How Boys Make Me Feel

Some boys make me feel like a girl. You know the kind of boy I’m referring to. The ones that have machismo overflowing from their frowny faces and penises. The ones who don’t think about the things I think about or feel the things I like to feel. These boys make me feel separate and feminine. These boys might kick my ass.

Some boys make me feel like I’m not gay enough. It’s a silly thing to feel (what does it even mean?) but let me try to explain it to you. Some boys (gay ones obviously) have a huge group of gay friends, go exclusively to gay bars, and live in predominantly gay neighborhoods. These types of boys are like professional gay men. Their sexuality extends far beyond who they sleep with. It bleeds into their living space, social life, and where they choose to eat brunch. I envy these types of boys in a way because, besides having a handful of gay friends and sucking dick, I don’t usually do “gay” things. I sometimes wonder if I should. I kind of do want to find my tribe. I kind of do want to eat my gay brunch with my gay friends on a super gay Sunday.

Some boys make me feel empowered and confident. Seeing their fickle behavior and general lack of conviction makes me feel good by comparison. I’m not sure if that’s the healthiest reaction to have when you’re around a bland no-add type of boy but it is what it is.

Some boys make me feel inexperienced. I hear about their spontaneous sexual adventures and I’m thinking, “Is everyone having more sex than me?” I also feel weird for not treating sex so casually when some boys talk about it with utter indifference. How do you get that point? Do I even want to know how?

Some boys make me act like a psycho five-year-old who doesn’t know how to make a complete sentence. These are the boys who intimidate me in a good way. It’s all because I want to see them naked and I’m not sure if they feel the same. “Do you want to see me naked? Circle yes or no.”

Some boys confuse the hell out of me. You know that silly book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus?” The same could be said for just boys. It’s like we were born with the same parts and different everything else. Everyone tries to “understand” men. It’s the big struggle. OMG, men are like sooooo confusing. Katherine Heigl’s career wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for this. Well here I am, a real life boy, telling you that yes, we are confusing and we often confuse each other. At the same time, ANYONE that’s going to give you a boner is going to end up confusing you. Boys are just easy scapegoats, I guess. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

image – Danielle Reuther

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