Skinny People Need To Stop Pretending That They’re Fat

Have you ever met a fat foodie? I haven’t. Please explain that to me. It’s like never seeing an alcoholic drink. How come all of the so-called foodies, the ones that tweet pictures of their New American deep-fried Oreos (with madagascar vanilla creme and dark chocolate crust—just like mom used to make!) are always so thin? Where are the deep-fried Oreos going? Do foodies have a special spitting cup like the ones you get when you go wine tasting? They savor the taste and immediately get rid of it? Because something is not adding up here. According to the Internet, you ingest 4,000 calories a day but still somehow manage to have a size 28 waist. One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn’t belong…

One of the fads of the internet is constantly blogging about the food that’s entering your body. More often than not though, the food that’s documented would not be out of a place on the website, This Is Why You’re Fat. (I’m guilty of this trend to a certain extent too by talking about my cupcake and Nutella consumption but to be fair, I’m no waif. I have a big booty and a tummy.) A fattening piece of food is usually accompanied by a photo of the thin person who’s eating it and a caption that reads: OMG. Fried chicken sandwich + truffle fries = fat kid 4 lyfe.” Au contraire. You would think that such a meal would make you a “fat kid 4 LYFE”, but it actually makes you a skinny kid with a great metabolism/a secret eating disorder… 4 lyfe.

I wonder though why there has been such an emphasis placed on the junk food we eat. Why do we feel the need to blog about it so much? Why is it breaking news whenever we eat an ice cream sundae? “Don’t mind me. Just flooding my young skinny body with loads of calories. Jealous?” No. I’m not. I don’t care about your ice cream sundae but I’m wondering why you do so much. Is it a humble brag type of situation? When thin people talk about their poor eating habits, are they showing off? Are they letting us soak in the irony that they’ve maintained a nice figure by eating absolute crap? I don’t know much about the psychology behind it because I’ve never been super thin before. When I eat crappy food, it sort of does stick to my body so tweeting about it and posting pics isn’t as fun. It’s like, “Hi. Here are the reasons why I gained ten pounds this summer. Enjoy!”

I guess it just annoys me when people talk about the fattening foods they eat and are like “I’M SUCH A FAT KID. I’M AN OBESE PERSON.” Because it’s like, hi, you’re not. You’re the opposite. Imagine if someone who was morbidly obese did tweet about their ice cream sundae and say something like, “I’m SUCH a fat kid.” There would be crickets on the Internet. A tumbleweed would run through their Twitter. For someone who’s fat, their relationship with food is more private and shame-based. But if you’re thin, you can flaunt it without judgement.

I guess, at the end of the day, I’m just bewildered by skinny people eating like they’re Kirstie Alley (circa last year) at an all-you-can-eat ice cream bar. WTF? Maybe I’m just jealous though. Either way, just stop calling yourself fat and posting pics of you devouring cake please. Some of us can’t have our cake and Twitpic it too! TC mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

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