Thought Catalog

6 Things A Twentysomething Needs In Order To Survive

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1. Constant validation

It might seem like we all live in different places but we actually all reside in the same area code: The Internet, duh! Otherwise known as Narcissist Nation (population: us). Thanks to Twitter, Facebook, and our parents, we are now unable to survive without constant validation and accolades. We’ve been told we’re special from day one and that has been blown up via social networking sites. Every time you sign online, you set yourself up either for rejection or acceptance. People “like” our thoughts every day, write on our walls, tweet at us and Follow Friday our Twitter handles. People/borderline strangers are telling us we’re great all day long and that  praise becomes addicting. Twentysomethings need to have their feelings validated by their BFF’s and sometimes a random stranger in Singapore. Otherwise, ashes to ashes, we all fall down.

2. Talking about the healthy, expensive, and complicated food they eat

Twentysomethings are REALLY into food. If they’re not eating it, chances are they have an eating disorder, which is chic too, but most of us are “foodies” who take note of everything that enters our bodies. “OMG, look at this tempeh stir fry I made all by myself! Jealous?” Um, no. It looks like poop. Literally. We like to show that we eat healthy and spend six dollars on organic cereal rather than a name brand at a corporate store because, ew, preservatives. My body, my rules, my VERY expensive grocery store bill.

3. A cellphone

This is so obvious I almost decided not to include it but I knew people would call me out for excluding it. So here it is! Twentysomethings (and everyone else) need cell phones. Without them, we would just wander aimlessly to strangers’ doorsteps and knock. Someone would answer and look at us blankly. Unsure of what to do, we would “HOO” at them like an owl, before malfunctioning like a robot and dissolving into a puddle of burnt wires. Surprise! We’re cyborgs. Byeeeee.

4. Have a #dark period in their lives

As twentysomethings, we always feel like delicate fragile feathers clicking REFRESH on that one New York Times article about us (you know the one) and writing vague emo things on our blog. “FML FML OMG FML IS MERCURY IN RETROGRADE?”. We always like to refer to dark times in our lives with a renewed sense of clarity. “I’m past that now. It’s hard to believe it actually happened.” And you have to bite your tongue to refrain from saying, “Honey, that dark time you’re referring to happened last week!” But you know, metamorphosis or whatever. Caterpillar to a butterfly. Kafka. You’re totally a different person now. That was when you were 22 and now you’re 24 so, you know, a lot has changed.

5. Stuff we don’t need

To be fair, this isn’t really our fault. We were born into a consumer culture and it has only intensified with the advances in technology. But on the real, if you can’t pay your rent, don’t spend five hundred dollars on a phone. Don’t sit here and talk to me about not having any money while showing me the cool things Siri can do. Here’s an idea. How about you ask Siri how you can make $$$? It’ll respond probably with, “IDK LOL.”

6. Articles about themselves on Thought Catalog

I mean……

Honorable mentions: Telling themselves that they’re NOT a hipster, a computer to hide behind when things get real, pills, TV shows/movies/books about their generation, pop music so they can love it ironically, their parents’ money, their parents’ love, ignoring their parents’ phone calls, complaining about never getting laid but never actually trying, saying “I HATE DRAMA!” when you are the drama queen, being jealous of everyone who isn’t you, flaking on someone at least once a week, not saying what you actually mean, and thinking you’re crazy. TC mark

Image via espensorvik

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    • Anonymous

      For cellphone, I feel feel “smartphone” would have been more appropriate.

      • spaltalie

        and less redundant…. even most of the homeless people I know have cell phones

        • Bollywoodbattersea

          how many homeless people do you know?

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      Number one is number one for a reason, which is why it’s number one.

      • Walid Mowaswes

        Good Job. :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=667441091 Archita Trisal

      Hahah! I felt the Honorable Mentions were more bang on!

    • CL

      I think I’m ok with believing that we all actually are undergoing profound metaphysical metamorphoses all the time, and also thinking that that’s pretty cool.

    • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

      I don’t think I’ve heard anyone say “I HATE DRAMA” since high school

      • Hipsterdickpunch

        You are so cool 

        • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

          ikr

      • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

        You don’t have many gay friends, do you?

        • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

          well, my bestie would never say he ‘hates drama’ and he’s dating a dude who kicked in his bedroom window and cut himself so that he had to go to the hospital over an argument about whether or not he could talk loudly about selling pills in the apartment courtyard

        • http://www.facebook.com/jessi.smith1 Jessi Smith

          He must be going through his #dark period.

