How Boys Make Me Feel

Some boys make me feel like a girl. You know the kind of boy I’m referring to. The ones that have machismo overflowing from their frowny faces and penises. The ones who don’t think about the things I think about or feel the things I like to feel. These boys make me feel separate and feminine. These boys might kick my ass.

Some boys make me feel like I’m not gay enough. It’s a silly thing to feel (what does it even mean?) but let me try to explain it to you. Some boys (gay ones obviously) have a huge group of gay friends, go exclusively to gay bars, and live in predominantly gay neighborhoods. These types of boys are like professional gay men. Their sexuality extends far beyond who they sleep with. It bleeds into their living space, social life, and where they choose to eat brunch. I envy these types of boys in a way because, besides having a handful of gay friends and sucking dick, I don’t usually do “gay” things. I sometimes wonder if I should. I kind of do want to find my tribe. I kind of do want to eat my gay brunch with my gay friends on a super gay Sunday.

Some boys make me feel empowered and confident. Seeing their fickle behavior and general lack of conviction makes me feel good by comparison. I’m not sure if that’s the healthiest reaction to have when you’re around a bland no-add type of boy but it is what it is.

Some boys make me feel inexperienced. I hear about their spontaneous sexual adventures and I’m thinking, “Is everyone having more sex than me?” I also feel weird for not treating sex so casually when some boys talk about it with utter indifference. How do you get that point? Do I even want to know how?

Some boys make me act like a psycho five-year-old who doesn’t know how to make a complete sentence. These are the boys who intimidate me in a good way. It’s all because I want to see them naked and I’m not sure if they feel the same. “Do you want to see me naked? Circle yes or no.”

Some boys confuse the hell out of me. You know that silly book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus?” The same could be said for just boys. It’s like we were born with the same parts and different everything else. Everyone tries to “understand” men. It’s the big struggle. OMG, men are like sooooo confusing. Katherine Heigl’s career wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for this. Well here I am, a real life boy, telling you that yes, we are confusing and we often confuse each other. At the same time, ANYONE that’s going to give you a boner is going to end up confusing you. Boys are just easy scapegoats, I guess. TC mark

image – Danielle Reuther

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • Disappointedgay

    I am so disappointed in you, roconn. This piece makes me doubt the veracity of your thoughts and doubt the countless hours I have spent reading your shit. I think I have to revoke your gay icon status. #sorryimnotsorry. It’s harsh, I know. But somehow I think I just matured and moved on. You know, it’s a hairflip.

    PS. Boys just want to suck your dick. or they don’t. but prolly they do.

    • Denden

      AH! A TAUTOLOGY! RUN!

  • Anonymous

    It´s not like that with just boys. Also with girls. I don’t date a lot of girls, because I don’t get the majority of them. Just, ugh

  • Rishtopher

    I can relate to the first two paragraphs a lot.

  • Anonymous

    “At the same time, ANYONE that’s going to give you a boner is going to end up confusing you.”

    Hahaha, this is the essential truth of it.

  • Kaitlin

    I think what you’re describing is really part of the human condition. And I can’t tell you  how many times I haven’t felt “enough” (queer enough, punk enough, smart enough, hell.. NORMAL enough)… which I think may be a universal feeling.

  • Present

    You are not a girl and you will never know what it feels like to be a girl, therefore you will never now how blatantly sexist, ignorant, and demeaning your first paragraph is.

    • Denden

      Can’t you see that paragraph stems from the essential cultural notion that maleness-masculinity and femaleness-femininity are complementary? Are you going to tell me that describing PB&J, Mustard & Ketchup, or Brangelina as compliments is ignorant? Pfft, go flick your bean.

      • Bee

        You’re a boring piece of pretentiousness. 

      • Denden

        “WOW >_> ur nice … u were a noob before so shut the hell up and stop talking act a noobs …” – 2months ago

        Loves ya too bb

      • Denden

        Around here, that’s a compliment. 

  • tired

    I think it just seems silly that we’re stilling blaming a gender for our confusion.. I’m a straight female, and just as many girls confuse me as guys do.  Not because of their reproductive organs, but because they are different people with very different backgrounds/beliefs/personalities.  And saying some guys make you feel like a ‘girl’…Really? Maybe they make you feel timid/fragile/insecure, but those traits aren’t reserved specifically for ‘girls’. I hope this doesn’t come across as harsh, because that’s not my intent.

    • Sophia

      Except some personality traits are actually inherently more common in one gender than the other. To a certain extent, most boys are emotionally wired differently from most girls. It’s what leads to mind games and communication problems in many relationships.

      • Kaitlin

        Just because something is “inherently more common” doesn’t mean it has to do with emotional wiring. I’m not disagreeing with you per se, but let’s also acknowledge that from the second we are born and named either “male” or “female” we are raised a certain way and there are certain expectations about how we are supposed to deal with emotions. It’s not as simple as genetics and biology…

        Also, what leads to mind games and communication problems is the simple fact that it’s REALLY hard for people to be honest and talk about how they feel (because doing that is scary).

  • Eric V

    This is silly and I like it. I relate to this so much. Thank you.

  • amsterDan

    friend told me ” you should read TC its awsome”! well thats not the case HERE!!! ATTENTION EDITORS this guy needs to be fired, unless he doesnt get paid then you should just part ways before you loose another reader because i wont be back.

    • blahblah

      lose*

      • Denden

        No bb, she loose.

    • Benjy

      KTHXBAI!

    • Joe

      He get’s paid. We won’t miss you.

  • Rahrah

    Whys everyone gettin so serious? It’s a fun piece. Chill out.

  • Benjy

    ” I kind of do want to find my tribe. I kind of do want to eat my gay brunch with my gay friends on a super gay Sunday.” Might be the best line I’ve read on this site. I laughed so hard. <3 you Ryan!

  • http://ohmenver.tumblr.com/ ohmenver

    Thanks for another great piece :) Nice insight into what it’s like for you as a gay boy.

  • Erin

    I have no idea how I relate to everything you write. Literally, EVERYTHING. 

  • Lo

    “You are not a girl and you will never know what it feels like to be a girl, therefore you will never now how blatantly sexist, ignorant, and demeaning your first paragraph is.”^^this is truth

    • George Eakin

      At first I disagreed with the statement that it’s sexist, ignorant and demeaning. Now I get it. To feel feminine is not a negative and shouldn’t be construed as such even if in jest. Still, we are all human (all too human) and empathy can bring us close to understanding the feelings and experiences of others across gender lines. I get that this article was spoken with humor to approach a subject that often ends in suicide. So I wouldn’t want to dismiss the good stuff because of the bad. We men and boys have a serious problem with the way we judge each other and women. Expectations are high, tolerance is low. What somebody else thinks could easily be dismissed except for the fact that there is often a threat of violence behind those judgments – “you’re different, I don’t like it, therefore I’m going to hurt you”. It’s crazy stupid. And tragic.

  • http://twitter.com/freckleballek Matthew Ballek

    Love it!

  • http://blip.tv/The-Film-Twit The Film Twit

    I couldn’t identify with this more.

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