” will help take you where you want to go. Trust.
4. “Till The World Ends” by Britney Spears
This song was my GETTING WASTED AND LOVING IT anthem of 2011. I seriously can’t hear it now without dry heaving and having to ask someone “What’s your name again?” But since this may very well be our last New Year’s Eve ever, it’s appropriate that we get cray cray to it one last time. When it comes on, there will be a collective squeal from the dance floor and people will start to lose their minds. And so the real fun begins…
5. “Still” by jj
You’re not naked with someone yet? Maybe this song will help. It’s kind of freaky, kinky, sexy. It will come on right when your New Year’s Eve drug of choice hits you or when you’re just about drunk enough to get weird on the dance floor by yourself. You’ll see someone cute nearby and start doing things that you think are sexy when you’re wasted (everyone has those go-to “sexy” moves, right?) but, in reality, make your eyes cross and drool form at the corner of your lip. Whatever. No one cares on this holidaze. Liberate yourself with this witchy jam.
6. “Lost Yo Mind” by Beyonce
This track is a B-side to my favorite Beyonce album, B’Day, and it’s a perfect song to play when you’re getting into a drunken fight with your friend right before the ball drops. If you’re feeling extra feisty, you could even do a dance off to this song. Whoever wins gets to pour a drink on the other person’s head. (I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THIS TO SOMEONE. WHO WILL LET ME?)
7. “Groove Is In The Heart/ California Girls” by Crocodiles
I feel like this playlist has taken a #dark turn so let’s lighten it up with this clever mashup. This song is best played while sobbing into your best friend’s arms and proclaiming your mutual love for each other. “We’ve gotten so close this year. I just love you so much. And I’m not just saying that because I just took Ecstasy in the bathroom. I freaking love you, chica!”
8. “We Found Love (In A Super Annoying Place)” by Rihanna
There is no avoiding this song. Ugh. I don’t know about you but it plays about ten times a day wherever I am. Someone will undoubtedly put this song on right before midnight and then people will dance to it mindlessly, perhaps not realizing that it’s actually about a toxic relationship between two addicts. Cool! Festive! Very now!
9. “White Lines (Don’t Do It)” by Grandmaster Flash
It’s not a proper New Year’s Eve until this ode to cocaine plays! It will most likely play at the after hours parties when everyone is either coming down from coke or trying to run away from the shady cokeheads who want to talk to them about astrology or linoleum floors.
10. “Someone Like You” by Adele
This will be the last song of the night. It will play when you’re either furiously making out with someone or crying alone in the corner. The sun will be coming up and everyone will begin to realize how terrifying they look. As the song is ending, people will be running out of the party screaming to seek refuge under their covers. No one is clearly ready to shake hands with 2012.