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Halloween For Kids Vs. Halloween For Twentysomethings

The meaning of holidays change as you get older. New Year’s Eve used to be about staying up till midnight with your parents, drinking Martinelli’s and watching the ball drop. Today it’s about getting drunk at a party and hopefully not getting blue balls later from someone you’re kissing at midnight. Christmas used to be about the presents and getting a gift card to Best Buy so you could get a video game. Today it’s about praying your parents will give you money to pay your rent and sneaking into their medicine cabinet in order to get through Halloween. Easter used to be about decorating eggs and searching for your Easter basket in the backyard. Now it’s about… what exactly? What is Easter like for twentysomethings? #NotClearOn

Halloween is the holiday that has changed the most though. It makes sense, considering it’s the holiday with the most adult themes. Sin! Sex! Murder! Halloween didn’t stand a chance with twentysomethings. It was made to be perverted and freaky. Today, just going trick-or-treating sounds ridiculously twee. “Oh my god, let’s get candy and stay up all night getting a sugar high and watching scary movies!” For people in their twenties, a sugar high doesn’t quite cut it anymore. For anyone staying home tonight and watching horror films, I’m sure it’s done for novelty purposes or out of some desire to reclaim your childhood innocence because, in case you haven’t noticed, Halloween is more about the tricks than the treats these days.

On Getting A Costume

Kids: They want to be scary, not sexy. As a young boy, I was the killer from the Scream movies and a vampire four years in a row. You really want a costume that will transform you. You want people to be unable to recognize you and be frightened at the mere sight of your face. This changes. Oh boy, does it change…

Twentysomethings: We all know what dressing up on Halloween means for twentysomethings. Thank god for Mean Girls/Tina Fey for being the first to make the astute social observation about Halloween being an excuse for people to dress like whores. Have we ever viewed Halloween the same since? Have we accepted “Slutty Mouse” as an actual costume? No. People make things up in order to dress scandalously. They become slutty STDs, slutty Amish people, whatever. Lack of clothing aside, I actually prefer a twentysomething’s interpretation of Halloween over a child’s. The costumes are more clever and gaudy. There’s more creativity. When you’re ten years old, you just buy a costume that looks spooky and have your mom put it together for you. Not chic.

On Social Gatherings

Kids: Your school usually throws you a Halloween party. You eat candy all day, get blindfolded and put your hands in cold spaghetti while the teacher puts on a movie and falls asleep at their desk. When you get home, you immediately get ready to go trick-or-treating because it starts so early! When I went, I remember thinking it felt so late but it’s really not. Kids start going out at, like, 6:30 in suburbia. The sun isn’t even down and they’re already knocking on their neighbor’s doors. It’s weird. You might go with a friend or you might not. My dad always accompanied me and he would take me home usually around 8. I then would eat five pounds of candy, want to puke, and stay up till two in the morning cracked out of my mind from all the sugar.

Twentysomethings: You start pre-gaming around ten and spend a few hours getting ready, which involves sucking in your stomach so you can fit in your costume and listening to a playlist called “HALLOWEENER.” Maybe you’ll have the movie Halloween playing in the background on mute for authenticity. Anxious texts will be exchanged with your friends: “OMG, I look fat in my costume. What are you being again? How are you getting there? Should we all take a cab? I wanna sleep with someone who’s dressed as a Jersey Shore cast member. Is that weird?” When you’re ready to go, you take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and think to yourself, “You know what’s even scarier than my costume? Me wasted at four a.m. while wearing it.”

You go to a house party and have trouble recognizing anyone. You end up drinking a lot of whiskey and hooking up with someone who’s dressed as a sumo wrestler. Not exactly a Jersey Shore cast member but you figure that it’s getting late and you aren’t sleeping alone tonight so W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R.

On The Morning After

Kids: You wake up with a sugar hangover and hate your life. You bite the hair of the dog that bit you by eating a Tootsie Roll for breakfast. At school, you trade candy with your classmates and clean up nicely. Candy is like gold for children. Don’t they know a giant bag of candy bars is only like four dollars at the store? No. They don’t. Kids think everything costs 10,000 dollars.

Twentysomethings: You vomited on the sumo wrestler during sex. FML. The next day is a haze. You decide that Halloween is, like a lot of things in your life, stressful and not a lot of fun ultimately. You promise yourself that you’ll stay in next year and eat candy and watch scary movies. This won’t happen though. This will never happen. TC mark

image – Jim Crotty

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  • Rachel A

    You must be an early-twentysomething or a non-academic (normal) twentysomething because I’m 24 and in graduate school where, yes, we do stay in, watch scary movies, and eat candy. Why? Because it is raining, because maybe it’s cold, because fuck it all, we are tired and old as hell.

    • BAM!!

      oh take that stick out your ass

      • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

        I LIKED BOTH OF THESE COMMENTS BECAUSE I CONTAIN MULTITUDES. 

