5 Instances In Which It’s Socially Acceptable To Get Wasted

1. Weddings

Everyone knows that weddings equal booze and tears. As a guest of a wedding, you have to say “I Do” to acting like a damn fool on the dance floor, sobbing hysterically into your tablecloth, and maybe making out with your second cousin. It’s the American way. I haven’t been to many weddings myself because all of my friends are in their early twenties and not THAT stupid. I did, however, attend my 21-year-old Christian cousin’s wedding a few years back. I was looking forward to a night of free-flowing booze and honesty with my passive-agressive family until I realized that no alcohol would be served. Like at all. Seeing as how most of the guests were either pregnant, straightedge or both, my cousin didn’t feel it was necessary to include alcohol. WHAT? Not serving booze at a wedding is like saying “LOLZ THERE WILL BE NO WEDDING CAKE AND CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE ME TEN DOLLARS EACH FOR THE CATERED CHICKEN?” Luckily, one of my other cousins smoked me out in his car before the ceremony and I spent the entire day laughing and going back for seconds, thirds, and fourths of the wedding cake.

2. Happy hour with your co-workers

People LOVE to get wasted with their friends from work. Part of the appeal is the clash between sterile professionalism and absolute debauchery. It’s like, “Hi. I see you in work pants and a button-up every day and we talk numbers. Do you want to behave like a psycho animal with me after work and go to the strip club?” People get off on the two extremes, myself included. My favorite pastime is breaking down boundaries with people. If anyone acts too stiff with me, I consider it to be a challenge to get them wasted and tell me intimate details by the end of the night. And they always do. At 9pm, we’re talking “WORK” and by 2am, we’re talking drugs and penis size.

3. The holidays

The holidays are a notoriously stressful time. You spend 364 days of the year ignoring how screwed up your family is and then you’re obligated to face the dysfunctional music. It’s no surprise then that people choose to get completely wasted during Thanksgiving and/or Christmas dinner. If there aren’t fistfights and tears by dessert, you can consider the holiday to be a wash. My family doesn’t drink (everyone has either been to rehab for it or doesn’t like the taste) so I’ll usually have to bring along one of my “Riding Airplanes” meds to get through it. Honestly, it’s not a holiday until a medicine cabinet has been raided. #dark #holidaze

4. Alone with your BF/GF on a weeknight

Is there any greater comfort than getting balls to the wall drunk with your significant other on a Tuesday night? You didn’t plan this—it was supposed to be a quiet date night— but here you are together, polishing off the second bottle of wine. And they can’t judge you for it. You’re in a safe space. You can get as crazy as you want and STILL get laid at the end of it. “I’m going to get cray cray and you’ll have no choice but to still try to give me an orgasm later. Now pour me another glass, okaaaaayyy?” Ugh, the luxury of being in a relationship. With single people, getting wasted on a Tuesday night means you’re sad, alone, and probably going to be tweeting some things later you’ll regret in the morning.

5. Reuniting with old friends

If an old friend is coming into town for a weekend, I have to treat my body like a temple for three weeks prior to their arrival because I know it’s going to be taking one hell of a three-day beating. But that’s what you do with the friends you’ve known for forever. You get wasted, create new memories, and talk about how important you are to each other.

Honorable mentions: Brunch, celebrating good news, because you’re bored, because you’re angry, because you’re sad, because you’re happy, because you live in New York. TC mark

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • mp90909

    6. Bar/Bat Mitzvahs.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1690980049 Uchenna Anyiam

    Number 5 :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=696196762 Alexis Carek

    Thank god for number 3, or there would be no holidays with the s-o’s family…

  • Mashka

    um I participate in 2, 4, 5 and all of the honorable mentions on a weekly basis. Oops.

  • Mashka

    oh and 6 should be – because you’re Russian.

    • Guy

      Or because you’re dating a Russian.  Never try to keep up.

  • Guest

    i’m so sick of you ryan o’connell

    • ryan o'connell

      good because im sick of you too, ya big bully!

    • Inflammatory

      YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE

    • steph

      LEAVE RYAN ALONE! 

  • http://rayguntest.tumblr.com Raegan

    I can see getting wasted at any of these occasions going seriously wrong…. But maybe that’s because I’m a skank when drunk.

  • http://twitter.com/ingenuegle Egle Makaraite

    tl;dr: Whenever you want.

  • Mpeter39

    Helloo? Open bars? Especially expensive open bars

  • http://twitter.com/MissKimball misskimball

    Don’t do #2 if you have a proper job, there will always be a seasoned alcoholic in the group who just tags along to gather intel

  • Lauren

    Haha!!  Love this.  I am the reigning Queen of Happy Hour with Co-Workers.  Breaking down boundaries is my jam.

  • sophia

    I go to thought catalog just to read your articles. You are so relatable and awesome :)

  • http://twitter.com/keithpinthecity Keith Pence

    I don’t get why people on here rip Ryan and his articles.  If you don’t like them, then don’t read them.  It’s pretty fucking basic.  I, on the other hand, love Ryan’s articles and really only read his because they are the ones that resonate with me best.

    • Guest

      you just want his dick

      • http://twitter.com/keithpinthecity Keith Pence

        omg you’re so000ooo right.

  • JJ

    Ryan, you chat shit sometimes but you are absolutely hilarious. You are my dose of laughter before I go to bed everyday, so thank you for that. 

  • Anonymous

    funerals?

  • bmorisot

    “aggressive” has two ‘g’s #awkwardspellingerror

    • Amber

      seriously?? Out of all the things u could’ve said, u decided to comment on SPELLING? *rolling eyes* This is cyberspace bro, go read a novel!

  • Anonymous

    I was so freaking upset when I checked tc yesterday and didnt see any article by ryan

  • Mgonola

    Because you live in New Orleans… It’s a cultural thing.

  • Alias Grace

    “My favorite pastime is breaking down boundaries with people. If anyone acts too stiff with me, I consider it to be a challenge to get them wasted and tell me intimate details by the end of the night. And they always do.”   I always do this, but sometimes it takes me more than one night, so my hat’s off to you!

  • Megan

    For some reason I misread “Weddings” as “Wednesdays”… all too real for me…

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