If there’s anything a hipster hates more (besides not finding a leak for the new obscure album), it’s being identified as an actual hipster. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had someone who was wearing jeans cut off at the knee and riding a fixed gear bike tell me, “Dude, I hate hipsters. They need to be wiped out!” Gee, fear and self-loathing in Williamsburg much? I get the resistance though. What once started as an ironic subculture has now morphed into the only culture—forcing people from all walks of life and interests to huddle under the same cultural umbrella. Today you can put two people together with wildly different styles and interests and still label them both a hipster. There’s nothing special about the title anymore. In fact, not being a hipster is now the most sub-culture-y thing to do.
I guess that’s why I don’t mind being called a hipster though. To me, being a hipster means being a twentysomething who wears cute clothing and likes sort of alternative music. The definition has become so watered-down throughout the years that it holds no real meaning. It’s just a giant blanket term for young people in our generation. I feel like very few people my age are exempt from the label. Actually, let’s try to figure that out. Who isn’t a hipster? Let’s make a list!
- Bros. I mean, they really aren’t hipster. They’re very normal, very watching King Of Queens and listening to someone who isn’t Feist. I think they’re confused by us.
- Sorority girls. You might have the one chick who’s into Florence + The Machine and shops at American Apparel but in general, these girls are listening to The Fray and putting inspirational quotes on their Facebook. They think hipsters (girls in particular) dress weird and are stupid. “They don’t dress sexy enough for boys!”
- Your older brother. He thinks you look stupid and your friends are emo. He does NOT get it.
- Anyone who’s religious. If you’re a hipster, the only thing you need to worship is yourself. There are, however, exceptions. Hipster Christians are out there and they’re very scary. They buy things off Etsy, ride bikes, go hiking. All of the cutesy aspects of hipsterdom are adopted while the more sinful elements are ignored.
- I got nothing,
See what I’m talking about? Practically everyone falls under the category of hipster so please stop fighting it! It just makes you look more like a hipster when you do that. There are worse things you could be called. “Oh no, someone thinks I’m young, hip and attractive! Please stop with the name calling!”
Accept that this is your generation’s inheritance. I know it’s not exactly what we had in mind. We wanted to care about things and make a real difference just like the hippies did. Alas, that was not to be. We were destined to only care about ourselves, our technological gadgets, and occasionally each other. Deal with it.