How To Survive Winter
By Thoughtis
Watch the weather start to change. See your breath, feel the chill in your bones, and come to terms with the fact that you’re going to be physically uncomfortable for the next four months. You’ll always either be too cold or too hot, always undressing and dressing again when you go out anywhere, and you’ll have to hear this a lot: “It’s really bad this year. I don’t think I’ve experienced a winter as severe as this one.” In fact, it is always the worst one. We set records every year.
Like yourself. I mean, you should always like yourself, it’s the key to living a happy life, but you really have to like yourself when it’s miserable out. You’re very much a solo star during the winter. It can get alienating, friends hibernate, so you must learn how to have fun with yourself. I spent last winter living alone in a studio apartment and working full-time from home. To make matters worse, I also wasn’t seeing anyone. If I didn’t enjoy hanging out by myself and reading books in bed, you best believe I would’ve gone insane. I really got to know myself last winter and it got real.
If you can find a smooching/ cuddling partner, do it! Or if you already have a boyfriend/ girlfriend, try not to feel claustrophobic and start little fights. They’re only here to help you! The winter can be a tumultuous time. Things can easily become like a PG version of The Shining so whenever you start to feel a little crazy, take solace in knowing that it’s probably just the winter’s fault. Blame EVERYTHING on the winter. It’s used to it. “Yeah, I know I’m terrible. Just hang everything on me. Seriously, I don’t mind. I’m sorry for sucking so bad 🙁 🙁 :(”
Take lots of baths. Listen to music that makes you feel warm, like Atlas Sound, Miles Davis or Joni Mitchell. Make winter playlists. Drink brown liquor, maybe some bourbon. Indulge in Hot Toddy’s like it’s your job. Frequent bars that have fireplaces and resemble a log cabin. (If you live in New York, may I suggest Shoolbred’s on 2nd Avenue?)
Go on weekend getaways with your friends. Rent a cabin in Vermont or upstate New York and spend your time playing board games and drinking out of a flask. Go to a townie bar and make out with someone named Tom or Elise who’s looking to move out West. Kiss them in the bar and then kiss them in the cold and then kiss them all over.
If the winter really is that much of a problem, if you think you’re one of those people who has vitamin D deficiencies and experiences seasonal depression, maybe you should move. I know it sounds like a big leap but, for some people, weather is a valid deal breaker. People live in Los Angeles because they can’t actually reside somewhere that goes below 65 degrees. It sounds dramatic, but who are we to judge? If you find yourself living in a dark hole four months out of every year, get out! Get out while you still can! There’s no shame in knowing this.
Watch the weather warm up and see the ice melt enough to wear an outfit that shows off the shape of your body. Look forward to spring. April comes around and spring is still nowhere to be found. It just rains all time and stays in the forties. Oh well.
Wonder each year how you did it, how you made it through. You tried to like yourself (it worked?) and you drank a lot of bourbon, sometimes even in the bath. You did it all, you followed the instructions, and you survived another winter. Whoopdeedoo. Oh, and spring happened for like, two days.