Thought Catalog

How To Be Happy

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Be sad. Grieve the bad things that happen to you. Allow yourself to feel terrible because it’s the only way you can ever really feel good again. Don’t say “I’m fine!” when you’re actually not because it’s only going to make you feel worse. There’s no shame in spending an afternoon in bed feeling sorry for yourself. There’s no shame in giving someone an honest answer when they ask how you’re doing. It’ll feel liberating actually. Saying “I feel like crap!” is the fastest ticket to “I feel great!”

Have healthy amounts of sex. Treat it like it’s a vitamin. Have you taken yours today? It’s essential that you feel desired and connected to another person. Have sex with someone on a Tuesday and watch it tide you over for the next few weeks. Feel complete and fulfilled, like you’ve just crossed something important off of your to-do list. Go up to your next partner and tell them, “Hello. Something is missing from my life and I believe it’s your penis or vagina. Would you mind having sex with me so I can be restored back to health? Thanks so much. You’re such a good person.”

Realize that being happy is a conscious decision. You could be one of the lucky ones who has happiness come easily to them, but most people need to make a concentrated effort to feel good. This doesn’t make you weak or a phony. It just means that you’re a person who knows how bad life can get.

Delete the toxic people in your life. They can include The Friend Who Makes Me Feel Bad About Myself, The Friend Who Will Only Hang Out With Me Behind Closed Doors, And The Friend I Can’t Depend On For Anything. This an ongoing project. Toxic people don’t go away overnight but it’s important to recognize who they are and begin to cut the fat. If you’re unsure if a friend is toxic or not, just ask yourself the question, “How often do I find myself pissed or upset at this friend’s behavior?” If the answer is “OMG, like a lot!”, you got some trimming to do.

Don’t feel guilty about doing something you knew would hurt you. Don’t beat yourself up about sleeping with the boy who makes you feel like crap the second you orgasm, or a night in which you got too drunk because it doesn’t do you any good. You just shame spiral about it, which makes you more inclined to do it again. You have to be like, “Yikes! I shouldn’t have done that again because I know it makes me feel bad but, oh well, I did so let’s move on and hopefully learn from my mistakes.” Understand that you’re going to be doing a lot of stupid things in your life so you can’t fixate on every single one.

Do more of the things that make you happy and less of the things that don’t. This might sound simple and obvious but, hi, it’s not. Sometimes you don’t even know something is making you unhappy until you actually take a step back from it.

Try to do things that terrify you because it will make you feel like a strong evolved person. You’ll scream, “I’m a person who conquers fears. Yay!” You might even be able to join some sort of club, or at the very least, get a gold star.

Be honest with yourself and other people. In this day and age, there are so many opportunities for BS. Don’t be afraid of #realtalk.

Buy my self-help book I Love Me So Why Doesn’t Anyone Else?! out in stores in November. People who purchase the first 100 copies get a Klonopin and a reaffirming love pat from me! TC mark

Image – kirinqueen

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    • http://fastfoodies.org Briana

      i desire few things in life more than ‘a reaffirming love pat’.

    • ausi

      go pee. poop. it feels good.

    • A.

      can i just get the klonopin?

    • Heather K.

      was already happy to buy the book..but after the offer of a klonopin, i think i’ll buy 10! great words to read right now!

    • Heather K.

      was already happy to buy the book..but after the offer of a klonopin, i think i’ll buy 10! great words to read right now!

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      Slave. Toil. Suffer. Study. Fail.  Fail some more.  Anguish in your failure.  Succeed.  Look back fondly on your years of deprivation and unhappiness.   

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      Slave. Toil. Suffer. Study. Fail.  Fail some more.  Anguish in your failure.  Succeed.  Look back fondly on your years of deprivation and unhappiness.   

    • Rhee

      Thought Catalog is just pumping me up today!