    • http://twitter.com/keithpinthecity Keith Pence

      I actually don’t even like using facebook anymore because of the lack of validation I receive on it.  People like me more on tumblr and twitter than on facebook, so I prefer those two forms of social media.  It’s strange/sad, but when something you tweet gets retweeted 10 times or something you post on tumblr gets 50+ notes, it feels a lot better than 10 likes on a facebook status. 

      • Walek

        Haha. No really, you are joking, right?

        • http://twitter.com/keithpinthecity Keith Pence

          sadly, no. it’s the world we live in.

      • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

        hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

        • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

          I enjoy your humor, but your photo creeps me the hell out. 

        • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

          cool

    • just sayin.

      ‘4. Have a #dark period in their lives’ I get that your article is intended to be humourous in nature, but be aware – the second largest cause of death from age 15 -25 is mental illness. #4 is really only adding to the stigma that surrounds mental health, and those individuals who go through a #dark time…

      • Fuckoff

        Hopefully more of these assholes kill themselves/OD on their boring painkillers – but alas, they are too soft to do that- mental illness? why because they don’t have an iPad yet? FUCK OFF

        • http://twitter.com/recessional ko•ko•ro

          um.

        • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

          I will not validate you with this kind of behavior.  Bad.  Bad. 

      • Guest

        this dark period, more commonly known as lack of sex

      • alex

        I think you may have read a little too into this … by dark he isn’t referring to mental illness but rather that sense of confusion being in your twenties brings. I don’t know how to explain but I get it

    • Rebeccaelise54

      Add a little buddhism to your life, many of these needs would cease to overpower your being.

      • Gwab

        shut

    • Rebeccaelise54

      Have a problem? Study Buddhism.

      • Gwab

        up

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508371039 Rayan Khayat

        Islam > Buddhism

    • Uncreative

      Ha, thinking you’re crazy….

    • http://theholylance.com Nick Cox

      You should stop writing about how we are and start writing about how we can stop being that way and start being some other way that is totally different.

    • Sutera_Dan

      I hate to be an ass, but did anyone get the urge to actually ask Siri how to make money? She actually tells you how to convert $10 US to Swiss francs. Is she trying to tell us something?

      • http://twitter.com/sashasweety Mariah Lancaster

        I did it too. I feel like I’m being told to open a secret bank account…

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      Work for a public school for a month and these six necessities will disappear. 
      The only validation I received today is the validation that if I didn’t get out of a student’s face, she was going to punch me.  I have 15 minutes to eat lunch, so I stick with the cafeteria food…it may be greasy, but it’s cheap and adds some cheer to my day.  Cell phones, in my eyes, are tantamount to hard drugs, since these kids are absolutely addicted to them during class.   Last, I’ve realized I don’t have a dark period…or at least I have nothing on the kid just arrested for stabbing and killing another student on the streets  last week over marijuana. 
      …Yep…

    • http://www.facebook.com/t.jason.ham Jason Ham

      Dope, I now know what to put on my OKCupid profile lololololo

    • Walid Mowaswes

      Brilliant.

    • Charles Chia

      Word.

      (You have now been validated by a random stranger from Singapore.)

      • Anonymous

        we should be friends. (random stranger from Singapore)

        • sglor

          Hello I’m another random singaporean. I kinda like how ryan’s articles apply to our lives. Hah

    • rueben

      thanks captain obvious

    • http://itsrainin9.com/blog Geraldine

      This was hilarious. And so true. 

    • Julia Green

      Such bold statements… with such boring insight. 

    • JoshRom

      I get my validation by not having a cellphone, a facebook, or a soul.  Man I’m fucking special.

    • Leah

      I mean, I don’t have a smart phone.  Its after 4 a.m.m and I am waiting for the guy I just fucked to text me back… and I am eating ramen… I cooked it for myself and its after 4… that makes me a foodie…. right?
        I love you, Ryan…and I would consider myself to be only 65% DRUNK!

    • http://twitter.com/vickstahs Vicky Nguyen

      Lols, “6 Things Twentysomething Needs in Order to Survive” ? Try “List of things this generation is guilty of, and the next is doomed to repeat, if not in a much more obsessive -compulsive manner” or something of that nature.

    • André Philippe Leblond

      FYI addicting is not a word.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508371039 Rayan Khayat

      boy you don’t need no one’s validation except yo mama’s, why don’t you do what she says once in a while

    • Anonymous

      ok uh, I’m from Singapore……

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