    • Andrealynema

      I have to agree on this for the most part, though my best friend’s birthday was Saturday so I was forced to go out. 

      Tonight however, I’m stuck studying for my exam tomorrow, and I’m psyched to have a wad of candy corn, and to get some free pizza at a party in an hour, glance at some halloween movies, and go back to studying.

      Overall though I feel too mature for halloween. What’s the point? All I wanted when I was young was the candy and that hasn’t changed. I’d much rather go out to the clubs and dress as I do every weekend. Which is why that’s exactly what I did this year and just told everyone I was a modern day witch who wants to go unnoticed if asked.

  • scin

    Kids think everything costs 10,000 dollars.

    THIS is true. unfortunately twenty-somethings KNOW what everything costs, and it’s still too much.

  • indiangiver

    I’m watching scary documentaries and eating mini reese’s cups with soy milk.

    Seriously…what’s wrong with me?

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      If you replace soy with whole, then absolutely nothing.

      • JJ

        Oh Greg Costa, amen. And the Stephen King marathon sounds divine. This time next year?

      • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

        Sure!  If you’re around Boston, you know where to find me.  Well, actually you don’t, but I’m 40 minutes outside of Boston.  Hit me up…we’ll watch Stephen King, eat candy, maybe Chinese…I’ll show you around Salem.  It’ll be great.

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    My ideal Halloween consists of a bag of Reese’s and a Stephen King marathon…actually, it consisted of a Roseanne Halloween marathon this year.   I’m Greg Costa.  I’m 26 years young.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

      Marry me.

      • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

        I’m up for it.  I’m going to warn you that our marriage will be revealed to be a sham when you discover me with our butler Edward.  Until then, we will enjoy a great life, so long as you enjoy antiques, fine china (Spode ideally), biology, H.P. Lovecraft for Halloween, weekly trips to the movies, Victorian houses and walks in the forest.  –Greg

  • Brandon h

    I sure hope this was a total work of fiction. Vomited Sumo fucking sounds awful. 

  • Mary M

    Haha I’m 21 and my night is going to be spent with: Homework, one of those heaven sent frozen meals in a bag, Nightmare Before Christmas, Agatha Christi and home style popcorn. No point in going to a party tonight since my gas money must be conserved! Also, I kind of just feel old tonight.

  • http://www.nicholeexplainsitall.com EarthToNichole

    I’m going as a 20 something with a slight drinking problem who got a terrible cold at the last minute and had to skip all of my friends’ Halloween parties. Will be drinking whiskey in bed, crying, and possibly live tweeting the experience once the Klonopin and cold meds kick in.

  • ericn

    …just saw a tellitubbie on a crotch rocket.

  • Anonymous
  • http://www.facebook.com/nattusmith Natt Smith

    If I had a dime for each time Ryan used the word ‘twentysomething.’

  • Merc

    I do all of the “kid” things for Christmas, Halloween, and New Years every year…
    I’m 19 though. Next year, when I’m “twentysomething,” I will probably suddenly want to go out at 2AM and make myself sick and dance with people that I do not like in a costume that is uncomfortable. Until then, I’m keeping the candy and Nightmare Before Christmas.

  • http://twitter.com/redgyarados Danielle Sanda

    Somehow I wasn’t all riled up for Halloween this year.   I actually gave candy to a trick-or-treater.  And liked it.  Maybe I’m old.  My night consisted of making my costume last minute (I was a female!Vincent Valentine), and then watching Practical Magic with two friends at one of their houses.  Only had a handful of trick-or-treaters, so we def have a ton of candy left over.  Maybe I’ll party it up next year after I graduate from college, because goodness knows I have no less than 2 papers looming overhead.  Only regret?  Hardly anyone got to see my costume.  I rather liked it.

  • Guest

    Easter is on Sunday. So obviis its just brunch. 

  • Anonymous
  • Anonymous

    Had a party at my house, dressed up trying to look scary, ended up looking like a slut as well. SOME IDIOT POSTED PHOTOS ON FB. Story of my freaking life.

  • Anonymous

    Had a party at my house, dressed up trying to look scary, ended up looking like a slut as well. SOME IDIOT POSTED PHOTOS ON FB. Story of my freaking life.

  • Anonymous
  • Maksim

    Are you kidding?! Halloween is waaay more creative for kids! We never bought costumes.. we’d spend the weeks building up to Halloween creating awesome paper maiche masks ect. Now people just buy a stupid hat or some ears and wear black. lame. 

  • http://bicoastalblunders.wordpress.com/2011/10/31/happy-halloween/ happy halloween! « bicoastal blunders

    […] if you want to read a really hysterical and totally true blog post about halloween, i encourage you to read this: halloween for kids vs. halloween for twentysomethings […]

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