Thought Catalog

Ten Reasons Why I Wish My Life Was More Like A TV Show

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  1. My life would be so much better if it had a soundtrack. Seriously. If I ever become super wealthy, I’m going to hire a music supervisor to follow me around with an iPod so that when something poignant happens, they can cue up the perfect song and play it. If I’m cuddling with a boy in bed, my music supervisor would hide under the bed and play “After Hours” by The Velvet Underground. If the boy asks where the music is coming from, I’ll just distract him with a four hour make out session.
  2. TV gets to have montages! Everything seems more exciting and cool when it’s in a montage. On top of hiring a music supervisor, I would also like to hire a camera guy and an editor to create montages of my life that I can later view in the comfort of my own home. They can be as mundane as putting together a dinner party (“There’s me shopping at the grocery store! Oh, and look, there’s my meltdown when I discover that I forgot the aioli! Now, everything’s okay and everyone’s eating and looking happy!”) or they can be as major as charting my progress in becoming a Chelsea gym bunny like Marc Jacobs. The possibilities are endless!
  3. I would have so much sex. TV characters jump from relationship to relationship without ever getting a break. They’re never single unless it’s for, like, a two parter episode that airs during sweeps, and even then they’re just super depressed for a second and get over it. I want a Season Two boyfriend that I’ll eventually dump before running into the arms of my Season Three boyfriend!
  4. Relationships actually can disappear! You know how the Internet has made it impossible for our exes and old friends to go away? Well, TV doesn’t have that problem! When someone gets broken up with, it can actually be over for real. People skip town in a dramatic closing scene and are never heard from again, unless it’s for a random cameo in a season finale. Remember when Oz and Willow broke up in Buffy? Dude just skipped town and, like, never came back. Talk about closure! *drool*
  5. People actually stop by each other’s houses and stuff! Lately, TV has had to acknowledge technology and the internet, which is a bummer because I think it should be 1999 forever on my TV. But they still do unrealistic stuff like “just stopping by to say hey!” I mean, I can’t remember the last time someone did that and if they did, I would assume they were actually trying to murder me or something. Damn you, society for turning me into a freak who’s afraid of personal interactions. TV characters seem to have more of a healthy handle on things.
  6. People overcome major issues in three episodes. I could get addicted to drugs and beat it in only a few weeks! The first week would show me trying it, the second week would show me using it more, and by the third week, I would I hit rock bottom and go to rehab! It would be so easy and fun. I have a few weeks to kill anyway.
  7. I would never have to really work. The majority of TV characters have jobs but unless it’s a workplace comedy or drama, their work is usually an afterthought. Like remember how Monica from Friends was a chef and Ross was a paleontologist? They somehow had these amazing jobs and still had time to get entangled in romances and wacky misunderstandings. Sounds perfect to me!
  8. If I ever had a child and didn’t like it anymore, I could just send it upstairs and never see it again, just like they did with Judy in Family Matters.
  9. I could have opening credits for my life! I would stand in front of a green screen and make a pensive expression while the words “RYAN O’CONNELL” flash across the screen.
  10. If I ever got sick of having a TV life, I would could just start hanging out with a pet chimp or something and get the show cancelled. TC mark
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    • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

      Number 4 to infinity.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508371039 Rayan Khayat

      hilarious and true!!

    • Rebekah

      This is really funny because I was just thinking of the Friends situation earlier i.e. how they never were at work even though that supposedly takes up 8 hours of your regular weekday.

    • Phil Major

      The worst.

    • http://twitter.com/YocastaArias Yocasta Arias

      I love this so much. I constantly wish my life were a TV show. I have already started working on titles and theme songs.

    • A

      Friends acknowledged the work thing once.. Phoebe (I think) asked how they’re able to just sit around all day, don’t they have work? Then they all got up and hurried to work. But Monica actually worked nights b/c she did dinner at her restaurants, and Phoebe and Joey only had to go to work when they actually had a job to go to.  And this shows me I clearly spend too much time watching TV instead of having real personal interactions! Sad.

    • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

      but of course they see Oz again in Tibet in the comics

    • mashka

      I ALWAYS think about how awesome it would be to have a soundtrack to my life.

      Everytime I go to a bar, Return of the Mack would be playing. Always.

      Anytime I’m at home doing anything it would be Boyz II Men.

    • http://twitter.com/palespectre flipside of a memory

      If my life was made into a tv show, it’d probably be cancelled immediately. it won’t last a whole season. :(

      • ...

        #dark

        • http://twitter.com/palespectre flipside of a memory

          more like because it’s #boring hehe..

    • claire fisher

      i wish i was claire fisher

    • Anonymous

      Oh, I love it! I totally agree with everything on this list. And I love the Buffy reference in #4. :)

    • amsantos

      A life that is more like a TV show is fiction. 

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