Having a slurpee with you is even more fun than smoking weed in the gardens of Versailles, or eating a soft serve vanilla ice cream cone from McDonald’s on a balmy summer day when you feel young and fresh and slender. Partly because you make me feel higher than any drug possibly could, partly because you make me feel like I’m worth loving, partly because you can make me feel warmer than the sun.
It’s hard to believe when I’m with you that I could feel this childlike and safe. A giant sense of relief is lifted off my shoulders because I now know that I never have to spend another night wondering if anyone could ever adore me on a cold winter day when I have a puffy face and stomach and my scalp is itchy and my mouth tastes like blue cheese and my jeans no longer fit and I start to look less like the person you first met and fell in love with. I don’t have to get my eyebrows waxed or buy the right skin creams or go to the gym after work and buy jeans that make my ass look good. I don’t need to trick anyone anymore.
and all those songs about heartbreak I heard on the radio turned out to be about no one at all
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever wrote them
at you and I would rather look at you than all the naked pictures of Ryan Philipe in the world except possibly that ass shot in Cruel Intentions occasionally and anyway you haven’t even seen that movie, which thank heavens so you can watch it for the first time with me. And the fact that the curve of your back is so stunning takes care of my subscription to XTube. At home I never think of the boys who once loved me, even the one who had all of me and threw it away because you’re here and I’m queer and I don’t want to deal with anyone else but you. At work I don’t want to read Lorrie Moore or Joan Didion anymore because they never knew you. They never wrote a novel about the dimple on your cheek or your porcelain skin so why should I care about what they have to say?
It seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it.