    • Simon

      It’s also important to give it some time. You won’t get happy overnight, it’ll take at least a few months. But in the end… totally worth it! Keep smiling :)

    • Simon

      It’s also important to give it some time. You won’t get happy overnight, it’ll take at least a few months. But in the end… totally worth it! Keep smiling :)

    • Simon

      It’s also important to give it some time. You won’t get happy overnight, it’ll take at least a few months. But in the end… totally worth it! Keep smiling :)

    • http://twitter.com/amanda_silvas Amanda Silvas

      So THAT’S what I have to say to my next potential sex partner. Got it.

      “Do more things that make you happy and less of the things that don’t.” Writing this down.

    • http://twitter.com/amanda_silvas Amanda Silvas

      So THAT’S what I have to say to my next potential sex partner. Got it.

      “Do more things that make you happy and less of the things that don’t.” Writing this down.

    • http://twitter.com/amanda_silvas Amanda Silvas

      So THAT’S what I have to say to my next potential sex partner. Got it.

      “Do more things that make you happy and less of the things that don’t.” Writing this down.

    • Eatapplesallday

      I want to be your bestie.

    • Anonymous

      Wonderful article and not to mention a great checklist. I’m going to start trimming the fat on the inside AND on the outside so I can start shopping for vitamins.    

    • Pancake

      I can’t wait for the book!! Waiting on November….

      • Ryan O'Connell

        i mean i didnt actually write that book

        • Schwasted

          Aw damn, I was gonna buy, like, the first 99 of your books.

    • drea

      “Try to do things that terrify you because it will make you feel like a strong evolved person.”

      I need to learn to do this, because knowing that my fears are holding me back is terrifying too.

    • http://www.facebook.com/indiangiver Amanda Mae Viers

      Ryan, seriously, I have 600mg of Klonopin. I write poetry and short nonfiction. When I finish editing my life’s work should I publish it and offer free klonopin to the first 600 people who buy it? What if I sell it on Amazon as an ebook? What would be the best method of delivery? 

      Sometimes you’ve just got to chill out. Benzos are the answers, bros. WTG Judy Garland.

      • http://www.facebook.com/indiangiver Amanda Mae Viers

        #hoardingsedatives

        • http://www.facebook.com/indiangiver Amanda Mae Viers

          #donttellmypsychiatristbecauseshealreadythinksI’mgoingtokillmyself

        • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

          Amanda…I’m listening.  Together we can get through this.

        • Deal me in

          ^I think someone’s after the Klonopin.

          But may I jump in and offer some Ativan for the purchase of a used (children’s) book from me? Or a post it? I have way too many of both at home.

        • http://www.facebook.com/indiangiver Amanda Mae Viers

          I’ll trade you joyce carol oates books for adderral.

        • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

          Why don’t you sell them?

    • http://twitter.com/CowboySandtoes Cowboy Santos

      Klonopin! lol
      yeah CUT OUT THE TOXIC PEOPLE. this is a must. it really works. i dont talk to family members because of this. fuck them.

    • Aisha Ansano

      I’m seriously printing this out and posting it on my wall as a reminder!

    • Anonymous
    • http://twitter.com/JustGeeee Geleen Faye Gallego

      “Try to do things that terrify you because it will make you feel like a strong evolved person.” I really did terrifying things because I’m so bored of being sad and look what it gave me —- SCARS!!! Well, I just did that to divert my attention. Wait! I’m taking notes —– “Being happy is a conscious decision.” I’m way to go, baby!!!!!!!!

    • http://twitter.com/JustGeeee Geleen Faye Gallego

      “Try to do things that terrify you because it will make you feel like a strong evolved person.” I really did terrifying things because I’m so bored of being sad and look what it gave me —- SCARS!!! Well, I just did that to divert my attention. Wait! I’m taking notes —– “Being happy is a conscious decision.” I’m way to go, baby!!!!!!!!

    • macgyver51

      This is like the essay version of a Ke$ha song. Read a book. Do something nice for someone without anyone else knowing. Don’t be so self absorbed. See, twice the happy in 1/10 of the length.

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