A Conversation You Have With Someone You Secretly Hate

Two girls run into each other at a house party. They have the following exchange.

You: Oh my god, SO good to see you. Sorry I didn’t make it to your birthday party last month. I really felt like I was coming down with something.

Your Frenemy: Oh my god, don’t you even worry about it! I figured you wouldn’t be able to make it. Seriously. Not EVEN an issue.

You: Cool. You know, I LOVE your bangs. Did you just get them done? I’ve always wanted to get them but I really don’t think they’d look good on me. You have a big forehead so they look perfect on you but my forehead is smaller so, you know…..

Your Frenemy: Thanks! You’re too sweet. They’re not new though. I’ve had them for, like, three years. I just don’t think you’ve ever noticed.

You: Are you sure? God, you must’ve just done something different with them tonight.

Your Frenemy: Nope. I’m wearing it the same way I always have…

You: Okay, well, my mistake!

Your Frenemy: Hey, did I see you walking out of Planned Parenthood the other day? The one on Elm? I was driving by and I could’ve sworn it was you…

You: (STIFFENS UP) Um, no. I don’t think so! Haven’t been there recently so it couldn’t have been me.

Your Frenemy: That’s so funny because I was almost positive it was you. You were wearing that backpack with your name stitched on the back. Gosh, you must have a twin roaming around…

You: Yeah, it’s uncanny!

Your Frenemy: (WHISPERS) You know, I just wanted you to know that if you’re going through something, I’M HERE FOR YOU. Seriously. I mean that. Anything you need, don’t hesitate to ask.

You: Um, thanks. I know you’ve been such a good friend to me. I would totally tell you if something was up. I feel like we’ve become close again. I mean, I’m totally over that one time you told everyone I had herpes. Forgive and forget, sister!

Your Frenemy: I’m so glad we’ve moved on from that. It was just such a huge misunderstanding…

You: Oh, I know. And I’ve healed and moved on. No more drama. I think we’re in a good place.

Your Frenemy: Such a good place.

You: I’ve also forgiven the time you switched my birth control with Xanax. And the time you made out with my boyfriend in Cancun. And the time–

Your Frenemy: I was roofied in Cancun, okay?! You know that. I was straight up Marisa Cooper in TJ! And regarding the birth control and Xanax, it was a common mistake! I thought we were past those issues.

You: We are! OMG, we so are. I’m just mentioning it again to show how forgiving I can be.

Your Frenemy: Right. Well. maybe we shouldn’t rehash the painful past. In case you didn’t know, I’ve changed and become a better person.

You: And so have I. You know what? Let’s just hug.

Your Frenemy: We need a hug.

You: Let’s do it.

They embrace awkwardly.

Your Frenemy: I’m glad we did this. To be honest, I feel like there’s been some unresolved tension and I think you and I both needed to have some real talk.

You: Agreed. Well, I’m going to get a drink but I’ll see you in a sec.

Your Frenemy: Perfect.

The second they separate, The frenemy grabs a friend and mouths:

Your Frenemy: I hate that bitch. Let’s go.

So I know this exchange is exaggerated but we’ve all had a variation of this conversation with someone we don’t like. We’re not allowed to hate anyone openly because that would be “too high school” so what do you do instead? Act completely fake and spout off some BS like it’s our job. No one said we had to like everyone. But everyone says we have to pretend. WTF? No. How many times have we sat through conversations when someone is throwing tiny little daggers at us disguised as compliments and we can’t say anything? Instead, we exact our revenge by canceling on plans and not following them back on Twitter. It’s the 2011 way! Oh, and also, don’t ever say that I look “healthy”. We all know that means I look like I bathed in a deep fryer. TC mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Related

More From Thought Catalog

  • Anonymous

    Eh

  • Deliamows

    Is it just me because when I see someone I dislike I will ignore them indefinitely. I refuse to have a “civil” conversation with someone whom I obviously don’t care about.

  • Anonymous

    Ugh. I pictured the exact person I would have this conversation with. I think this has moved me to just cut ’em off.

  • suzy q

    Ryan O’ Connell, you may understand the female species better than us ladies. Well written, well thought out, so sad this is the truth. LET’S cut them out!

  • untimelymeds

    LOL, Ryan

  • http://itsrainin9.com/blog Geraldine

    Relevant. Sometimes you want to ignore that person you dislike, but because of social circumstances like you’re still friends with a certain group (except him/her), and you have to play nice. And pretend to get along. Sigh.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1147860061 Brandon Buchanan

    This conversation should’ve been in Mean Girls!

  • http://about.me/mattcherette Matt Cherette

    The part about the bangs needs an “I could’ve sworn…” thrown in somewhere.

  • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

    pretty glad I don’t relate

    I dunno, even when I have to make nice to someone I don’t really like, the conversation never seems to involve passive-aggressive cuts like that

  • http://mrianmbelcurry.tumblr.com/ Mr. Ian M. Belcurry

    Why is there a picture of Stephanie Georgopulos on this? A passive agressive jab? DO you hate each other? This seems like an US Weekly observation. I’m sure it’s cool between you. Seems curious though?

    • ryan o'connell

      i mean stephanie bought me dinner the other night when i had no $$$ and she’s basically my TC lifeline

      • http://mrianmbelcurry.tumblr.com/ Mr. Ian M. Belcurry

        Nice. Figured u 2 r cool. I read too much celeb gossip, I think

      • http://omgstephlol.tumblr.com Stephanie Georgopulos

         <3

  • Erin

    straight up Marissa Cooper in TJ, the greatest episode of the OC, thanks for that lil’ nugget

  • Akimaii

    Girl relationships are complicated.

  • http://www.nicholeexplainsitall.com EarthToNichole

    Last time a person I hate tried to initiate pointless conversation with me at a bar, I simply said, “I can’t fucking stand you. Let’s just not talk.”

    Haven’t had to endure any soul sucking “frenemy” conversations since.

  • http://twitter.com/scottneyspears Scott

    this is the perfect article to describe #throwingshade

  • Rishtopher

    I’ve straight up told people that I didn’t want associate with them. How hard is that? I have common friends too, just don’t make plans with them. Surprisingly easy. All else fails, just pretend to be busy I guess. I’ve never seen a case where that has failed. They’ll get the hint if you’re always “busy”.

    • Faith

      I think the main point of this article is the pretense we all go through when we encounter with such a frenemy. I mean, telling these people you are busy when you are not is also part of a pretend act (it’s like you’re telling them I would “love” to hang out with you but I have “something on”). That’s just my opinion though. It’s not hypocritical anymore, it’s living like an adult in the 21st century.

  • Anonymous
  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/13-things-people-like-to-talk-about-when-theyre-drunk/ 13 Things People Like To Talk About When They’re Drunk | Thought Catalog

    […] How terrible everyone is. People like to talk shit, especially when they’re inebriated, because there’s no censor. Bonus points are given […]

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/11/13-things-people-like-to-talk-about-when-they%e2%80%99re-drunk-2/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] How terrible everyone is. People like to talk shit, especially when they’re inebriated, because there’s no censor. Bonus points are given […]

blog comments powered by Disqus