Ten Reasons Why I Think Your Band Sucks

  1. You’re all style and no substance. You’re one of those bands who had a photo shoot before you even wrote a song. Oh, I know bands who have done that before. That stuff is real. So, yeah, you’re a cute trio of 16-year-old girls and one of you even plays a ukelele. So what? Your songs are still half-cooked and boring! (Love that photo of you guys hanging in the trees and holding birthday cakes though.)
  2. All of your songs are about the summer. WTF? Why is summer the most popular girl in school right now? Every song I hear lately is about summer or the beach. “Summer Bummer”, “Let’s Go Surfing”, “Saddest Summer” etc. The most hilarious part is that most of these summer obsessed bands aren’t even from places that have actual beaches. They’re from inland towns or the Midwest. That’s the trend in music lately though—being a weird summer beach poser.
  3. You’re a 35-year-old singer who writes lyrics about candy and kissing boys behind the monkey bars. I mean, I get that it’s twee and adorable to talk about such things, but it’s also weird because you’re clearly too old to be living la vida schoolgirl. I hope that you’re not actually kissing boys behind the bars because chances are it’s probably illegal.
  4. You’re a douchey bro and it makes it really hard to enjoy your music when I know it’s being played at beer pong tournaments everywhere.
  5. You suffer from Lykke Li syndrome, which means you sound ridiculous in all of your interviews. Have you heard or read some of the things she says? It’s hilarious. “I wrote that song when I was on mushrooms in the forest and everything felt so dark and cold. I would just wander around Los Angeles like a ghost. I would read Ginsberg and just fade away…” Don’t read interviews with her because you’ll just laugh and then feel angry and delete her songs from your iTunes.
  6. My mom likes your music.
  7. My friend met you IRL and said you were a dick. Now I can’t get that out of my head whenever I listen to your music and it sucks! I really liked your stuff but I can’t enjoy it like I used to. This is further proof that you should NEVER meet your idols. There’s a good chance they’ll be lame and it will kill your boner forever.
  8. There’s so much reverb happening! Don;t get me wrong, I love me some fuzzed out goodness but this takes it one step too far. I can’t even understand what you’re saying and I’m pretty sure that if you stripped away all of the effects, we would have a Jennifer Lopez situation going on.
  9. The story of how you guys formed is troublesome. “We were doing nothing. We, like, met in a bowling alley and started a band as a joke. We didn’t expect any of this!” Translation: “We knew EXACTLY what we were doing. We whored ourselves out on social media and worked around the clock to cultivate a specific image. This ain’t no happy accident!”
  10. Your music sounds like everything I’ve already heard but infinitely more annoying because you added the banjo. TC mark
image – currybet

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.


More From Thought Catalog

  • Customconcern

    I’ve decided it’s douchey to call people douchey bros. 

  • http://twitter.com/alinatrifan Alina Trifan

    I think your band sucks if you’re not playing any instrument.

  • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

    I’m really mad right now because this dude I know who is a jerk is getting kind of famous.  And I’m even more mad because I like his music.  Bah!  Stupid jerk.  

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=807220175 Jessica De la Cruz

      your problem is?

      • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

        It sucks to see terrible people succeed?  

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_5WQXSSKAMOU4WCHKCWYMUKKKNU Aladin Sane


  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    I didn’t know Lykke Li said shit like that

    • http://twitter.com/alfredosays Alfredo Gil

      Makes me like her even more

  • mashka

    I think your band sucks of Zooey Deschanel is in it.

  • Peroxideblonde29

    LOVE IT. LOVE IT. LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS!!! True, all of it true. Beach posers, and all the songs are all the same, just to fit it. I want some angry music. Back in the day if a chick was in a band it was because she was talented(and for the most part was attractive in some form or another), she stood for something, she was a unique individual, nowadays chicks in bands are dime a dozen, and most don’t stand for anything but being eye candy for the boys/girls in the crowd. I really feel all these chick bands are worthless and didn’t have to break the down the walls of oppression and earn a spot in the band ‘cus she could rock out way harder then any male, but just ‘cus she looks cute and has a certain look, and probably dumb as shit but mimics everything she hears from her bf or band mates she’s seen as credible.

    • Kobu426

      What you said about “chicks in bands” is bit of a blanket statement…and a much of it can be said for a lot of males in bands as well. There are quite a few talented female musicians around today.

      • Peroxideblonde29

        There’s a few talented chicks out there, and I wasn’t implying them, i’m talking about those chicks who are just in the band for the “cool” factor and to say ” oh, I’m in this band”. Yes, are guilty of doing the same thing, but we all know that already. Since a chick in a band is more of a rarity people tend to believe that these girls are special, when in fact they aren’t.I wasn’t referring to the chicks who work their ass off for the music, i’m talking about those girls who are joining a band ‘cus it’s very “of the moment” right now. 

  • Tyler

    There can never be enough banjo.

  • DebeatRepeat

    This is a cleverly disguised “I hate hipsters” post. 

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_5WQXSSKAMOU4WCHKCWYMUKKKNU Aladin Sane

      Nope. This is a “I hate shitty pretentious bands” post.

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    Why did you have to tell me Lykke was a fruitloop? I was so much happier not knowing. :(

  • Max

    First of all  – Ryan, I love 99 % of your articles. And I love 99% of this one. But one thing caught my eye, and I want to point it out:

    “The story of how you guys formed is troublesome. “We were doing nothing. We, like, met in a bowling alley and started a band as a joke. We didn’t expect any of this!” Translation: “We knew EXACTLY what we were doing. We whored ourselves out on social media and worked around the clock to cultivate a specific image. This ain’t no happy accident!””

    I’m not in a band, or want to be in one, but I am heavily involved in promoting and writing music. “We whored ourselves out on social media and worked around the clock to cultivate a specific image.” – this is how people make it in the music world. There’ nothing negative about it, and social media promotion is not whoring out, nor is branding and creating a unique sound/image for the band a bad thing. Finally, it’s completely possible to start a band as a joke, then realize people like your music, and want to begin growing and becoming a ‘real’ performing group. A lot of times, musicians (including, yes, myself) write something without the self-esteem to assume others will like it, and when we get positive feedback or realize other really dig our stuff, we’re eager to spread it far and wide. There’s nothing wrong with that.

  • LaTourista

    The whole beach/summer nostalgia feign in both rock and pop is really wearing on me.

  • EP

    Well luckily The Drums have moved on from the theme of their first EP, so the beach syndrome isn’t an issue anymore for them. Now it’s all about dying. 

  • http://www.twitter.com/mexifrida Frida

    the beach thing and bro thing remind me of wavves, but i like wavves, i think

  • Pfft

    this all means nothing because you have terrible music taste

  • yerp

    oh god thank you. why are you the first ive heard acknowledge that supercute!s songs are terrible. all i ever read is “they’re really impressive for 16 year olds”. bullshit!

  • ellie

    needs more cowbell

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