If You Make Me Laugh, I’ll Marry You

You know what’s weird? Some people aren’t funny. I mean, I’m not talking about the people who think they’re funny but are, in fact, quite the opposite, although those people suck too. I’m referring to the poor souls who legit don’t have a funny bone in their entire body. They’re seemingly allergic to making jokes and refuse to view the world through any lens that might contain humor. These people scare me. I always assumed that humor was just something that everyone had. Granted, some people were blessed with more of it than others but I thought the common ground we all shared was our desire to laugh. I guess not though! After doing extensive research, I’ve discovered that some people just don’t like to laugh. It’s not on their life to-do list. “I have to do laundry today, be happy, kiss someone, fall in love. Check, check, check, check. Dear god, what is “Have a good laugh” doing on here?! Is this some kind of prank? I’d sooner die than make with the funny jokes!”

So yeah, I don’t get unfunny people. I probably would understand polygamist Mormons and the Amish more than I would understand a humorless bastard but that’s just me bein’ Miley, I guess! Now that I think about it though, I suppose the unfunny people I meet do serve an important purpose in my life. By being horrendous wastes of space, they make all of the people I can banter with all the more special to me. Let’s be real, when you find someone who is on your level with the jokes, you do either one of two things:

1. Start sobbing uncontrollably out of relief and tattoo “BEST FRIENDS FOREVER” on your chest. Then try drugging the funny person with ten Vicodin before bed and tattoo “I’M OFF THE BEST FRIEND MARKET” on their face while they’re asleep. They should know that resistance is futile. They have no choice but to be your best friend. Sorry.

2. In my case, if said funny person has a penis, I will pursue them tirelessly and break their spirit/will to live until they agree to date and love me… at least five days out of the week. I am so attracted to men who can make me laugh. Someone can be a burn victim/dwarf with halitosis and if they have me in stitches, I’ll be like, “Whatever. Good breath is overrated anyway. Please get on top of me now!” When someone can play off of my jokes and create a ping-pong match of dialogue, I’m basically jizzing in my pants every two seconds. That’s a love stain right there….

Unfortunately, finding Mr. Funny Man is supremely difficult. What’s up with that, boys? Why aren’t you funny? Being a B-I-T-C-H doesn’t count as actual humor, FYI. Brattiness requires minimal brain effort and is never impressive. Although it’s fair to note that dating an actual comedian type could be a nightmare. They’re usually full of self-loathing, insecurity, and booze. But you know what? I don’t care. I’ll take my funny guy with a side of messed up. All of the people worth knowing and dating are crazy anyway.

This is sort of unrelated, but you know what I think is hilarious? When I’m hanging out with someone who has no sense of humor and I make my tenth joke of the evening when, all of a sudden, they look at me like a lightbulb just went off in their head and say, “Oh my goddddd, you’re like really funny! Wow….” Um, duh. Where the hell have you been during this hang out session? It’s all I have! If you weren’t aware of my sense of humor, what were you noticing? Don’t answer that actually. Funny people are sensitive. TC mark

image – David Shankbone

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

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If You Make Me Laugh, I’ll Marry You is cataloged in , , , , ,
  • poopface

    ugh ryan STAPPPPP my biggest insecurity is that i’m not funny…i can make people laugh, but only certain ones. also i require a certain level of comfort to be truly funny…fuck now i’m gonna be so self conscious AH

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      #1 on the 6 things a twentysomething needs in order to survive, if I remember correctly.  Constant validation.  You are funny. You are funny….now let’s make love.   

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    Wocka Wocka!

  • SS

    “When I’m hanging out with someone who has no sense of humor and I make
    my tenth joke of the evening when, all of a sudden, they look at me like
    a lightbulb just went off in their head and say, “Oh my goddddd, you’re
    like really funny! Wow….” Um, duh. Where the hell have you been during
    this hang out session? It’s all I have!”

    This is how I feel every day.

  • Savannah

    I am starting to adore this writer! I have loved everything I have read so far.

  • Tiggers

    This writer is starting to drive me nuts. Great article titles but just a bunch of winey bullshit. I don’t laugh anymore. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

    Ryan, I love you, but please stop making the “Miley” joke.

    • Ryan O'Connell

      Okay, honey. I will. No problem.

  • seanelly

    I’m sure there are those who take this as a challenge to make you laugh.

    I’ll bring the banana peels and the lab coats, you bring the bourbon.
     I’m game if you are.

  • Whater

    “love stain” lol. I’m gonna use that!

  • enough

    you’ll marry anyone; we get it. enough.

    • Anonymous


    • Jenn


  • GTT85

    “When someone can play off of my jokes and create a ping-pong match of dialogue.” I’m going to use that in my vows someday

  • Anonymous

    When I laugh, everybody laughs. It’s a rare gift without the wit but with the same response. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      I’ve always had an affection for that personality type…they just have a glow to them that makes everyone a little cheery.

  • Guest

    “All of the people worth knowing and dating are crazy anyway.”

    yeah, good point.

  • Geraldine

    I had an inkling that this was Ryan… Turns out I’m right! Hahahahaha I have to agree that this is a requirement for dating, marriages, whatever. A life without funniness? Who broke your funny bone? D:

  • Anonymous


  • quixotically

    This is my LIFE MOTTO.  Often when people ask what I look for in relationship material, I just say he/she has to have a (good) sense of humor – sure, I want intelligence and a smattering of maturity, but if you’re making me laugh then you probably already have those down pat anyway. :)


  • 12th Curators

    Funny as always. I hope this doesn’t hurt your sensitive ego =).

  • Waicool

    it is hilarious to me a gay dude uses a picture of a girl to get his point across.

  • Brandon h

    YES, Brandon’s gettin laid tonight if he lived in New York!

  • Melissa

    ew to that burnt dwarf thing. but yeah, finding mr. funny is supremely difficult.

  • Anonymous


  • rooar

    unfunny people are there to provide the chorus of laughter in response to the funny things funny people say. 

  • Joshrom

    If a gay male is a female with one less hole, can I take the author’s mindset to be that of a female and learn how to make chicks laugh?

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