Fragrances For Twenty-Somethings

1. Desperate Diva

Desperate Diva is the perfect fragrance for the twentysomething gal on the go! Whether she’s doing a walk of a shame in the harsh sunlight of a Sunday morning or eating her weight in Nutella on top of five issues of Cosmo, she never goes anywhere without a spritz of this lovely perfume! It contains notes of desperation (obviously) and loneliness, and is rounded out with the lovely smell of a Netflix envelope right before it’s being sent back in the mailbox!

2. Anxiety Aura

Anxiety Aura is a perfume for the anxious Annie in all of us! Release dates have been postponed due to nervousness but it’s finally going to be in stores this Friday! I mean, I think. Just talking about it is stressful so let’s not, shall we? To create the fragrance, professional people in lab coats scoured pharmacies around the world, sampling all kinds of anti-anxiety medications. They then took the best smelling ones and chopped them up into fine lines. Now when you spray the perfume, not only when you smell like a doctor’s office, you can actually lick it off your neck and get stoned! The press release reads, “Want to feel like a jellyfish in the bathtub? Wear this!” Um, sold!

3. Super Chic Sexy Superiority

Super Chic Sexy Superiority appeals to our more high end clientele, like those who have jobs and boyfriends. Wearing this perfume will cause those around you to feel totally inadequate. It’s sort of like seeing a Facebook status update that says, “I GOT THE JOB….AND THE RING!” over and over again. It has notes of  a 401k and Smug Fulfillment (which I guess just smells like sandalwood) with a splash of “I AM ME!” ****Sold only at stores you’re too poor to shop at BYE*****

4. UnIqUe and UnEmPloyed

Do you ever find yourself watching Reality Bites, feeling like a total failure, and cursing the day you were born? Then this perfume is for you! A natural upper (it contains hints of amphetamines, which can be intoxicating when placed near your nostril), UnIqUe and UnEmPloyed turns that twentysomething frown upside down by making you feel unnaturally confident and capable! Note: Wearing this fragrance does not guarantee employment. Warning: Studies have shown this fragrance to be highly addictive.

5. Narcissist Nectar

This perfume is all about you! In fact, each bottle is personally designed to have your life story—it has your bio listed on the side of the bottle and even comes with a headshot of your beautiful face! Wearing this fragrance will make you feel special and smart and quirky, and you will just love how it’s developed! First, official looking people take you out to a fancy dinner to talk to you about your wants and desires. They want the fragrance to perfectly capture your essence so it’s important they do their research. They’ll then write a blog entry about how special you are and post it to their website. Finally, you’ll get a photoshoot with Uncle Terry Richardson for your headshot! So chic, so you! *****Narcissist Nectar retails for $69, 420.00. Ten percent of the proceeds go to the Narcissistic Twentysomething Foundation though, which has offices in New York, Los Angeles, and your bedroom. TC mark

image – Helena Liu

Ryan O'Connell

I'm a brat.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

Read Here

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://imlikecocaine.wordpress.com/ Ana

    brilliant! i’m guessing you wrote this after you felt the real deal scents on these kind of people. 

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    I have a lot of friends wearing #2 & #3 this season – but strangely do not see mine listed. I imagine this means I’ve been squirting a whole lot of nothing on myself. Oh god, does this mean I reek of… HUMANITY?!!??

  • valtameri

    You sure are on a fragrances kick, aren’t you.

  • valtameri

    You sure are on a fragrances kick, aren’t you.

  • valtameri

    You sure are on a fragrances kick, aren’t you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=508371039 Rayan Khayat

    this part about the unique and unemployed one’s great: Warning: Studies have shown this fragrance to be highly addictive.

  • guest

    stop

  • Anonymous

    but freal tho – anyone have good fragrance recommendations for women? 

  • Asdf

    “I GOT THE JOB….AND THE RIM’!”

  • guest

    i like that you have a “thing” now and it is scents, you are thoughtcatalog’s new ~~~~sMeLlY bOy

  • Vicky Shazam

    UnIqUe and UnEmPloyed yep that’s me

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